i have a question: why do you keep sabotaging yourself? why is it that as soon as you think something is just out of your reach you do everything you can to get in your own way? why is it that as soon as things seem to be going right, you plant your feet and sit on the ground with your legs crossed?
you're not fucking lucky. you worked for it, you sweated, and you cried, and you sacrificed so much to reach the level of knowledge and skill you have now.
have you worked so hard only to say "how lucky"? no, damn it, i won't let you. you may not be a genius, you may not be the best in the world, but do you fucking think anyone could do what you did? do you think anyone could get to where you are? do you believe that anyone has the possibilities that you have?
put this in your head, you are not unexpressed potential, you are exceptional and with your hard work you can achieve unimaginable things. stop wasting your dreams just because they seem too big for the drawer.
edit : in italian we say "dream in the drawer" when we refer to a hope that is unlikely to come true, but not impossible.
ex. my dream in the drawer is to become a famous singer all over the world
(just in case you didn't understand the last sentence)