Kpop Analysis - Blog Posts
Exo Kai: Due West
heavily opinionated semi long post
Inspired by a genius post I saw on twt iykyk, I didn't wanna bother them they seemed stressed.
topic: Is Kai promoting in English and doing Western promotion activities pandering for Western validation?
(because he clearly never pandered to anyone before ever in the history of ever...it never happened... seriously. I don't believe he knows what pandering is actually.)
Simple Fact: TECHNICALLY..yes
Question: Is that a bad thing?
Opinion: It depends
Clarification : By western do you mean American? And by pandering do you actually mean worshipping Eurocentricity and it's machine of capitalism? That is a slippery topic, technically most kpop idols, such as Kai, are already modeling for European brands and not Asian or African etc. Plus they have fans constantly brag about said sponsorships that they do. Plus South Koreans and far east asians are top consumers of european luxury brands
so anti colonialism is an odd arguement to stand behind with a kpop pfp but okay.
Opinion: Look, If you have a precise plan and goal for promoting in America, creating a better bond with foreign audiences, expressing creativity, working with more diverse creatives, and touring in multiple different states and/or countries, solidify the artist's place in the realm of popular music while having a more freeing time doing it... I don't get the problem with an artist like Kai promoting in America. It cannot intensify the issue of Kpop artists seeming like they are pandering to the euro-colonial powers, because it's already looking pretty bad tbh.
The real issue: Freedom. The reality is when someone dynamic, attractive, and full of life has freedom, obviously they are going to meet new people, make friends, and develop in personality. The real issue is whether fans who have had an artist as a cute little toy for years.
Are they ready to find out what his real personality is when he is given freedom. The reality is that despite dating clauses not technically existing after a few years post-debut, people do not actually expect them to talk about crushes, who they find attractive, or publicly state their attraction towards someone. Personally, I believe what K-pop fans expect, which is virtual silence except when being cute, charming, funny, or flirtatious and/or childlike asexual behavior, except if it is for audience consumption, this teeters on a slave owner mindset and is very gross. A person who calls themself a K-pop idol cannot publicly date like a regular artist.
I mean, they can, but not in a traditional way. Kai and Krystal technically dated for 2 years, and they couldn't mention one another's name publicly during that entire time.
They didn't even go near one another in public after it was revealed not even at smtown's. But at least people had a magazine shoot as proof they even knew one another.
Jennie and Kai weren't event at the same event since the dating scandal happened years ago, not an award show, or any other public event. If anything a dating scandal just means the person will enter a crackdown and be forced to be more present with fans to make up for what they lost.
It is extremely normalized in Korean culture that males and females try not to even make eye contact lest it be thought of that they did something.
For this reason it's incredibly easy for fans to say it is nonexistent. This is a pretty good summary of what happened.
The accepted narrative anyway. Sadly to combat the 'negative press' of dating publicly, fans go harder on the shipping, the overs#xualization, and the unfunny jokes to move the conversation away from their dating news. Taking the fandom further and further away from reality.
Yet, at the same time since people don't see 99 percent of the artist they obsess over's life and the entire 1 percent is scripted, they don't know how these people truly act or behave, or really anything about them. So to overcompensate other parts of their personality and minor things are overblown and hyperfocused on. Praise and worship take the place of actual critical thought.
Regardless of the opinion of whether it matters to every individual supporter or not, it still had actual effects on his career. To this day his support is stronger overseas. I believe this is in conjunction to the 2 dating scandals and his appearance. Which is a whole nother thing, but with this in mind a western audience, especially one that is less likely to bash for a simple dating scandal would be a smart choice.
To the people who have a don't ask don't tell policy when it comes to artists, but just don't want the artists to date publicly to protect them, what do they know, do they even look into the analysis how when properly leveraged a relationship could be good for business and not bad. I hesitate to believe fans whenever they say they don't care if their fave dates or not anyway. Like of course you don't care, because they will continue to play their role of a perfect idol content with fanservice.
I would say it's fine, but it really isn't, even in japan idol culture there is room for growth and evolution inside the mold. They gradually moved their idol culture over to the acting scene so now the youth are somewhat used to seeing public figures dating openly, it may be a surprise but I wouldn't classify it as a scandal.
Personally, I believe if they can push kpop idols towards acting and movies, then similar to japan it wouldn't become this crazy thing and artists can be young and married without it being a frenzy.
(p.s weloveyoukento) It's not exactly perfect but it is changing for the better.
In japan the mold is forever being molded and shifted to where it needs to be, whereas in kpop it seems to be stuck in stasis with the conveyer belt model continuing.
With the art clearly showing what fans deny, that each idol group is contained and perfected to the fans whims and desires.
Understandably people want privacy in relationships, but the privacy is mostly due to their careers being built on the whims of the fans.
To be fair all boy bands historically have done this. Whether that means wearing outfits that only teen girls like, or dancing uniformly to upbeat tunes for hours on end. It isn't just kpop that stretched people to the limit and covered up their originality.
Regardless of the location, race, or culture/ethnicity of said boy band this was all true, but in Kpop there is a specific desire to control the entire person as a product and as a human and this is something the fans are willing to ignore to recieve whatever fanservice they want.
Nobody cares who their local restaraunt owner or store employee dates, because they don't go to the store for them they go for the product, BUT in K-pop the artists are the product, the emotional relationship with fans is apart of the deal. Therefore they feel almost a sense of surrealness when thinking about them in a public relationship. Personally, I believe even western people struggle with having an odd fascination with who a person does or does not date, but again this is because people craft an image that makes it unbelivable if they go against it.
Whether it's a fake relationship or a real one, the point is that with either you would expect something like a conversation or a small mention during an interview, but typically Kpop stars are not allowed to do such a thing, ever. That is just how it is in K-pop. Whether the fans are native Korean or foreigner fans, much of the same behavior is expected. No one can say they have seen an artist's real personality. It isn't possible. Nearly everything is scripted.
In some cases, like Taemin's, they didn't even know their actual personalities.
They can go out and do things for fun, but it is expected that whatever they do not be noticeable to fans. Everything is expected to be hidden or undercover to be respectful of the fans. Because the artists are firstly marketed as boyfriends and girlfriends for the fans. Regardless of how it is spun, this is the marketing promotion; otherwise, suggestive music videos wouldn't really be necessary, nor would high-five events of ...fansigns.
I don't want to act like K-pop invented this.
It did not
or pretend that it is even the most extreme version of marketing love to strangers out of an exotic curiosity;
because it isn't. This has been happening for ages, but I will say that kpop has this unique hold where evolution doesn't exist. Since the 1990s I think kpop has gone backwards, before it was normal for idols girlfriends to leave the performance venues with them.
Now if a girlfriend posts something on her social that even implies they are together it is cause for fans to burn merch and say rude and innapropriate things online out of vendicated anger.
Even having a boyfriend or close male friend can invoke the ire of fans who have crafted an idol's desires to their imaginations, even if they themselves have no interest in them.
So if they do something unexpected like date a man, even though they "hate men" people have full blown meltdowns and delete their accounts out of embarrassment.
I've seen it happen to so many people. They refuse to accept a possibility and when it happens they loose it.
I know that people have sensitivities about Kpop people becoming more free, and honestly I think it's for the best. I do not think people want the ownership that fans feel to grow even more. They need more open and honest interviews, less objectfication and more laying out the facts instead of fans being so bored they hyperfixate on fake gossip to the point of it being more real than reality.
But no seriously all jokes aside, please somebody explain to Kai what pandering to an audience means. Doing things specifically to appeal to others whims and desires that you as a grown adult person probably don't want to do, but you must because of dinero, guap or cash money. Cause clearly he is just a giant stuffed animal and he has no ideal how it works, how anything at all works actually, he just dresses like this on stage because..I mean like what else would he wear, duh! How could he be expected to pander to the euro-colonial-objectifying axis of evil...
He's like..never even done that before....
These longpost are special to me but i'm very opinionated but polite..will put little bits of info for clarification ==Mini Exo fandom analysis pt 1
lmao at people who actually thought the exo vocalists were at Zayn's caliber. Even Zayn "Bradford" Malik
has to work hard to maintain his level of talent, touring is no joke and wears your vocals out that being said you should be able to get a clear grasp on somebody's best and their average
I used zayn cause honestly I am trying to be fair and use a modern example and not people way back in the day. Also I remember this
jk jk. Girl I've never fan voted in my entire life, but I remember this happening though.
But using 1d and using the same standards some Exo supporters use when talking to fans of other kpop group
: do you really think people who aren't true artists of the craft can actually outdo people who can sing a soulful rnb song in their sleep? No, way too much association game being played. Just because s.m entertainment got a leg up from Quincy Jones
and got a bunch of his songwriters and associates and producers
(no this literally isn't even half of it lmao)
to help exo make 'black music'. "Popular music' "We can rock with this music'
Don't mean they are on that level like that. Please note the people that own this music and who own a lot of the music s.m used they all in some way go back to uptown
or motown
In some way, shape or form, because the black music industry was kept separate from the white for a long time, there's a very small crew and circle of people involved in the black music scene. A lot of it has merged into sub labels of larger companies like Universal or Sony. A lot of these songwriters of pretty much indentured and must continue to churn out these 'hits' and it doesn't necessarily matter where in the world it goes so long as it's sold.
They are classically trained singers and can do just as much as a classically trained singer around the world can. But they aren't blowing anyone outside of the average chaebol kid who don't even really care about performing out of the water. S.m taught them well but not nearly well enough for the ego their fans have developed.
Smtown entertainment was built off the foundation of motown, to be the korean version of motown. It's talent is mediocre compared to the original talent the company was based off of, but I suppose compared to the copy of a copy of a copy that exists in Kpop now it's something.
Personally they struggle to outdo Japanese acts artistically as well. In their heyday they created their own genres so unique japanese energy in and of itself was a movement, so I don't understand the superiority.
To be fair Japanese entertainment was on one back in the day from the 80s to early 2000s they ruled even American pop culture
Japan had a longer history with allowing it's citizens and artists freedom of expression, they were able to show out for a good while and gain respect slowly but surely in the international arts realm.
Korea tried to make up for decades of artistic freedom in like a single decade. They are still very rigid with their approach and of course adhere to the strict controlling method of the idol culture model, set by Japan who honestly was way loser even back in the day and even more now.
They critiqued obsessed idol fans back in the day with movies like perfect blue. Of course it still happened but trust when the modern culture shames something and the rest of the world is watching it does effect how people act. Imagine if their was an Hbo show that was about the kpop industry and obsessed kpop fans it definitely would make people tone down. People act differently when people really know what's going on in a situation.
Perfect blue is a mirror to fan culture at it's roots. It's fanatical, a bit unhinged but it's socially acceptable all the same.
A film I believe is necessary for anyone stuck in the idol worship process. It's 'these people don't know you' but artsy.
Even Lee Soo man sent Boa to japan to solidify her career back in the day.
They've had their gender wars, yaoi shotacon era, weird asf eras, religious guilt era, smooth jazz, blues, rap, kawaii, wannabe hood, what's our place in the universe era etc etc as a culture as a society. So their idol industry had a chance to grow slowly, rise up and simmer down naturally. Whereas Kpop just kind of had 20 or so years to boom and the artists have little more growth and development as a disney channel show after 3 seasons.
Boa of course went with the techno chic style that ruled Japan in the early 90s and she did very well.
America however is an entirely different beast, the talent in america is on a different level. Hybrid vigour going 1...2
but that's just a theory. Point is America's a different playground
(I was seven when I first watched her mv on mtv)
this is why most kpop gets their sound from abroad
(Boa's debut single eat you up was made by european producers I guess they were going for a more fusion Backstreet boys style american debut but there is a remix with Flo Rida)
(I may do a breakdown on this later, but it's just the way sm approached the whole thing. They wanted to create an urbanized Boa. That's such a dumb way to go about it. No concern for what actually fit her. That's sm's biggest mistake not letting their artists make their own decisions and be their own people. I watched an interview of her in La back in 2008/9 and she seemed like she was being shuffled around. This producer to that producer, now having to just become a whole new person. It didn't fit. Particularly because she wasn't american, it's not second nature or something she was at all used to.)
For s.m the superiority must be because the korean government is backing them up so they know they cannot fail. Now they feel superior to all of other asian talent and many go to korea to have a chance at becoming globally famous. That's fine.
Even fans of vocal deities don't go around disrespecting everyone like their fans do. Just because they made a point to imitate black singers and use their demos early in their career don't mean they are more elite than anybody else. I never see adele fans do this, it's giving insecurity. You don't have to keep repeating something everybody knows. I feel like as more time goes on the lack of originality is making their remakes more forgettable.
To use a comparison again, in one direction it was almost annoying how obsessed they were about songwriting, they were always in the studio trying to out do one another with the songs they made. Back in the day I thought it was pointless and I felt like Exo was more fun because they focused more on their bond and spending time together.
Now that I'm older it's woven all throughout the music that they had personal deep connections to what they were writing. This is why there are performances where the lyrics actually emotionally effect them, life, death, relationships, breakups, things the fans knew about things we didn't. That's what makes an artist.
Apparently a few members had writing credits on Kokobop and I read about what they said concerning it,
I will say that the group has added to a lot of their songs but I don't believe the craft for songwriting and composing becomes them. In Kpop I noticed many songs created lack a certain spark of life and personal touch
The fine details are also important, this isn't an exposing of the group simply clarification on things that aren't delved into. Many of the songs are remade and have a previous demo.
Knowing the background of the songwriting trio the stereotypes creating hits like Justin Bieber's somebody to love, Tomboy by Destiny Rodgers, Rocketeer by Far East Movement, they have quite a track record and their work is well known. I believe the average fan would give all the credit to Chanyeol because he 'worked on it'.
A very easy thing to find out but when people see an Exo members name on it many ignore anything else about it.
Especially with how they've regarded the black community in general. You truly wouldn't know the impact the black music industry had on kpop or sm unless you were american and it was just obvious to you already, or you researched and figured it out.
I bring this up to say the main compliment I see regarding exo's superior vocals is when members sing high notes and whatnot, which is fine. I love all types of vocals some of my favorite bands of all time is the fray and onerepublic, I purposely mention them because they are grown people music and not for immature 'stans' I hate whenever I bring up an artist that stan culture doesn't like and people bring up streams or who they dated as a drag. It's so immature and petty. So I use them because their music and vocals are not pass out but they are people who have mastered their own voice. It's unique, soulful and not trying to be anybody else. Personally to me this is when I know someone is a true master of their craft whenever they put their soul into their music when they sing.
In my personal opinion I always felt like I couldn't talk years ago, there was no room for oh yeah this artist kind of sings a bit better--if they didn't have stats, weren't popular it didn't matter. Yet, when people in the kpop fandom talked about their favorite artist they were top tier best in the industry and they had the numbers to prove it.
Now years later because the numbers aren't as good as people in the fandom may want it to be; they put other groups or artists down because they aren't real 'singers'. Then show clips of what is love/what if or some other obvious 90s rnb demo or a 90s japanese style pompeii style epic .
I just rarely see commentary about the obvious influences that were used to create the group that Exo's mythos/style/clothing and setup were based off of.
Which they can do because their leader/owner made friends with the right people and opened up a world of connections for them. Because many other groups have been cancelled for jacking theme's and concepts but that never happens with exo because sm owns/CALLS IN FAVORS/ with the media.
So those convo's are never had, so besides the average fanwar, most people can freely live in the world that exo is original and super duper talented above all others. Whenever someone wants to have a convo about this and actually know info about exo and can't just be deemed stupid and uneducated then 'it's not that important'
I tend not to bother or even talk about things that don't really irk me, but I can't lie sometimes I'm a bit irked. The false narratives truly do get to me, I remember a lot of stuff that many fans just weren't there for. I pass in on certain artists every now and then with Exo and Shinee being the only kpop boy groups I really listened to album after album, I keep wondering why I don't randomly get the urge to listen to them.
It could be a lot of reasons, bad memories, or I just am not into them as people. But celeb gossip to me means nothing. I don't care about rumors or someone's bad reputation if their music is good. It's not even the fandom cause some fandoms make me question humanity but when the beat drop I honestly don't really care
With Exo, honestly the music is something I have a hard time returning to. I once agreed with people that it was indeed better than other K-pop but now I'm starting to think that's a poor comparison. We are all equal, maybe not in ability but we all have the ability to put our heart and soul in what we do and if the music is good it should come off as right. There's little excuse when there are kids with youtube channels around the world who sound literally amazing, and they are no different than anybody, just singing to their heart's content. Passion, soul, drive. I believe that will always come off to others. It's what helped the civil rights cause for blacks back in the day, how they sang and danced. People just couldn't believe it.
Now we have an open market for talent so the competition is fierce but there is still people who blow listeners away. Every now and then I'll find a song that's good regardless of the singing style, they could be whispering or just humming and it sounds perfect, because they are doing what's for them.
Kpop is extremely manufactured to the point where this authenticity is very rare, few people truly sing with their heart and soul, it's mainly singing to impress and following a stiff formula. The problem with Exo mainly is the excellent catalogue they had access to, that lee soo man had access to. To me that was their ticket to stardom and a big reason not only for their success but the success of S.m entertainment as a whole. Many fans are less concerned with the details of how their artists and their work came to be and mainly are into the parasocial nature and competitive attitude of fandom for which the overall music and art suffers in my opinion.
The group finds little reason to give content and work very hard on their artistic ventures because honestly, who really cares. It's quite sad and the complete opposite of the music industry decades ago.
So most of the focus is just giving the group a concept, album or good song and the special touch the members give is next to none. The songs and albums could of been for anybody and deep down they know that which may lead to them being disconnected with their music.
Regardless as someone who watched many Untold stories about the black music industry, black artists were done bad, very badly, treated like dirt.
To see their music get new life is bittersweet because of the context in which it's happening, it seems ironic that people who care nothing for the cultural, political or even spiritual reasons for this music existing get to profit off of it. But that's just life. To get back into the talent aspect the singing in general all these years later I can hear now what my young ears couldn't. The vocal technique is mediocre and there is no attempt to fix it
Not only that fans who don't really care about vocal technique are going out of their way to claim not only is Exo superior to Kpop vocals which sure why not, but it's like a disrespectful attitude towards the black musicians and their 'versions'. As in the black musicians talent is ok but it couldn't compare to their Oppa's.
Many in kpop are guilty of this, but heavy is the head that wears the crown even after it's taken off. They are the kings of Kpop, no? Then they are responsible for inspiring the current generation more than anybody. If they are on the wrong path they are only following the example Exo set for them. They have called a lot of attention to their talent but I've yet to see them truly shine brighter than other's on their level. I believe there's a reason they stayed out of America. There is no such thing as constant popularity in the west. They don't just demand showing up and looking good and performing on a basic level. They want everything. Singing, dancing, choreography, artistry, political opinions etc etc.
Artists like Taylor Swift have written a majority of their music whether partially or fully. Hits and misses. It's a learning curve, but improvement is expected in the west. The more personal the better. Haley Williams also writes a majority of her music with her bandmates as well
Haley often talks first hand about her source of inspiration and always goes very deep when creating her music with her team.
constant artistic evolution is never easy there are blips and missteps but the point is an artist is responsible for putting their soul and passion into their work without concern of judgement.
Their hit Ain't it fun was unlike anything they'd done before fit with a gospel choir and all, it wasn't a sure hit but they went for it. A group can be an old group yet still keep it kicking artistically
weird and wacky can definitely work.
To keep going with the boyband contrasts Louis, and the other members, didn't just write one off songs he helped create songs that really had an impact on the group as well. This also helps with creativity because it must be discouraging to an artist to be an artist and have everything handed to them. How can they truly speak.
I put this in here because those boys really did work hard, they had a good run and they truly contributed to the music world despite having the most cookie cutter starting point.
End of Pt one
female authors and men who recommend them
everytime a woman says they are only reading a book or consuming certain media cause a male pop star said he personally likes it my heart fades away all of woman kind weeps
It can be true but the patriarchy is strong enough no need to even say stuff like that.
Especially cause a lot of times the books are written by female authors. I wonder is it is the fame association or the fact that its men giving stuff validity. I think the goal of men reading women centric work is to understand women better and the fans want to know what the guy likes but many never give an actual opinion.
Even if they did the point is to form your own opinion which will never be the same as a mans not really.
4 example a looooong time ago when I was a teen kji was still recommending books to fans back when fans read actual books. A lot of girls got sprung by the fact that he read a korean translation of me before you
( I only watched the movie and ended up reading the second book cause finnick from hunger games and khalessi from game of thrones was in it) but it was a big deal at the timw.
Now and days it is really not in the sm ent image to be intellectual for some reason, I suppose fans don't like that idk.
Many thought of it as a...indicator of him being..idk romantic.
Which..is possible but actually looking back in his old interviews he basically said he mainly read books to imagine himself in the main role he said this many times.
So he generally has little interest reading books he wouldn't want to be in. Me before you was a tragic romance which is basically his entire acting career. Andante, he cared for ill people the entire drama and his girlfriend who passes away. Spring has come, he cared for his girlfriends family and eventually his sick mother. Miracle that we met, literally played an angel...guardian angel..like that's very obvious.
Even the superm show as we wish where for like the first time ever the managers said the members get to create the mini dramas they want to star in.
Mark even reenacted his parents engagement story. Kji ended up doing a tragic romance that included memory loss and a car accident. It lowkey is neverending cause he even made it clear he hates romance but talked about a romance movie from the 70s he watched....where the fiance died.
Bonus round he only has writing credits on one song and it makes a reference to this movie. A very obvious reference.
Some people like what they like for very specific reasons. Even if you read the book or watch the movie you can't feel how they felt while consuming that same thing. It is good to pass on likes or learn of new things from people but its your own personal experience that matters.
I love watching golden girls because I think old people are like large adult babies who can talk, most people would never know thats basically the only reason I watched the show so many times.
This stuff although is there to just figure out but I think many assume korean is so hard to understand and confusing we must rely on social media to tell us who the kdolls are. 1stly tv interviews say much more than fansubs and fandoms. Many people do say a lot about who they are but many people read more fanfic than interviews. Some read both but the fandom version is more fun. I can say this cause I read kpop fanfic since like 2014 neve got in the way of like me knowing real personalities and fandom creations. This is shots fired for some people at least but kji isn't really shy..sm made him shy. He was super go getting and excited back in 2012 . Some may disagree that this was fake and the real him is shy, but I disagree, outside of Korea is usually when he's more talkative both to strangers and in general. Now it's reserved for the fans and outside of that he was typically mum. Nobody saw that kji again until at least a year into super m. Not simply clowning around but speaking his peace and defending himself and sharing his opinions.
In super m he got to be loud and obnoxious without censor because that's "American style" promotion. Cool guys can also be funny and total jerks yet still well liked in America.
yes he is an anxious person but not shy and introvert is a stretch.
Shy baby bear jongin at least to the degree it's been sold is giving noona fanservice I'm sorry. Anyone can be shy at any given moment but shy as in a personality trait is a bit much for anyone who's an idols and literally interacts with new people everyday.
I LOVE pseudoscience and feel like many things in pseudoscience are very accurate and have a lot of truth in them. But personality tests are iffy at best and go only surface level of what makes up a person. I also don't believe the basis of the test is ... good either
It's important to note that it was made to pigeon hole women more than actually discover who a person truly was on the inside.
Those personality test are inaccurate on multiple levels, please research many books debunking the extrovert introvert myth similar to animals personality changes with environment and comfortability. The same shy person in New York can be an extrovert in Los Angeles. Also personal experiences can craft a person's being extroverted or introverted. It's not a 100 percent set thing that can't change...complete myth..one that America and a lot of first world countries have latched onto in the name of faux tribalism.
For multiple reasons I keep referring to other sources to expound upon the fact that it gives me major ick people can't see how gross the origins of a Eurocentric world war two control device to dehumanize women SHOULD NOT be used as an accurate test of any kind and it's based off of a very immoral and inhuman type of thinking. I highly recommend reading this for appropriate cultural scope. I think it's better explained by these author's.
The craze to me was honestly a bit scary with how many people quickly latched onto these labels and identified themselves like, for so many reasons nooo! It's really ick to me for lots of reasons, yes it's fun but many people label idols like this. Rare types and common types, introverts and extroverts and it's like the idols begin to play more into the roles they were assigned.
Jongin being branded as an introvert(the offstage version of exo kai still a character btw) was to I believe sell a certain image to the fans. Introverts don't go out to clubs and party with girls and their friends, they stay quiet and text on bubble and act like they are texting their middle school clique. It always gives I don't know anybody here guys come get me. Yet that obviously can't happen but it creates that illusion and further deepens the bond.
At a certain point kji just stopped really saying much cause the bear bear image is what people cared about. I remember early on he explained how much he didn't like fanservice but he would try to get better. Basically I think he may have liked the book because of it having a caretaker in it and he likes that caretaker role. Most visible when he's with kids.
He as a person has that as a strong part of his character. I wish people would try to look at things a little deeper. If one does feel the need to get something or consume something just like their fave did at least maybe one form your own opinion and enjoy your own personal experience first and foremost but also understand why that other person likes that thing. People like men written by women more than the women who write them. Understand it takes a lot of positive influence from women to make a man like that. I.e the mother and other older female role models.