jesper: who loses 57 coin tosses in a row? you know? heads she wins, tails i lose. jesper: wait a minute... kaz: yes, jes? jesper: i forgot to pick up my dry cleaning!
jesper: what are we doing? kaz: wasting our lives. jesper: i meant for lunch.
nina: matthias kissed me!
inej and wylan: oh my god oh my god!
nina: it was unbelievable!
inej: let’s hear everything.
wylan: inej, get the wine and unplug the phone. nina, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
nina: it ended VERY well.
inej: do NOT start without me!
wylan: okay, alright let’s hear about the kiss. was it a soft brush against your lips or was it a “i gotta have you now kind of thing”?
nina: well at first it was really intense, you know? and then we just sort of sunk into it.
wylan: so was he holding you? or were his hands on your back?
nina: no actually at first they started out on my waist and then they slid up and were in my hair.
inej: oh!
MEANWHILE:
matthias: then i kissed her.
jesper: tongue?
matthias: yeah.
kaz: cool.
kaz: you know, i’m really glad you decided to learn Suli.
jesper: why?
kaz: once you’re fluent, you can annoy inej instead of me.
jesper: you know that guy i’m dating?
kaz: wylan? your child bride?
kaz: what does a man do about that pain?
jesper: takes a bubble bath
this might make me problematic but i really lowkey want jesper and wylan to break up before the six of crows spin-off bc i think their dynamic as exes would be so funny and a lot more similar to the book. then they like grow back together and yada yada.
jesper and wylan: *mid makeout session*
kaz: hello
jesper: hey kaz
kaz: am i interrupting?
wylan: little bit, yeah
kaz: guess i should've called
wylan: yeah, maybe!
kaz: tonight's the night i usually go spying with inej downtown...
jesper: uh-huh...
kaz: but she's hunting slavers...
wylan: yes, we know
kaz: want me to leave?
jesper: *literally on top of wylan* you know, whatever
kaz: okay i guess i could hang for a little while
jesper: i've always been a little confused about this, why can't you kill wolves?
matthias: we believe wolves are gods
nina: not technically, in drüskelle culture, wolves are thought to be like god
matthias: do not tell me about my own culture, nina! in the mood i'm in, i'll take you out, i swear to wolf!
me personally? i think kaz should be allowed to say fuck in the tv series. maybe i’m old fashioned.
bonus: inej scolding him for it
i really hope that Kaz sometimes visits The Wraith and helps Inej with her slaver hunting. i hope that Inej comes around Ketterdam and they have dinner. i hope Wylan and Jesper save a spare room for her, just in case. i hope Kaz gets roped into visiting the Van Eck house once a week. i hope Nina comes to Ketterdam after her wedding. i hope they’re all invited. i hope Inej is her maid of honor. i hope Jesper and Wylan live so long that they get married. i hope Kaz, Inej, and Nina are sitting and laughing at the reception. i hope Kaz finally finds peace, and finds Inej.
i hope Matthias watches, the wolves beside him.
matthias: my shoelace came untied! it could’ve happened to anybody!
kaz: that’s your excuse? inej weighs five pounds, jesper can’t swim, and wylan’s never even seen an ocean
jesper: uh, i can swim, racist
jesper: you like me? you like my personality?
wylan: i was surprised too
kaz: oh, i thought we weren’t talking
jesper: we’re not.
kaz: then why do i hear words coming out of that stupid hole in your face?
jesper: i’m a human being and i’m entitled to my emotions
kaz: are you crying?
jesper: *wiping away a tear* no
kaz: are you seriously crying, jesper?
jesper: i’m not crying
wylan: my boyfriend is so stupid. he kissed the wrong guy in front of me
inej: mine called me an “investment”
nina: mine tried to kill me and called me a slur
wylan and inej: what.
wylan: uh, guys? what does a pregnancy test look like?
jesper: thin piece of plastic with a thing on the end of it
wylan: okay, so this is definitely a gun
kaz: guys, guys. let’s take a vote.
jesper: secret vote! everyone cover your eyes!
wylan: we won’t know the result!
matthias: well, say your vote out loud
wylan: we’ll know each other’s voices…
nina: inej has a point
nina: what gets out kool-aid stains?
jesper: we already know the opposite color kool—aid doesn’t work
kaz: …
inej: please, kaz was just showing me how to fix the floor
wylan: anytime a man shows a girl how to do something from behind, it’s just an excuse for him to get really close and breathe on her neck.
jesper: watch any sports movie.
kaz: damn it! everybody, bathroom now!
nina: what’s up, dad?
jesper: what, kaz?
kaz: is someone playing a joke on me? honestly, why is my towel still wet?
jesper: cause it’s not your towel, it’s my towel, kaz
kaz: no, it’s not your towel. your towel is the red one.
jesper: i’ll tell you this, pal: i’ve never used that. i do use that one every single day.
kaz: oh god
nina: this towel’s so warm and fluffy, it’s like it’s been in the sun forever!
matthias: this means you two have been drying your junk with the same towel.
inej: intimate
inej: we’re a family. families talk about things.
jesper: no. families ignore things until they go away.
jesper: throw it in the trash!
wylan: i can’t see it! cause when she comes in here, i’ll just yell “trash!” i’ll yell “trash!”
jesper: cover your ears and sing Landslide!
kaz: let’s call inej again
wylan: took my love and i took it down
jesper: we need to get this back in my closet—
wylan: i can see your lips moving!
nina: well, close your eyes!
wylan: *singing*
nina: throw it out the window, okay?
jesper: i’ll sneak down there, i’ll toss it in the dumpster
nina: *toss* here!
jesper: what the heck, nina?
nina: i threw like a boy! i’ve always thrown like a boy!
jesper: you almost hit me in the face! what are you, nuts? overhand?
wylan: *still singing*
kaz: oh well, matthias is a goner
wylan = merlin = charlie
jesper = arthur = nick
thanks that’s it xx