Jinakin - Blog Posts

Akin and his Disorganized Attachment Style with Jin

(No spoilers from ep9)

If you don't know what a disorganized attachment style is, it is one of the four attachment styles (Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized), often stems from childhood experiences resulting in inconsistent and unpredictable behaviours in relationships.

People with this style of attachment often find it difficult to trust people, have mixed feelings, and have negative views of others and themselves. They seek closeness and then withdraw to avoid getting hurt.

Akin, the most huggable (or sexiest) man and the winner of so many Best Actor awards comes across as cold and detached at first. But then we see how caring and considerate he is of the people around him (arranges food for the whole crew, helps a newbie with his acting, and even deals kindly with his stalker). He is emotional (the hundred times he cried) and most importantly he is a perfectionist. Even though that helps him in his acting career, he tends to bring the same in his relationship with Jin which worsens their already existing issues. Perfectionists need a certain amount of control over whatever they do and when they cannot have that, they either procrastinate the task or abandon it completely.

Akin suggests breakups whenever he feels like he's at fault because he fails to control the situation.

-> He starts freezing Jin out when he doesn't win the Sexiest Man award and feels even worse about feeling the loss. The breakdown that day was not from jealousy. No- when he couldn't maintain the perfect Actor/Celebrity status he’s expected and worked to be, he broke down. To stop projecting that bitterness onto Jin he acts cold.

-> He wants to break up when Johnny happens and he believes he was at fault. He lost control and there's nothing he can do/be to Jin to make it any better or perfect as before. During ep7 when Jin confesses his love, Akin’s instant response is, “That's why want to break up with you “. Meaning- ‘I did something wrong, I can't be perfect for you so let's end this’.

But he doesn't bring breakup during the whole stalker headache. He knows he's not completely at fault (he says the same thing in ep8) and knows there’s something they could do to control the issue.

-> He wants to break up again (not spoiling for those who didn't watch ep9, but you're going to see a lot of Akin’s need for control there). He's losing control, he cannot ensure the perfect love life for Jin if things continue this way.

But what does Jin want?

Jin only wants Akin. He wants to be there, good or bad. He doesn't care for awards or titles. He’d praise his boyfriend openly, even when he's the winner, consequences and ego be damned, and wants to share every happiness with him.

-> He throws himself out of the car immediately when Akin storms out in distress in ep5. He doesn't hesitate a second to run behind his man, lets Akin cry and gather his thoughts by himself and then kisses him to apologize for not understanding him.

-> Even though he leaves Akin alone in the parking lot after the Johnny thing, he goes to watch Akin’s play, when he himself said he wouldn't chase Akin anymore. He's not ready to abandon their relationship and goes to investigate the truth of it. Again there's no hesitancy in Jin to apologize for leaving Akin alone and not be with him that day.

Now Jin is not perfect, none of us are, but he is perfect for Akin’s disorganized attachment style.

Often people with this type of attachment are the first to initiate breakup as a means to control the situation. But do they really want a breakup in the first place? No. Underneath all the pain, and fear of abandonment they need someone to fight for them and be with them even when they are not perfect.

(None of the GIFs and images are mine. All credit to the creators)