Promoting my fucked up Matt Engarde character study nsfw fic— tw for drug abuse and mentions of/references to csa ; summary and link under the cut
!! 2-4 ace attorney spoilers !!
Pairing: Matt Engarde/Juan Corrida (kind of, there's some hallucinations happening)
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 12.5k
It’s something wicked, it makes Matt’s blood burn with sharp pangs of guilt. He doesn’t deserve to think about those memories full of vitality when he’d set off the chain reaction that ended with Juan’s life being stripped away. But… Matt doesn’t like these thoughts, this guilt. Fuck, he’s living the rest of his days—hours, maybe?—as a ticking time bomb, he shouldn’t have to feel such contempt at himself. Matt takes some time with the pipe again, only stopping when his gut twists painfully. The feelings of guilt, his own personal gavel smashing down against his skull, barely subside.
Alternatively, the fic in which Matt receives a not guilty verdict and his guilt and addiction lead him down a drug trip where he hallucinates Juan, and he tries to keep his lover's memory alive by any means necessary. In other words, by doing the one thing he's been trained to do well.
talking with bestie about whether matt or juan would propose and i have reasoning for both. Here It Is.
Juan: He's been engaged once before. Clearly that did not work out. Unrest in pieces, bitch, I hate you Inpax. He's determined to get it right this time, because he's with the right person this time. Matt has always been the man he was meant to be with. They will always find their way back to each other, and Juan wants to ensure that there's no way he could ever lose him again. He's also a hopeless romantic as we know and I'd be lying if I said I didn't think he has a scrapbook laying around of different proposal ideas. He knows the shit that Matt has gone through, and probably not even the worst parts of it. That's a terrifying thought, and he wants to put as much of that pain in the past as he can. He wants to move forward with their lives, he wants to promise himself to Matt forever. He wants to promise Matt a soft forever, a delicate one, free of hurt and anguish. He's going to do it right.
Matt: Honestly, he needs a sense of control in his love life. So much of his relationships haven't had any of his input, and while of course Juan is nothing like that, the fear remains. Trauma does that to a guy. Again, fuck you Inpax. He likes the comfort and security of being agentic, making decisions. And he knows that Juan is the type to provide the grand romantic gestures instead of receiving them. Matt wants to change that. When his life went to shit, he lost control, he wasn't there for Juan, he couldn't provide comfort and love and care. He's back on the right track now. He can make up for lost time. He can get down on one knee and in spite of all his flaws, all his mistakes, the sins of his past that nearly cost his beloved his life, he can pledge to love this man forever. He already does. But Juan likes this cheesy shit (and Matt is learning to, though the process is slow). He wants to make Juan feel loved, he wants this proposal to be everything he's ever dreamed of. Everything he couldn't get the first time. It would be grandiose. Sentimental. Multifaceted. Intimate. A perfect whirlwind combination of what's in Juan's scrapbook and that charismatic clumsiness, maybe the heat of something A Little Too Personal, that is undeniably Matt Engarde.
okay yeah and these are my ramblings. enrida/juangarde i love you. The them. The sillies.