Mayward - Blog Posts
JJ: [banging his phone on the table in anger]
Pope: Hey, don't be mean to the phone- how would you like it if I banged You on the table, hmm?
JJ, eyes wide
Pope
JJ: yes ple-
Pope: DONT ANSWER THAT
JJ, under his breath: Futurehusbandsayswhat
Pope: huh
Topper: What
JJ: FUCK NO
Pope, exasperated: but how do I know if he’s gay?
John B: here. JJ!
JJ, looking up from his phone on the couch: what
John B: would you rather give up cheese or blow jobs for the rest of your life?
Pope: that’s not-
JJ, shrugging: blow jobs maybe… they hurt my jaw
Pope *eyes blowing wide*
John B: you’re welcome.
*JJ and Pope working on their new house together*
JJ: just pound the nail into the wall
Pope, muttering: I’ll pound you against a wall
Pope: I have a new hoodie.
JJ: Wrong.
JJ: We have a new hoodie.
Pope: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.
JJ: Oh. We're going out?
Pope: Wh...
JJ: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Pope: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. JJ: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Pope: Is it working?
JJ: is there a cactus where your heart should be?
Kiara: what’s up your ass this morning?
Pope, walking into the room and kissing JJ’s cheek: hey
Kiara: hm. Nevermind.
John b: *chokes*
JJ: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]
Pope: What's that?
JJ : Remorse code.
Pope: I'm even angrier now.
Pope, setting a laptop in his lap: laptop
Pope, setting the laptop on JJ’s lap: lapbottom
JJ: first of all, fuck you-
JJ, screaming and running with a metal bin: I’M BREAKING THE WINDOW!
‘Emergency assistance, this is Trisha’
Pope: hi, we.. we locked our baby in the car and people are judging us
JJ: I SWEAR TO GOD IM GONNA BREAK IT
Pope: do not break it, you’ll get glass on him!
‘Sir, please tell your wife to relax, everything is going to be okay’
Pope: that’s a man
‘Really?’
*the pogues playing a game*
Sarah, picks up an card: JJ, name something you might hurt yourself riding on
JJ, biting his lip: oh lawd, you know what I’m thinking?
*JJ’s mind*: pope. Pope. Pope.
Sarah, grimacing: I have an idea
JJ: it’s pope
Pope *chokes on his beer*
Sarah: I fucking figured.
John b and Kiara *watches in horror*
Rafe : JJ sucks
Pope: mhm
Pope: he swallows too
Rafe: *absolutely horrified*
Pope: JJ, I’m feeling like I don’t deserve to be loved
JJ: *in a baby voice* aw, bubbas, do you wanna cuddle? would that make you feel be-
JJ: *looks up to see Pope recording*
JJ: delete it. Fucking delete it.
JJ: imagine being gay or something like that
Pope: JJ, we’ve been sleeping together for 8 months
JJ: okay but thats not like gay gay you know?
Pope: JJ, you’re literally a bottom
JJ: *mocking* jj you’re literally a b- shut the fuck up
JJ: hold the fuck up
Pope: ??
JJ: I’m the fuck up
JJ: hold me
Sarah: would you punch someone for 2 million dollars?
JJ: I’d roundhouse kick Rafe for looking at me
Kiara: have you proposed yet?
Pope: no, but in my head JJ and I have two kids and a library
JJ, pointing: can I sit there?
Pope: that’s my lap
JJ: that still doesn’t answer my question
John b: I have the sharpest memory. Name one time I forgot something.
JJ: you left me in the parking lot two weeks ago
John B: I did that on purpose
JJ and Pope *staring into each other’s eyes*
John B *opens a beer*
JJ: we’re having a moment
John b: and I’m having a beer
John B: why are people so obsessed with top and bottom? I’d just be happy to have a bunk bed
JJ:
Sarah:
Kiara:
Pope:
JJ: I’m gonna tell him
Pope: don’t you dare
Pope: some bottoms are just too bratty for their own good
JJ, immediately: and I took that personally.
JJ: I don't always make great decisions under pressure..
Pope: what the hell is that?
JJ, *holding an alpaca by a leash*: Its an alpaca! I got the last one
Everyone at DisneyLand Pt2
JJ: Cooper, sweetie, don't pull
Heyward: Cooper, heel!
Pope, *rolling his eyes* dad.
Heyward: if I had known you guys were gonna do this, I would have brought Stella
Pope: it was JJ's idea
JJ: so much for the united front. I'll have you know despite all your jokes, Cooper enjoys it
Cooper: Woof! Woof!
JJ: Okay, sweetie, not helping.
Everyone at DisneyLand pt1
Kiara: is that a leash? JJ, *Holding the leash attached to their sons harness* No, its a child safety tether
Pope: It's a leash, don't judge us
JJ: we have a runner
Pope: Cooper is going through a phase, oh, we hope its a phase
JJ: He bolts every chance he gets
JJ, *chasing Cooper at the park* COOPER!
JJ, *chasing Cooper in town* COOPER!
JJ, *chasing Cooper out of Day care* COOPER!
JJ: So we had no choice but to put him on a child safety tether
Pope: its a leash, and... we did have a choice
Cooper *drops his basket*: oh fuck.
*Pope gawks*
*JJ trying to hold back his laughter*
Pope, later that day: okay, honey. We need to talk about something. It’s about the word you said this morning.
Cooper: what word?
Pope, holding his hands: you know, the one starting with F.
Cooper: flower?
Pope: no
Cooper: fruits?
Pope: no.
JJ: if he doesn’t remember it, maybe we shouldn’t remind him
Pope, glaring at JJ: he said it three times.
Cooper: oh! You mean fuck!
*JJ, falls back against the couch unable to stop laughing*
Pope: JJ, leave the room!
Pope, walking across their lawn: I’ve seen hogs, I’ve seen goats, I’ve even seen a three-legged-
*Pope, falls into the mini inflatable pool in the middle of the lawn.*
JJ, holding their baby, trying not to laugh but failing: Oh! Oh my god-
Pope, looking up and glaring.
JJ, covering his face: I’m sorry-
Pope: really, JJ? I could have just died.
*Pope, stands and falls out of the pool.*
JJ, wheezing.