i want to grow out my eyebrows and become the jellyfish woman with a blowfish tongue. i want to be the yellow teethed sun, smiling back at my own anger. i want to use my tears as a blanket and drape them over every heartache i have ever felt until the colors of my pain dilute into a disgusting brown puddle. then i will bathe in it. when i was sad about how slow i was moving through life i found comfort in the late-blooming trees, until i read that they are not really at a disadvantage compared to early-blooming trees. then i got mad. i had a dream of chopping off all my hair and leaving it on your doorstep. i want final proof that loving me never even crossed your mind. i want final proof that i will drive away the wrong people by being as ugly and loud as possible. i want to protect myself from becoming someone's saint.