Iop - Blog Posts
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I graduated from IOP today. I have almost 9 months clean and sober as well.
Tomorrow is just another day right?...
Kind of… It is my first day at IOP (and for those of you not lucky enough to know the lingo, that stands for Intensive Outpatient, as in therapy). So, basically, I was discharged from inpatient at the hospital to my home - Yay real water pressure! Yay no cafeteria food! Yay home with my dog! Boo — holy sh!t what?! I’m on my own?!
Luckily, it was only for four days really… The return trip home, well now that’s a whoooooooole other post, remind me to share that someday. I also wasn’t alone for any period of time at length… My choice. I hate being alone, it’s part of my mania (ooo -more lingo. Mania, I have named mine “Up” as in how I feel, but not quite me, so somewhat of a separate entity, my mania has its own name). In making sure I’m alone as little as possible I can protect myself from The Crash — pop quiz, I bet you can define that… … … … Times up - The Crash - the avalanche ride from being Up to being Low. Got it? Yes? Good.
But I digress. So… Tomorrow. I had my worries, concerns, anxieties about tomorrow. They have lessened a bit- I chatted with some friends, some from “The Inside” (Hahahahah!) and another from The Real World. Yes, these two locations are both physically and psychologically as separate as they can be. I truly didn’t have any difficulty bringing the Insiders into my Real World, but rare is it that the trip goes the other way. This IOP is kind of like that backward integration for me- the Real World Me going Inside, only temporarily. So I am a bit torn. I know this will be good for me, I’m actually excited about learning more about my disease and learning from others that have it too. And still, I’m nervous about the pressure- the need I feel to fix myself…
I suppose the only way to move forward is to just… well… Move.
