So I watched Baby Reindeer. I'm going to be honest, I wasn't interested at first, but it gained a lot of attention by Tiktokers. I don't have my own Netflix account, so when my mum travelled and I had access to her TV, I took a chance while I could. 7 episodes, 20-30 minutes each.
I feel like the suspense was ruined since I knew it was a stalker situation, but I guess I was patient enough to see what would happen. I heard people talking about how Martha was scary, or how they found Baby Reindeer to be a horror, and I must admit that it wasn't the same case for me. When I think of horror I think of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or Ichi the Killer. If we're going to argue about realistic situations when I'm going to throw in Audition 1999, a film about a man ignoring red flags and suffering the consequences of chasing after a woman he had no business chasing. Perhaps I have tainted my mind of so many disgusting images that I didn't register that I was watching a horror.
Speaking of ignoring red flags, I understood that Donnie was a victim, and I understand that trauma can affect how a person views the world and how they may navigate certain situations. I know Richard Gadd was sort of confronting himself when retelling that story, and how it's to investigate his psychology. But I also understood that he was an idiot.
A part of me genuinely thought his gender had something to do with it. How men will see a situation vs how women will see a situation. The Man vs Bear situation influenced that thought process of mine. But the episode that opens up about him being groomed and taken advantage of cancelled that out. Maybe he kept underestimating Martha because he sees a poor little woman who needs help.
Martha is a dangerous person, yet he entertained her, sort of. It was clear that he wanted to set boundaries, but didn't know how to, especially if her feelings were going to be hurt. Somehow Martha found her way around it, and when he did set a boundary for sure she started lashing out. She became worse, and yet somehow he was still able to hold sympathy for her. I think that sympathy is forgiveness, but not the kind that demands you to run with caution, the kind that convinces you to give one more chance.
One act of kindness was punished. Is punished. While I can relate, a vengeful part of me scolds him instead. Martha attacked Teri. I hated how Martha was made out to be someone to sympathise with. She threatened and hurt people, and is shown to be a bit of a racist and maybe a homophone, meaning she's an overall unpleasant person. I don't care if she has mental health problems, that doesn't make her innocent or someone I should sympathise with. Do you know what's also mental health? A 36 year old man stabbing a 14 year old boy to death in Hainault. That actually happened.
As soon as a mentally unwell individual starts harming people it's wraps. Donnie contacted the police, but didn't tell the police about Teri. He went along with his dead-end-job coworkers about not reporting what Martha did at the bar to the police because it would be bad for business. The same coworkers who looked through his email and sent that inappropriate message to Martha, making things worse for Donnie. He willingly associated himself with bad people, and willingly put himself through sticky situations. Also, faking who he is on a dating app? Scary. Yes, Donnie is a victim, but he's a massive idiot. Like people who continue to let others suck the life out of them even though they know they shouldn't. Dogs returning to vomit.
I didn't psychoanalyse him while watching the show, but now that I think about his actions, he's just as bad a person. Yes, he told off Martha after she attacked Teri, but it shouldn't have ever gotten that far in the first place. Richard Gadd was honest about not being a 'woe is me' character, and how his younger self made many dumb decisions. I also know that info on stalking was quite limited at the time, such as the fact that giving them attention makes things worse. Donnie saw her at the bus stop, spacing out, and instead of leaving her there to suffer he got her home. But even that act of kindness, Martha still contacted his family to send threats. She didn't stop being a horrible person. No good deed goes unpunished with people like this. No matter what way it is framed, Martha is not a poor little misunderstood creature, she's a monster.
Conclusion: Baby Reindeer, while an entertaining watch, just made me angry. It makes me think of people who are naive and are forced to learn the hard way. No matter how many times they learn, the lesson doesn't hit.