Noisy Neighbors - Blog Posts
A Form Letter to Your Noisy Upstairs Neighbors
With the weekend upon us, you may run into the some issues in your apartment building. If you have problems similar to mine, feel free to use this form letter to post on your neighbors' door. It should sufficiently clear up any issues you have with them and definitely not start a passive aggressive note war.
Dear Neighbors at [Your Address Here],
Last evening at approximately 2 o'clock ante meridiem, I was awakened from my slumber by a thunderous stampede.
It seems the herd of adorable yet boisterous pygmy elephants you are are (illegally) keeping in your apartment had broken loose of their restraints, causing a stampede during which they overturned a number of boulders large and small. They continued their merriment and parading for over an hour while I fruitlessly attempted to return to my dreams.
At one point, I even heard them communicating, which was quite confounding since, to my knowledge, elephants don't have the lingual skills necessary to say, "Oh my GOD!" several times. Perhaps, however, I was in a hallucinatory and near dreamlike state due to my exhaustion.
If you would kindly secure your herd of (did I mention illegal in the state of [your state here]?) elephants, I would not only be much obliged but also eternally grateful. My roommates, I'm sure, would also benefit from a more well rested, sunnier version of myself.
Likewise, please be sure to advise me if ever my Speakeasy has robbed you or your miniature proboscidae of sleep or peace of mind. I generally attempt to keep the bawdy, jazz-fueled ribaldry to a minimum, as I am ever aware that you rest just 15 feet above and, alack and alas, our ceilings are not yet soundproof.
Until that glorious, soundless day, I bid you adieu! Stay well and give my warmest regards to the herd.
Sincerely,
[Your name here] the neighbor downstairs
PS - Wherever do you find and store sufficient food stuffs to feed such ravenous creatures?
PPS - hugs n kisses
SEX SEX SEEEEX!
I'm not sure about everyone else but my girlfriend and I enjoy our sleep. We have an extremely comfortable bed and a bedroom that is cool and almost completely pitch black for 15 hours or so. But over the past few months that glorious sleep has been interrupted by our neighbors having extremely loud porno sounding sex.
Our building has an air shaft that runs through it, which houses 3 of our 5 windows (the two in the kitchen and the one in the bedroom). It's nice because even though we're an inner apartment we get some extra light, unfortunately we also share the shaft with a few other apartments. One being our overly sexual neighbors. Don't get me wrong, I love sex too, and it's something Allison and I try to do as much as possible. But at 3, 4, 5 and 7am on a WEEKDAY we prefer to be asleep instead of listening to the moaning and groaning of another couple. At first when we moved in it was funny (we heard them one night while brushing our teeth "Holy crap I can hear our neighbors having sex!") but when you've gotten maybe 3 hours sleep under your belt and our woken up by a high pitched female "UHAAAAAAAAAAAA" it becomes annoying as shit.
Am I wrong? Should we be celebrating their humping? Is this all part of living in an old building? Or should I shout out the window for them to shut the fuck up?