Only In Gotham - Blog Posts
GUESS WHO GOT A (SORT OF) JOB BITCHES
So I’ve recently started volunteering at my local aviary shelter, doing the more maintenance jobs, like cleaning, washing food bowls and toys, changing light bulbs from time to time, fixing broken appliances, re teaching the owner how to use TikTok, things like that. I also help set up our stands and hand out flyers, and get attention to any of our fundraisers, which we sometimes do because other shelters need help. AND NOBODY THOUGHT TO TELL ME, THAT THE PENGUIN COMES IN REGULARLY . So I’m helping clean up for the night, and get asked “hey, can you stay with me a few more hours. Mya (one of our parrots) is sick, and I could use the extra help with whatever might come up, as she’s supposed to be under constant watch.” I get it, I really do, and I was worried about our sweet Mya just as much as they were, and so I agreed. The lights in the front started flickering, so I go up there to check on it/clean up. BUT GUESS WHO THE FUCK I SAW. THE ARCTIC BIRD HIMSELF, AGAIN. I’m confused thinking “are we getting robbed” when he smiles, waves and asks “not surprised you work here! I assume your helping keep an eye on Mya? Where is she?” I’m still a little baffled, so I just point to the back and he thanks me, meanwhile dialup noises are playing in my head as I try to figure out what the FUCK is goin on. So I go into the back and find him helping watch after Mya.
It’s been two hours. We’ve been sitting here talking about birds the whole time, and at some point the riddler showed up to “pick up his boyfriend” and we’ve started talking about the genetic relationship between vultures and storks
So, I made a bird feeder out of a milk carton (very easy, worth the google, will post instructions if wanted) and was hanging it up in Gotham Central Park. While filling it up with bird seed, I got approached by one arctic bird named crime lord. At first, I got a little worried, for obvious reasons, but then he asked me about it. And of course ADHD/Autism brain went “fuck yeah special interest time!” And I wound up sort of rambling about bird feeders made from recycled materials, native bird diets, and the birds themselves. When I realized that I had been rambling, I got HELLA embarrassed, as I usually get negative reactions for it. But he just? Started talking to me about birds? And at some point the fucking SCARECROW showed up, along with riddler? And we all just sat and talked about birds? And it was probably one of the BEST conversations I’ve ever had, because almost NOBODY EVER wants to talk or hear about my special interests, and it was just, fuckin amazing.
It’s me, ya boi
GOTHAMITES IF YOU SEE THIS YOU HAVE TO MAKE A PICREW OF YOURSELF RN HERES THE LINK https://picrew.me/image_maker/1170750
HERES MINE😎
conversation I had the blessing of hearing
Penguin: I’m sorry I don’t take advice from a madman.
Hatter: we’ll I don’t take criticism from whores!
Penguin: >:O
Riddler: says the whore.
Hatter: >:0
Scarecrow: takes one to know one.
Riddler: >:0
Joker: the slut energy in this room is immaculate.
Fish: listen son, in this world, there’s the sluts and the losers. Go whore or go home.
Oswald: go whore.
Fish: correct bitch.
Hey, so, if you guys would like to know what school in Gotham is like, feel free to ask! It’s…. Interesting, to say the least
YO I WAS ON MY WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL, and right outside the school a fucking FRESHMAN was BEATING THE SHIT out of a very pervert teacher from another school, because some kids from metropolis came for something Idk. That’s not even the best part. A teacher from OUR school walked by STARED AT THE TEACHER ON THE GROUND, AND SAID “Damn, it really be like that.” AND JUST, KEPT WALKING
Me and the baseball team are going to metropolis this weekend to spray paint pride flags on lux Luthers tower, who wants to come?
Edit: he doesn’t deserve to have his name spelled correctly. I’ll change it when he starts funding charities.
I swear to FUCKING GOD, if I get interrupted during a test ONE MORE TIME by jokers BULLSHIT, THERE WILL BE BLOOD. I HAVE GRADES TO UPHOLD DAMNIT!
Hey Everyone! Sorry for not posting the results Saturday, but here we are!
Two-face. And let me tell you, he was in a BITCHY mood last week
I just saw Riddler and Scarecrow making a deal with a bunch of 9th graders that if they all made A’s on there tests today, they would teach them how to hack into the GCPD
Update: GUESS WHAT I LEARNED TODAY (even though I’m in 11th grade)
So, here’s a fun fact.
Riddler will go out of his way to avoid fucking up the school. Hell, he’s ENCOURAGED us to go to school. So it’s really funny when another villain makes us miss school, because he gets really mad. And its always the new people that do it to. I don’t know if I’m making much sense, so here’s what my classmate heard when they got kidnapped:
“Who you got?”
“Some school boy, I don’t know. He’s dressed all nice like, so his parents are probably rich.”
“Nice knowing you.”
“What?”
“Your making this kid miss class.”
“So?”
*Gunshots*
“Ah, that’d be Riddler.”
Our favorite green question mark was really ready to get in a fist fight with GOD over the disruption of this child’s education.
Lady’s, gentlemen and others, I have gathered the votes, and here’s this week’s edition of
“Who’s gonna fuck up public transit the most”
Starting at 10$, we have Two-face. He’s been inactive lately, so it makes sense
At 7$, we have, Surprisingly, Riddler. Then again, school started about two weeks ago, so, you know, tis the season
And at 2$, we have Joker. He’s just been put back in Arkham, so we have a good two days to a week before he starts fucking shit up
That’s it for this week everyone, I’ll post the results on Saturday!
Only in Gotham does Bane escort you and your friends to school when the bus can’t be bothered to show up
Only in Gotham does the school baseball team captain set up practice in front of the apartment building of whoever pissed them off this week
Update: currently hiding from the cops in a dumpster. There’s no fucking service in here.
Well I suppose that’s true, my car got crushed by Clayface last week.
One time in Gotham there was this tiny coffee shop that was being investigated for embezzlement but it turns out that it was just Bruce Wayne tipping way more than necessary.
Does it? I moved here a few months ago.
One time in Gotham there was this tiny coffee shop that was being investigated for embezzlement but it turns out that it was just Bruce Wayne tipping way more than necessary.
One time in Gotham there was this tiny coffee shop that was being investigated for embezzlement but it turns out that it was just Bruce Wayne tipping way more than necessary.
This is everything I want and more.
Bruce: Batman will be a cryptid. An urban legend, designed to strike fear in the hearts of criminals.
Bumper stickers in Gotham City:
"Batman ate my entire ass at a Big Belly Burger"
"Half man. Half bat. All friend."
"Batman is real. We made out. He is a gentle and caring lover."
Bruce: ... Alfred, I think I made a mistake.