Steve Harrington was tired.
Tired from the shitty day he'd been having.
Tired of all the sleepless nights he'd been having over the last few years.
But worst of all, he was tired of his existence.
There were days when he didn't want to go on, when he just wanted to stop existing.
It wasn't going to get any better, if anything it was only going to get worse.
Steve was very sure of that.
He had thought about just ending it all, about what would happen if he simply sank into his pool and never emerged again.
But those were thoughts he would keep strictly to himself.
He couldn't do that to Robin and the kids.
They had all endured enough in the last few years, he shouldn't be a part of their trauma.
But he knew that eventually they would leave him behind. That he would become too much and then. Yes, then he could disappear, when no one needed him anymore.
Steve lived as long as his friends still needed him.
He pretended everything was fine and was there when they called for him.
It was after Starcourt that someone started to notice his behavior.
Robin couldn't stop thinking about what had happened and she thought about what had happened to Steve.
She thought about how he had always stepped right in front of her.
How he had run towards a gun.
How he had done the talking and had been the first to be "questioned".
Something that wouldn't let her go.
Had Steve done all that consciously?
Had he actively used himself as a human shield?
However, Robin stopped thinking about it.
It would never go back to normal, but she was happy that it was as close to normal as possible.
Robin had to think about it again after she had told him that she felt that not everyone would get out of here again.
She didn't know why she had to think about it afterwards, only later would she realize that his answer had never included himself. That he was always concerned that all the OTHERS survived.
But at that very moment, other problems were more pressing than the question of what was different about the interaction.
After Vecna was defeated and Eddie and Max were in the hospital, Steve was as busy as ever making sure everyone was okay.
This time she saw clearly that he was taking care of everyone else and not himself.
She wasn't the only one who saw it.
Eddie asked her if Steve was actually taking a break.
They both wished he would.