Melancholic - Blog Posts
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean, Tears from the depth of some divine despair Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes, In looking on the happy autumn-fields, And thinking of the days that are no more.
"Alfred tennyson"
Not a huge fan of make up but I just felt like painting my face today #lgbt #lesbehonest #melancholic #deftonesmusic #bequietanddrive #idontcarewherejustfar
I had stopped feeling, feeling what my emotions wanted to tell me. Eventually the pressure became so strong that I couldn’t ignore it. And I was amazed at how big the emotional memory of my subconscious seems to be. I was getting more and more aware that I couldn’t run away from myself.
Suddenly the soul no longer plays along. My body feels empty. Don’t be like that, I tell myself. Hang in there, you won’t let it get you down. I’m trying to play cool. But that costs additional strength. Darkness comes more and more often. My gaze is empty. My body’s getting heavy. I can’t hide it anymore. The abyss captivates me.
How are people able to love each other romantically so much? How are they able to fall in love since they are in kindergarten? How are they able to find humans that they want to hold and touch and kiss on a regular basis and how they don't think about being somewhere else while doing so... How? How? How...
Is everyone just pretending? Is it that... at some point, you just stop looking? Is it that you settle? Is it that you stop hoping for a great love and you let it go? Do you love the people that you fall asleep next to? How does it look like? How does it feel like?
Is it just luck...
Are some people conditioned to want, to yearn, to wish with no place to release theyre heart? Is wanting really everything there is for some?
longing for a touch, longing to be held in someone's arms, without a rush, without time and space between you two
what is it if not the greatest pleasure and the most vicious curse of the human kind
4/4/2021
Textures of the sleepy forest, cold air, wind running through the naked branches, czech nature, cold spring days, easter holidays, dirty shoes, taking pictures, feeling the creative rush, tones of brown, red noses and calmness.
photos are mine
Me: wants to be a mysterious, well read, outspoken, strong, adventurous, passionate and confident woman, who is still somehow ethereal and has the kindest heart, loves deeply and is always there to help.
Also me: is actually an obnoxious, introverted and weird person who is uncomfortable around people that she doesn't know (or just people in general), who can't use language properly, ignores everything and everyone and does spend the entirety of her time alone in her room.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
- Vivian Greene
It currently rains so much in my country. Clouds do apparently think that it's quite a while from the last major floods and we need more water in our gardens and cellars and... hospitals... and schools... and retirement homes. Like what... Ok. Ok.
My final thesis is finally coming together. It's raining here a lot and I feel in peace with my deadline... at least for this moment.
“Pochoduji jako voják, kterému bubnují do kroku. Má duše mě opustila. Bloudí horskými stráněmi a hlídá zbytečné hroby.”
- Květa Legátová, Jozova Hanule
“I march in the rythm of drums like a soldier. My soul left me. It wonders through the mountains slopes and watch over unnecessary graves.”
- Jozova Hanule (translated by me)