I think that a problem that a lot of people have nowadays when discovering their identity is “aesthetics”. I don’t mean like, “oh wow, that’s so aesthetically pleasing!” It is 100% to enjoy something because of how it looks. The problem, though, is when you enjoy an aesthetic (or several) to the point where if a part of your identity doesn’t correspond to one, you have to “fix” it. It’s harder to be yourself when you’re constantly worrying about which behaviour would fit into little boxes, and which wouldn’t.
That being said, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying an aesthetic, or simply liking something based on its appearance. The problem is when you lose motivation to do things you love because they aren’t “cutesy cottagecore femmecore coquette”. For example, I used to be utterly obsessed with the “That Girl” aesthetic. I woke up everyday at 6:30, worked out for 10 minutes, ate healthy foods whenever I could, took up journaling, started researching whatever I felt like, and cleaned up after myself and others. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problem began, though, when I found traits that weren’t something that “That Girl” would do. I’d listen to loud rock music, I’d sleep in on weekends, sometimes I’d skip workouts, etc. And because these habits didn’t fit into my little boxes that I made, I felt awful. I fell into a pit of self-hate, and started beating myself up over it. I found new interests, and lost even more motivation to fit into that aesthetic. But here’s the thing:
Nothing in life is going to be perfect.
The idea of having to correspond to an aesthetic is ridiculous at this point. Want to be “emo”, but also enjoy dressing in colourful clothes and don’t want to spend $500 on a pair of shoes? Okay!
Want to be “That Girl” who has a 10 step skincare routine and is super fit, but lack the dedication and funds? That’s okay, too!
Nothing is ever going to fit in a single little box. Sometimes they’ll fit into cabinets. Somethings they’ll mix with other things. Sometimes, you can just enjoy something. There shouldn’t be a pressure to have a perfectly curated image, just because it corresponds to a certain category of being. You’re not just an aesthetic, you’re you.
There’s a good video by Shinspeare on YouTube, called “Social Media’s Obsession with Aesthetics and Curated Identities” that is really lovely, and talks about the subject as well!