On Friendship - Blog Posts
"I love you , I'm glad we're friends"
characters going “we were lovers once”: eh, it’s okay i guess. it’s nice enough
characters going “we were friends once”: absolutely devastating. one hit knockout i’m gone
I am a big fan of platonic expressions of love, as there are very few things that make me feel happier than when I am with my friends. I also like thinking, and so I have put my thoughts into words.
I am easily taken over by the devotion that I feel towards the people I love.
I want to give all of myself to the little family that we’ve made together, the one not sharing the blood that I have, but the one that has come together to be what it is now.
Occasionally I am afraid that they do not see me like this. I feel as though I may come off as too strong at times, and I don’t want them to see me in that light. I want to spend the rest of my life with them because I love them. I love being near them. I love being their family. I love devoting my whole world to them and our future.
Perhaps I am too wishful? I don't want to be. I want this to not be a dream. I want to make it real, and I can with time and hard work. I can carve out a future for us if they will let me.
I cannot let myself fear a future without them by my side, so I put myself in the present, and I see them and I know that they are there and real. I sit there with the little family that I helped create, and I let myself know that fear will not stop me.
I will take the future and make it into another day's present.
In another universe I never outgrew you because you got to grow up with me
love & friendship - collected writings from side wounds and other poems
sleepless
it whispers to me,
it wants to know
it will not quiet
it can’t let go
beside my pillow,
loud beat of heart
it cannot stop,
it cannot start
curiousity disquiets the head
circulate, metabolism
energified, stomach dread
tap of toe, pick of finger
sensual slide of bared leg
i cannot settle, unscratched itch,
i will not ever be at rest
breezeblock
it is beautiful, quietly beautiful
it needs no announcement nor gaudy proclamation of arrival
gentle patter of snowfall,
whispered brush of leaf
it is there through blustering sunshine
it is there in deadened sleep
the silence is a thing in itself, the
backdrop of every play
you are never not without it
it's patient, it lies in wait
and when you are ready for it, though you may never be
going out a thing of rage,
riotous against the peace
they'll tie you to the bed
and you'll spit out useless fury
it will greet you, with open arms and heart
it begs you to forgive
but you're animal, not god
and love spawns hatred in your heart
when you're tired and heaving
back bent and wrists red,
the silence will creep
aimless night will descend
and if you've never lived without sound
the quiet is unfamiliar, in the end
it's just you and the trees, and they're scary, yes
but they are soft,
but they are friend
to the one --
you’ve been forever a lack,
a hole, an absence
i cannot imagine you,
because i idolize you
i want, so desperately, for you to be
an absence yet constant presence
you lurk, a nagging feeling
an abcess, an itch
and yet i could not seek you out
because a part of me still thinks
we will crash on the street,
or touch hands at the bookstore,
we’ll smile shyly and pass,
gazes will linger
amid flashing lights or buzzing drone,
or elevator music, or raucous home
any way that would seem
like the stars drew our fate
but you can’t argue that from a swipe,
so it scares me, to find you that way
in the pit, the emptiness of my soul
when i should’ve been looking to the ones who fill,
to the excess, to the outpouring
to the ones i know.
you are quiet giggle
confession stuck as it leaves,
weaving through the crowded street
you are late nights texting,
and the last one to put the phone down,
and borrowed shoes for the night or the week,
and fingers gripping my back when we hug
you taught me ‘i love you’ when i leave the car,
and you taught me to face what i truly felt
you taught me it would turn out okay,
and you taught me when to fight back
love is a whole,
tangible and real
i’ll recognize you when i see you
when i know you, it will mean
i was not fixed,
didn’t find my other half
you were never the first,
you will not be the last
on scent
scent indicates familiarity; it’s always there but doesn’t really mean anything until it means something,
and now its not just brownies cooking, but ours over stifled giggles at two am
and now its not just a car exhaust, but yours singing songs into a sunset
and then, years later, you catch a whiff
and your head turns, inevitably, because it would be worse than shame, to miss something you love
and maybe a part of you wants you to be happy
and when you lose that forever maybe you’ll seek it in a bottle, or save it in fabric, or even try to rediscover it in the recesses of your mind,
but scent is uniquely reserved for the here and now,
and i will never live this moment again, but
maybe i will catch a whiff of it on the breeze
and my head will turn ever so slightly,
and i will remember oh, how i loved you so.
on friends
i love you because you know me
even when i’m scared no one does,
when i think no one will.
you are my mirror, but in your eyes i might be more than pretty
but rather something beautiful
and maybe the terror isn’t a bad thing, but an anticipation, waiting
for someone to love me like you do,
patiently.
you know to have a gentle touch with my heart
you know where it hurts
i love when things remind me of you
that we’re past insecurity,
that we don’t skirt.
you make me want to be tangible, perceived
in the little things like this, maybe there's value in belief
maybe i can find myself, to be a home for you
if you know me it must mean i exist.
i love that you inspire me endlessly
i love that with you i don’t have to pretend
thank you for being here, always
it's a heart swell to know someone who cares.
we have grown up together but we continue to choose
and every time i know i made the right choice when it's you