Ouch My Feelings - Blog Posts

How we deal with grief

Peter loses a civilian, it was a simple mugging, 2 guys, they cornered the woman, she was 24, and newly married, she and her husband had married early when she fell pregnant at 21, Spider-Man jumped down into the alley way and webbed the two men to the wall just as the gunshot went off, there were three men. she dropped to the ground and peter quickly ran to her side, the man ran off with her bag and the gun, she wasn't moving.

He got home that night and went straight to his room, everyone was either already sleeping or just assumed he was tired. When he came out no one was still in the common room, everyone had moved to their own room. He walked out in black tights and a tight shirt, bright red ballet shoes in his hand, tears had stopped falling but the evidence was still there.

They were the last thing Ben had brought him before he died, he hadn't danced since Ben's death. He tried, he got up like nothing was wrong, and may drove him to his lesson. He had to tell her where it was, she didn't know,  Ben was always the one to drive him. He broke in his new shoes, never worn before, then put them on. He walked to the bar and put his hand on it before he broke down in tears and ran back out to the car, where he took off his shoes. They were only worn once before they went back into the box they came in.

He had FRIDAY take him down to the main training room, it had mirrors and a ballet bar for Natasha, Tony put it in once he found out she did ballet. he sat down and slid the shoes on before tying them up, they still fit as perfectly as they did the first time, he stood on point before walking to the bar and stretching, first he did common stretches before going into intense stretching and finding comfort in the burn, 15 minutes later he walked to the center of the little dance area, he took a deep breath in, "FRIDAY, can you put the room on lockdown please, I don't want anyone coming in" "are you sure peter you seem distressed?" "yes FRIDAY- please" "the room is on lockdown", he looked in the mirror and stuck his leg out, bent his other leg and took another deep breath, then spun.

Three spins later he put his leg down and then repeated the motion, leg out, bend knee and spin, after the first spin tears started to fall down his cheeks again. One after the other, he didn't stop until he had done 100; he took a water bottle from the mini fridge in the corner before taking his place in the center of the room again and starting again.

Mourning Bucky After His Death in 1945

(Inspired by^ this channel is wonderful, their ambiences always get my head in the right place for writing: beware, angst)

You got the news late, when the Commandos came back from the mission...and there was one missing. They didn't need to say a thing - the gap in their ranks, and the look on Steve's face, said it all.

Being a nurse, you couldn't stop to feel the pain or even really process it. But once the rush ended, and you stepped into the quiet street, everything fell on you at once. Tears poured, and your heart felt like it could burst. Bucky usually picked you up when your breaks came. His absence hit you like a truck.

Instead, you walked along the street in a thin army uniform and shivered all the way. A bitter wind blew through Brooklyn this time of year, but the cold you felt had little to do with the weather.

Somehow, your feet brought you to the old docks where Bucky worked through the summers. That was years ago, now, and seemed like a different life. You couldn't help but smile, recalling the laughter and choice language that used to fill the air.

Once, when you began to realise the full extent of your feelings, you came to the docks and watched him for the whole day. Instead of hiding away how you felt, you relished in it.

Sixteen was a hell of an age to fall in love, especially in the thirties. But reciprocated love...it blossomed and bloomed so beautifully. With Steve, your brother, you and Bucky built a life together.

It was always Steve who talked about their future...without him. The sickly boy never expected to live past thirty, and, despite how painful the idea was, neither did they.

Never in a million years did you imagine Bucky going first.

You couldn't hold it anymore. The sobs ripped out, and you sank to the ground by the water. One hand tightly clasped the other, a cold, glinting ring pressing into your skin. A promise, a commitment...now nothing but a memory. The life you talked about, planned so dreamily, even in the face of the war, gone. Destroyed in an instant.

Deep hatred and a desire for vengance reared its head in you. Bucky always said you and Steve were too alike. But the decision already cemented itself in your mind.

When Steve crashed the Valkyrie, no one was left behind. Two days before, you had vanished on a mission in Switzerland - presumed dead. He had nothing, not even Peggy, really, to keep him on Earth.

Little did he know, that the two sweethearts had been reunited. And Hydra would make good use of them both.