(A original Creepypasta Parody from me)
One day I surfed the internet like I always do. The internet is really important to me. Thanks to it I see, read and hear so many incredible things. One day I wanted to see the new update of my absolute favourite webcomic in the world. Homestuck.
I have waited for so incredible long for in. I loved Homestuck and especially the trolls, they are the best. All the other characters are boring and the trolls are really entertaining.
There was an update today so I went on the MSPA site to watch it. But something about it was very strange. The site looked different. The background was black and all the text was in blood-red. Not like Kankri or Dave’s text colour but like real blood. Some of the letters even dripped blood. Also they said things like “you will die soon” or “you will not escape your fate.”
I clicked on the “load” button but I wasn’t directed to the page I saved last time but to a new page. It was a flash game, the starting screen was Karkat's head on a spear. His eyes were full of maggots and blood came out of his mouth and ears. It was very scary looking, I thought, but curiosity got the better of me. I clicked on the command “It is all meaningless.”
The game started with Jade standing in a dark and desolate room. She looked scared and held her best rifle in her hands. I moved her towards the door in the upper right corner where somebody was standing. It was one of the Felt, their third-in-command Crowbar. The mouse turned into a scope sight and Crowbar ran towards Jade as he spotted her. I didn’t waste any time and clicked on him with the scope. Jade shot and I got a close shot of him. He looked almost real, well, as real as a leprechaun could look, and I watched in slow-motion as a super-realistic looking bullet pierced through Crowbars ultra-realistic head and blew his mega-realistic looking head up in a hyper-realistic looking way.
I was concerned. Hussie was nobody to shy away from some violence but this was way too far off for him. Jade took the crowbar from, well, the dead Crowbar and I continued with her into the next room.
The next room was full of blood. The ceiling was covered in blood and it dropped from it, the walls were covered in blood, the ground was covered in blood, the blood reached above Jade’s hip and Jade herself started to bleed out of her nose. It was a bloody mess and I felt a little sick watching it. Why would anyone program something like this of or even commission somebody to do it?
Suddenly Karkat, covered in the red blood, surfaced behind Jade and snapped her neck with his bare hands. This scene disturbed me so much I had to go to the toilet to take a pee.
After I returned Karkat had already stabbed Dirk through the heart with a katana, smashed Clubs Deuce's head in and had ripped Sollux's eyes out and eaten them. Sollux ran through the room shooting a red and a blue bloodstream out of his respective eyes. It was nauseating, especially the part where he took his own ninja stars, and got them to spin so fast with his telekinesis he was able to decapitate himself.
I now had control over Karkat and left the place of his gruesome murders with him. He entered a cave full of shipping charts. This had to be Nepeta’s cave, she was the only person in Homestuck who shipped. I moved Karkat through the cave and looked at the different shipping charts. The ships were… unusual to say the least. There was a picture of Eridan in a Moirallegiance with Bec where the two eat the damaged corpse of Jade Harley. Eridan was munching on one of the eyes and Bec was chewing on Jade’s stomach. It was more than disgusting to watch. I couldn’t comprehend why any of them would do that, especially Bec. It made me so nervous that I had to take a shit. While walking through the house I thought I saw an omega-realistic Kanaya walking into the room of my big sister but that was probably my imagination.
As I returned to Karkat I watched more of the gruesome ships with him. Like Hearts Boxcars and Mituna in a kismesissitude. The picture showed how they bit each other; no, they were mutually tearing bits of flesh from each other's bodies. I knew that a kismesissitude could be a little harsh but this?! I decide to not look at more of those shipping pictures and tried to find Nepeta.
She sat on the ground in her respite block and was playing with some puppets who looked like her friends. It looked cute at first but on closer inspection I saw her monitoring a monitor. It showed Sollux and Horuss and they bled heavily. Nepeta meanwhile poked the dolls who looked like the two trolls on the monitor with a very pointy looking needle. No, she wasn't poking them, she was driving the needle through their bodies, extremities and heads. Every time that happened a new bloody wound appeared on the bodies of Sollux and Horuss. They screamed in pain and puked blood all over the place until they fell down dead.
After that Nepeta faced Karkat. She didn’t have a face anymore. The skin on her face was gone and only an olive mass under it was visible now. Her eyes were still yellow but without a black pupil and she screamed a scream so loud it almost damaged my speakers. Then she lunged at Karkat and one of the most difficult battles I ever had in a videogame started. I won it but I felt as hurt and injured as Karkat at the end of it. I imagined for a second that I had the same wounds as Karkat on my body. But luckily this wasn’t the case because Karkat succumbed to his wounds. The screen faded to black.
The entire scene had me made so frightful I had to take a piss. As I washed my hands afterwards I thought the grinning face of Spades Slick was in the bathroom mirror. As I turned around I saw only a puppet of Lil’ Cal before me that I bought from a guy in a back alley. I shrugged, took the puppet with me and continued to play the game.
I controlled Kanaya now. She was in her hive and its interior design looked strange to me. Like always it was draped with fabrics but they looked horrific this time! They were made out of flesh, bleeding heavily, were strewn with maggots or completely made out of bones. Kanaya herself didn’t look much better. Her own dress was made of human skin and paper where inmates from an insane asylum used to scribble crazy stuff. To be honest I didn’t want to play as her because her weapon was the chainsaw, a classic for psychopathic murderers. But I didn’t have any choice in the matter and moved her out of her hive. The area around her hive looked rotten and dead. The plants were grey and lifeless. In the centre of this lifeless setting was Kanaya’s mother grub Lusus. She looked very alive and well. She smiled as her eyes caught the view of her charge and Kanaya looked towards her. I walked over to the mother grub and pushed the button. Kanaya activated her chainsaw, cut her Lusus open and ripped the Matriorb out of her chest. The Lusus screamed in pain and writhed in agony until it died. Kanaya looked at the matriorb, fascinated, and all of a sudden she took a bite out of it. This behaviour was more than strange for Kanaya.
After that I was controlling her again and send her out into the desert. She soon reached an ordinary looking pyramid and entered it. The inside was dark but many scary looking glyphs that glowed blood-red were lighting up the inside. Nailed to the walls were the bodies of trolls, humans and lusus. It looked so horrific that I thought that I could smell the stench of this awful place. It made me so nervous I had to eat a donut!
Then zombies attacked. Rotten bodies of dead trolls came out of the aisles, alcoves and holes and attacked Kanaya. She turned on her chainsaw and defended herself with incredibly gory results. Body parts fell down, guts and organs soon were rolling over the ground and smearing it with blood in all colours. Kanaya sawed her way through the fiendish horde of the shadow droppers and fought her way to the main room of the pyramid. The boss-room was full with corpses of little human children and grubs. They were being cannibalized by the shadow droppers. I asked myself: Why the heck would Hussie do something like this? “Because dead babies sell”, said a hyper-realistic looking Hussie who was suddenly standing beside me. He waved to me and left the room. This seemed rather odd to me and I continued to play.
In the boss-room was the sarcophagus of Lord English placed on a little obsidian-black platform. Very strange scary music started to play which sounded so realistic as if an orchestra was with me in the room. The sarcophagus slowly started to open, and a green bleeding hand reached out and clamped to the edge of the sarcophagus. Out came a cherub with no skin. It was such a horrible sight that blood came out of my ears. Lord English bled all over, the muscle tissue was visible, his eyes had no lids and his eyes glowed in a way… I can’t explain it exactly but it was worse than the usual billiard ball blinking. The eyes looked like real eyes; also how real eyes would look like if they are continuously changing billiard balls.
The Lord of Time stumbled out of his sarcophagus and fell to the ground. He writhed in pain and screamed in agony. He stretched his hand out to Kanaya who cut it off. The Lord of Time screamed in an unbearably loud manner, so loud that it destroyed all the windows in my room and all the other objects made of glass. Kanaya took her time. She sawed all his limbs off and then started to disembowel him with her bare hands. He screamed even louder this time, so loud I had to press my hands on my ears and I still felt blood coming out of them. The screaming stopped after a while and Lord English was dead. So, was Homestuck over? “It is never over”, Kanaya said as if she was answering the question I just asked myself. “There will always somebody worse. Never time to rest. Why should we believe that he is our final enemy?” This was a good point. Homestuck could be incredible convoluted and complicated and Caliborn didn’t look like Big Bad material even in his all-powerful form. But who could be the next Big Bad? Kanaya targeted then the chainsaw into her direction and cut herself in half. Her halves slumped to the sides and her internal organs spread all over the floor. Then her chainsaw said “I’m the death of the insolent and fanatic.”
After that I ran back to my bathroom to wash my face. Looking into the mirror I saw that I now had the face of Nepeta. I rubbed my eyes and it was gone. But I swear I saw Nepeta with Equius head on one of her claws in the mirror.
I returned to my room only to witness total madness on my computer screen. I saw Rose on a new location, summoning the forces from beyond the realm, the horrorterrors, to wreck havoc. They came from the ground, they came from the seas, they came from the heavens and they came out from rifts in the time-space-continuum. They devoured the Prospitians, they crushed the Dersites, they mauled the humans, scared the trolls to death and burned the Cherubim alive. Not any of the named characters of Homestuck, mind you, but it didn’t diminish the nightmarish character of the scene.
Then it switched over to Eridan, crushing little landweller grubs with his feet. I found this odd because despite his evil deeds, he wasn’t a bad person. Yes, he killed Feferi and Kanaya and destroyed the Matriorb, but he did all of this in self-defence! Seeing how the land dweller-hating aristocrat killed land dwelling grubs didn’t make any sense to me. Then Vriska entered the room and I took control of her. I was able to attack Eridan with her and her goal was to protect the land dwelling grubs. It was strange to see because Vriska was completely evil and unredeemable. Why would any person think she would ever be able to do any good for anyone? This was the moment that I was certain that something was very wrong with this update. “Killing grubs? You sicken me Eridan.” “They are land dwellers. We don’t need them, they are inferior and useless.” “Your caste needs us as workers and servants. Killing us all would obliterate the entire alternian workforce!” “We have robots for that.” “That will only lead to a robot-rebellion you sea dwelling asshole!” “We created the robots. We will control them. They will never rebel.” “You don’t watch a lot of movies, do you?”
Fighting with Vriska against Eridan was a lot of fun, gameplay wise. She dodged shots from “Ahab’s Crosshairs” fired by Eridan and used her dice on him. Every time Vriska’s dice managed to give her an opening she used the chance to slash at Eridan with her sword. After attacking him several times that way he got reeled backwards away from Vriska and stumbled into a hole. He fell onto several sharp spears which where placed on the ground of the hole. But to my horror they didn’t kill him instantly. He moaned and gasped weakly, pleading to be absolved from this pain. Vriska took out a flintlock pistol and aimed at Eridans head but before she could shoot him the spears drove out of the ground. The staffs were incredible long and they moved incredible fast. Vriska was able to dodge them before they could impale her too. She aimed at Eridans head again and took her shot before he was out of distance. The bullet connected to his skull and it exploded in an extreme-realistic manner. I felt pity for Eridan. Vriska’s head should have exploded and not his.
The spider-troll then walked away from the hole and I started to look around. It seemed that Vriska was in the brooding caverns which made sense considering the killed and crushed grubs. As I pressed the action-button Vriska took the dead grubs and gave them a burial. Why did this game want to convince me that Vriska is a good person? Vriska then turned her head to me. No, not the monitor but me, she looked me into my eyes. “Run, you are not safe here! Run as fast as you can and take your family with you. Call the police and maybe he will not be able to…” Vriska stopped as she heard a noise and turned her head toward the cause. Her face became chalk-white from shock and she ran away. The screen turned black.
I of course wouldn’t trust Vriska. She was super-evil after all.
I saw the “repeat” symbol on the left bottom of the screen so I guessed that this page was finished. I clicked on the command that read ”THIS IS YOUR DOOM!” and continued. The next few pages were dark. But it was somehow even darker than usual darkness. It was a darkness that was so dark that it terrified me more than the regular darkness I have known my whole life would ever be able too. I clicked and clicked until I jumped back in horrified surprise as one page showed me the bloody, screaming skinless face of John. He yelled in pain and howled in agony. What the hell happened to him? “Runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunru nrunrunrunrunrun!” John said to me again and again. Was he warning me about something or somebody? Was it the same thing that did this to him? I heard weird noises from below. It sounded like a fight broke out. I wasn’t sure so I decided to investigate. Downstairs I was confronted with Vriska who was in a fight with Spades Slick. He had his cast iron horse hitcher in hands and Vriska used her blue pirate sword to fight him. It seemed to be a very even fight, with both testing the defence of the other. Slick spotted me and looked ominously at me. He drew his machine gun and aimed in my direction but Vriska faced the weapon away from me and she punched him in the face.
“Run away!”, she screamed to me. “Your family fled already. Follow them!” I didn’t do that of course. Why should I trust her? She was evil and not nice unlike Eridan or Gamzee. Also I wanted to finish the game so I got back upstairs and continued it.
Now I saw Dave sitting alone in his room, crying into his hands. He didn't have his shades on him and he cried like… I never saw him cry in canon, so I had no point of reference. It sounded incredibly sad, it almost broke my heart. I clicked on the arrow and the picture didn’t change for a few pages. Crying Dave on every page but I started to hear how he was crying. It was faint at first but became louder and after a few pages another sound joined the crying. It was a very deep, eerie sounding tone. It sounded like a noise of an ancient and angry demon but also surprisingly soft at the same time. It became louder and louder but not in an obnoxious way. The tension was rising and started to become unbearable. Dave stopped crying and the sound stopped too. He removed his hands and looked direct at me. I almost fell over from horror. His eyes were burning in black red and the flames seemed to scream so loud was their sound of burning. I was about to throw up again as Dave took his Katana and hacked his own eyes out with them. Then he continued to hack away his own legs, bottom, head and his arms.
Then Bro came into the room with Caliborn on his right shoulder. He saw the bloody mutilated body of Dave, jumped onto him and started to eat him. He tore big chunks of flesh and skin from Dave’s body and devoured it like a hungry animal. Why the heck had Bro become a cannibal all of a sudden? Then Lil’ Cal started to eat Dave too. It was really messed up, especially because Dave was not reacting at all to this. Then Dave started to laugh in a normal and pleasant manner. It wasn’t in a crazy manner or in an insane manner, no, it sounded perfectly normal and hyper-realistic. Bro eating him was like tickling for Dave?
I couldn’t watch that scene any longer and clicked to the next page. “YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY FROM ME!”, something screamed out of my speakers. “We will see about that asshole”, I responded. The reaction was swift with Lil’ Cal punching me through the screen into my face, grinning at me and vanishing afterwards. I really needed to see the rest of this.
The next page contained another flash, this time one of Jane attacking Cronus, ripping his arms from his body and beating him to a bloody pulp with them. The flash continued with Terezi stabbing her own eyes out and then the eyes of Latula and ripping her head of. Next was a scene with the Peregrine Mendicant who was stabbing the Writ Keeper with her sword. After she ripped his brain out and devoured it she took the still living body of the Writ Keeper and threw him into a fire. He screamed more agonizing, super-realistic screams and he screamed to me: “RUN, RUN, RUN!”
I didn’t know what to do with that message so I continued to watch. The next scene was one where Jake was burning down an orphanage while Roxy was shooting the orphans in the head or strangling them to death. I was glad that those sections weren’t playable sections.
Then we saw John crushing the heads of Dersites and Prosportians with his hammer, their heads exploding in a ultra-realistic manner. He laughed manically while crying in a heart wrenching manner at the same time while he was running amok. His eyes were black holes out of which came a foul wind in form of dark smelly looking wind-effects. Everything that wind was brushing rotted and died in a manner of seconds, even stuff that wasn’t alive like stone and plastic looked like it was dying.
I heard a noise and looked behind me. I saw Eridan who aimed at me with Ahab’s crosshairs. I screamed that he shouldn’t do that but he did. He fired and hit my head which exploded in an ultra-realistic manner. After that I woke up and my head was completely okay. I looked around in my room, nobody was there. I looked to the screen and I almost fell down out of my seat. I saw my own body without a head! Was I in Homestuck now? Was I part of Homestuck? How could that be? Was all of this a nightmare? Was I asleep?
I didn't have time to ponder these questions because suddenly Tavros appeared on the screen with a really scary looking hyper-realistic face. His left eye was missing, his right was pierced with one thousand needles and his teeth were full of holes and out of those holes came big hairy worms. “Help me…”, he gasped in a painful noise. I looked at him, horrified. I wanted to help, but how? I saw that the command box was there again and usable like once in the past. I typed “get help” into the box. Tavros took out a magnum, held the barrel to his head and blew his own brains out. I hadn’t meant that he should do that. I typed “Why did this happen?” And on the next page it replied. This was the message written in letters made out of freshly ripped out bones: “Because you made it happen. IT IS YOUR FAULT!” NO! How could it be my fault? I didn’t know that would happen, I would never have typed that command if I knew that this would be the result.
I tried a different command. I typed “What is happening here”? I got the message “The eternal end, the eternal reign of darkness is coming!” I typed “do you mean Lord English?” I didn’t got a response for a while. I was tempted to type in another command as THIS happened: Sollux suddenly appeared and jumped out of my screen and into my direction and screamed: “DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE YOU STUPID PIECE OF WORTHLESS SHIT, DIE!” Sollux tried to strangle me and I fought back with all my might. He tried to claw my eyes out and I saw how his eyes started to glow. I was able to throw him off me before he could incinerate me with his optic blast. It got off nonetheless and catapulted Sollux through the roof of my house.
This made me very hungry so I ran into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. I also encountered John’s dad in the Kitchen who was making a cake out of organs he pulled out of the still living body of his son. I made my sandwich as quick as I possibly could and ran away from the morbid scene back to my computer. My screen showed me now a single letter. “A”. This was a clue! A clue to solve this riddle! I had to wait for more updates to solve those strange events around me.
I will update this journal should new developments happen. I will stay here and try to go to the bottom of this mystery. Nothing will stop me. It seems crazy but I’m set with my decision. Even if that evil Vriska shouts to me again and again that I should flee. I will not. I’m scared but I have to stop this madness.
To be continued…?
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In any city, in any country, you can go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. Then ask the receptionist about the Holder of Homestuck. She will believe you instantly and lead you to the next cinema theatre that shows a romcom. Here you will meet a troll. He will be angry if you speak to him, but don’t worry, he is harmless. Cuddle him if you want, he will not get violent even if he says differently. He may even like it, but don’t overdo it, you could get into trouble with his blind friend or his fashion-conscious friend with the chainsaw. You have to ask him “Where are your friends?" He will lead you out of the cinema and to a circus. The angry young troll will leave you at the entrance and you will enter it alone and see the usual stuff. Tamers with lions and leopards, a bear that drives a little car and an acrobatics team that does great stunts on the ground. On the rope way above the ground is another troll, dressed as a clown. He will be riding a unicycle, juggling clubs and will come across as somewhat stoned. You have to give him some of the pies of green slime and a bottle of Faygo, both stored in a refrigerator nearby. If you ask him for the way without them, he will gently ask for the pie and the Faygo. If you are dumb enough to wait for several days and not do anything he will go crazy and club you to death. But maybe you find your next destination yourself in that time. In any case, if you give him what he requested he will thank you “MOtHeRfUcKeR” and lead you to a big castle. On the way you will see a few normal humans. One with big glasses, another one with two big needles in her hands, another dude with Katana who tries to be cool looking to a ridiculous degree and a young girl with glasses with a Plasma Cannon. They look like they do something really important and it is probably the case but you will be much more interested in any of the trolls. Don’t say you’re interested more in the humans than the trolls, don’t lie to me or yourself. Anyway: You will reach the castle and access it alone. You have to search it, and will eventually find the living chambers. If you accidentally walk through the gate that leads to the gigantic spider, don’t worry, she doesn’t eat humans. You will reach the respiteblock of the mistress of the castle. She is a teenager with wild, long and full hair, one of her eyes has seven small pupils and she has a very dangerous aura around her. You have to ask her “Are you a pirate?“ She will answer “Yo, ho, fiddle dee dee, I don’t want to sing that stupid song only because I am one. Here, take this and go to Kanaya. She will get your too your next destination.“ The young pirate will give you a dress, a really beautiful one. Also a flintlock pistol. If you ask what you need the second one for, the young castle mistress will only smirk and say cryptically: “Try to figure it out yourself dumbass. Seriously, it will not be that hard or dangerous.“ Well, maybe not very cryptically. But she will lead you into the direction towards your next target. You will reach two white towers, one smaller than the other, with giant pieces of fabric bound to them, very colourful ones at that. It will be a beautiful day and you will see that the hive is surrounded by plants, grass and a garden. A very friendly looking big headed white insect creature will fly around the hive. It will wave at you and let you pass and not harass you as long you don’t threaten or attack her charge. The interior is very neat and clean, stylish and colourful. It has a very inviting character. You will meet a young, graceful looking troll lady in the living room. She will greet you friendly and calmly and askyou what your desire is. You have to say “I desire to control the creativity and path of your World.” The young troll with fashion sense will answer: “Of course. But are you aware of the consequences?“ You have to say “yes”. “Maybe, maybe not. Deciding the path of our world can be very dangerous. But the danger comes not from us.“ You have to say “I will take my chances.“ The Troll will take one of her captchalogue cards, wrapped in chains hold together by a lock. “You will find the key eventually.“ After this, her lusus will carry you towards your next destination, a big city with many skyscrapers. You have to enter the skyscrapers the lusus will drop you before and you have to check all the doors in it until you find one that is open. In it you will find another young troll who wears glasses, the left lens in blue, the right in red. “Hey, asshole”, he will greet you. “Do you want some mind honey?“ Take the honey and bite chunk of it. Swallow it, it’s harmless for you, as far as you don’t have psychic powers. If you do, search for a way to waste the gigantic increase of psychic powers in a safe way for you and your surroundings. In any other case you will open a telepathic connection to a young troll in a wheelchair. He looks pretty harmless, despite his big horns. You will know what he looks like thanks to the telepathic connection. “Hi”, he will say. “Uhm... Do you have interest in... Uhm... Do you really want to be the Holder of Homestuck?” If you say yes the troll will say, “Oh... Okay. I will... Will help you get there.” You have to disconnect the psychic link or you will have to converse with the troll. Something that isn’t bad, if you think you find him likable. Anyway, after you disconnect, a giant bird will wait for you on the roof of the skyscraper. Climb on his back and it will take off. It will fly to too a little house in the middle of the fields. Dismount the bird and go to the house. A ram will stand in the entrance blocking your way. She will snort menacingly at you. You have to say “I mean no harm. I have to talk with the Maid of Time.” The ram will call for her charge and another young troll Lady will appear. She will be dressed in a red hooded body-Cloak and smiling at you in a very friendly way. “You want to hold Homestuck? That may sound cool but it can also bring a lot of pain. Are you still sure about that?“ If you say no, she will you bring back to your world, where you can do your usual stuff again. But if you say yes, she will spread her wings, hover in the air and take you with her with using her telekinesis. Don’t worry, she will not harm you. She will teleport you too another habitation.
This one is on a cliff, above the home of the Spider-troll. You may think this makes your other stops a big detour but you have to go on now. Enter the hive. Many robots are standing around and robot parts litter the room, some of them heavily damaged. In the middle of the room stands a pretty muscular troll. He wears sunglasses and his teeth seem to be badly damaged. “Homestuck is heavy even for me“, he will say. “I wouldn’t dare to carry it. Will you?“ If you say no he will you show the way out and your Quest is over. If you say yes then he will grab you, go out and throw you with all his might towards the horizon. You will fly with incredible speed through the air. You may piss your pants, but don’t, because you have to go to the angry troll or the one with the fashion sense to get new ones. You will fly towards the water and will be rescued at the last second by a seadweller. But not any seadweller, this one is the Heiress. She will jump from the sea and snatch you softly in the air. “Are you all right?”, she will ask. You will probably nod and she will react with “GREAT! Time to get you something to eat.“ She will swim you to the next restaurant at the shore. “I recommend the salad with tofu.“ If you take another menu she will stare at you with disappointment until you alter your order to the recommendation of the Heiress. You get your meal soon after. “Bon Appetit,” the seadweller will wish you. Eat your meal, take your time and have a discussion with the nice sea-dwelling lady. “You will reach your target soon. Don’t give up and you will hold Homestuck in your hands. It may be hard but you will figure it out fast.“ After your meal she will lead you towards the next troll. She will let you ride on her back and she will swim faster than every known maritime form of life you have ever seen. She will transport you to a little isle in the ocean with a shipwreck on it. “Go now. Don’t worry, the resident of the shipwreck has my orders not to attack you or do other bad things to you.” You should say thank you to her before you go. She will not kill you or anything like that but it would be very impolite if you don't do it. You will enter the shipwreck and meet the owner in his respite block. It is a young aristocratic seadweller who looks like a troll version of Harry Potter, even if he asserts that magic doesn’t exist. “Ah, wwelcome to my crib”, the sea-dweller will greet you. “Wwhat do you wwant?“ Explain that you wan((??? ? ???? I think something's missing here?)) “Are you sure? The glory is great but the blame can be evven greater. Every bit of pirating I evver did was less dangerous in comparison. Also being in blackrom with the Spider. Seriously!“ If you want to go, then go now. Otherwise say that you are sure about your goal. “Vvery wwell then. Let me show you the way.“ The young seadweller will lead you to his firing range. There you have to use the flintlock pistol the cerulean-blood gave you. Aim for the target that looks like the troll with the red and blue eye. Shoot him into the head and a secret hatch will open. In it is a black orb with troll horns all over it, looking like spikes. “Protect it as well as you can, Human“, the seadweller will ask you with surprising kindness. “Be good to it. Better than I ever was.“ The seadweller will bring you to his ship and sail towards your next destination. He will bring you to the shore and say: “You have to find the one who is blind. Her hive is in a tree.“ You have to go inland now. You should admire the wild beauty of this place while doing so. It is a fantastic world full of danger and adventure. But you don’t have time for any other adventure than this at the moment. Well, you should have, exploration of the planet would be dangerous without preparation. Soon you will reach a beautiful forest. The harsh sun will gleam through the purple leaves of the blue trunks. Don’t be fooled, like everything on Alternia, this place is dangerous. But not for you, you have other concerns. You will arrive at a one of the biggest trees in the forest. On it are grey hive structures from which are several little plushies that look like dragons hang from the hive, their necks in nooses. It could come across as a little disturbing, but don’t worry. The resident of this tree doesn’t hurt the innocent. Are you innocent? In the sense that you didn’t murder people brutally or commit some other kind of serious crime. If you are, proceed. There is a chair with rope connected with a winch that will you bring to the living area of the tree. Inside the living area you will meet another troll with red sunglasses. She looks very confident and her grin will make you nervous. Stay confident, you goal is in reach. “Hehehehehehe! You are searching for the Holder of Homestuck? Good, it was about time somebody would take this task into his or her hands. This situation needs a resolution but the consequences could be gigantic. But can you conquer this trial? This ultimate quest? You could die horribly. I mean I read some of those other “Holder” stories. They are pretty violent, sometimes too an absurd degree.” You have to say the following: “Whatever, I want Homestuck, everybody wants to hold Homestuck.” “You mean us trolls, right?” “Ehm... Maybe?“ “Either us or the Midnight Crew. Well most of you would probably take both.“ “The other characters have also fans.” “Probably, but these people are not the breakouts. Or did you do all of this because you desperately wanted to hold Jake English?” Whatever you do, shaking your head is the best answer. The others will not end in sudden death for you but Terezi will look disappointed at you should you nod yes to that Question. “Go, then. Go and claim it for yourself.“ The blind girl will lead you into another very long corridor, one that is longer than her house could possibly be. “Take my hand, it will get very dark soon.“ Do what she says. Otherwise you will get lost and run into walls for hours. After a while you will hear her open a door. Light will fall in and you see the door and a room behind it. It is a room with a pool table in the middle at which four men play pool. They are Dersites and look like old-style Mafiosi. You have to say, loud and clearly: “Bring me to the holder of Homestuck.“ The leader of the four will consider stabbing you and draws his kniefe, but the guy who looks like the most reasonable will stop him and lead you into the next room. There stands the Holder of Homestuck. He's a man in a green shirt with white eyes and the walls of his room are full of pictures of that pirate loving troll. “So, you really want Homestuck? You have to take it from my cold dead hands!” Don’t worry, he will not attack you with deadly intent. He will attack you through launching a weird looking puppet at you. A very creepy looking orange puppet wearing a blue t-shirt with a very creepy face that resembles a happier version of the puppet from the movie “Saw“. You will probably trying to destroy it with all your might and succeed at it. “Why did you do that?”, the man will ask. You will probably say: “This puppet was alive and up to no good. A blind person could see that.“ “Fair enough. Give me the Matriorb please.” Do that and he will show you a key. “Here, have it.” He will give you the key and shove you out of the door and you will find yourself at the place where you live at the moment. Use the key to unlock the sylladex card that the one troll lady gave you and you will discover the green house, the symbol of Homestuck in it. You have with it total and absolute control over Homestuck. You can now write and draw the story in any way you want. Any ship you want to happen will happen, every character will become important or unimportant on a whim if you like and everyone of your favourite and not-so-favourite Characters will live or die if you wish so. But be careful, you also have to endure the Homestuck fandom. And that is no fun prospect for the ones who don’t have nerves of steel. This item is number 413 of 2538. They are allowed to come together because the trolls may stop the end of the world as we know it. And that would be fine.