Personal - Blog Posts
Was excited. Am a nerd
Fun History Fact:
If you just got excited, you’re a nerd.
So annoying, this is so annoying to live in a country, which aggressed to another one, two years ago, and gradually tries to block outside world since. Even through the social media, one by one, making it hard to reach. Okay, got used to use vpn for xitter and Instagram. Recently YouTube, now Discord. Church gains power as well, lol. Medieval. Yes, it's a minor problem, but all together, layering one to one, it becomes frustrating
I want to live in a happy open place, drawing fanarts and my silly little gays 😭
When I’m in the shower:
mmmmMMmm. That’s some fine quality singin’ right there 👌👌👌👌👌MMMmm... I could be a professional.
In the real world:
WhaAT IS THIS UNHOLy SCREECHING??
yes i’ve already given up on inktober this year what about it
*Trigger Warnings: Descriptions of harassment, panic attacks, PTSD symptoms, anxiety, threats of physical violence. Mentions of trauma, abuse, bipolar depression, PTSD, anxiety, coping, self deprecating thoughts, dark humor.* Sunday, May 28th, 2023
12:06pm
This is the letter that I wrote to my older (half) sister, before the texts in Part 1 the next day.
Here’s what I said to her:
“Hey Angel… I think it’s time we talk about the distance that we both have experiencing. Honestly, I don’t even know how the distance started, but it’s something that I fell into and followed. I would like to talk when you’re ready because it’s necessary that we do. That we talk about everything for as long as we both need, and that we come into this conversation ready and willing to hear each other out. Just let me know.”
“I was in such a dark place when this all started. I think after looking back on it, that I never took the time to properly explain what happened, what’s been happening…
As you know, I’ve had such an extensive amount of trauma, especially from my supposed father-figures. It was September… I was on a shuttle, trying to get to my rehearsal for dance on a Sunday afternoon. I stepped onto the shuttle, wearing my headphones, listening to the same playlist that I do before I dance. It’s my… ritual, the thing that grounds me, calms me, but also, psyches me up to go. And, that’s the paradoxical thing about having anxiety as well as bipolar depression; you have to calm yourself down in order to build yourself up to feel excited.
In that process, I missed the driver telling everyone to not get on if they were not going to the next stop, which would unfold in our confrontation.
I got on the bus, and when we arrived at the next stop, I didn’t get off the bus, which was odd, but not too unusual… until I noticed the yelling. I took out my earbuds to hear the driver yelling, and it took me a second to realize that he was yelling at me. He was trying to force me off the bus because I apparently wasn’t supposed to be on otherwise.
I was confused, and shocked, and frightened, but I found the courage to ask why. I didn’t know at the time that he had said that he would swing back around to get the people going to main campus. I got frustrated with how he was acting, because we would get there eventually ‘cause the route is continuous, as all bus routes are, but he kept getting more aggressive as he was trying to force me off. His reasoning was, “because he said so”, instead of any semblance of reason. It reached the point where other students were getting on to return home, and that spurred him to park the bus, say that he wasn’t moving until I got off, and threatened to call the police or physically removing me himself. I was panicked, so I did what my mind told me to do in the moment. I made my way off, asked for his name, which was like pulling teeth, and tried to call the office to make a complaint. He drove away, I was officially late to rehearsal, and then, I realized that I had no idea where I was.
My anxiety was building exponentially as I called the transportation office 3 times with no response before I realized there wasn’t going to be, because they are closed on the weekends. I then tried calling all my friends, with cars, to see if they could pick me up to no avail. Then, I had my first panic attack on the curb of a parking lot in an unfamiliar place, while people walked by with odd stares and no concern for me. Then, I tried calling all and any family I could, my mom, you, Camille, and Auntie Roz and Auntie Julie, but no one answered.
Cue my second panic attack.
A friend called me back, I explained the situation, but they couldn’t come get me. So, I made the decision to call an Uber with the last $11 I had. On the drive, my mom called to see what was going on. She responded to the story by saying “Get over it”. Not understanding how triggering it was for me, or caring for how upset or shaken I was. I got out of the Uber, had my third panic attack in 40 minutes, and after, I noticed the time.
Rehearsal was over, and I cried.
I called my professor to apologize and after I explained what happened, he Venmo’d me for the Uber, but that’s where the resolution of the incident stopped. I did end up filing a complaint, and they took my side, but didn’t act on any of the solutions I asked for. After that, well, I spiraled.
Part 1 -- Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7
Drawing my insecurities
Me: Ugh, why is dating so difficult? I guess the dating pool where I live is bad :(
Also me, attempting to flirt: How's your day been? :) Did you know that trees pump nutrients into nearby stumps in an effort to keep them alive, resulting in stumps that survive for years entirely on the support of the tree community around them? I like how the trees can sense through their shared root system that their neighbor has been felled, and instead of taking advantage of the new lack of competition, they use their own nutrients to support their now-cut brethren. It's an act of innate, selfless community love from an organism that you'd think is incapable of such a thing, and, in a sense, it's a form of grief, because those surrounding trees won't be able to keep the stump alive forever, and yet they try to keep it alive for as long as possible anyways. It's both touching and a bit disturbing, the sense that trees are trying to hold off the death in their community for as long as possible, almost like they're unable to come to terms with it initially. It seems as though the themes of loss and grief transcend even animal life and have a presence in everything in the world around us. What're your thoughts on that? :D
(As it turns out, turning cool science facts into an analysis of literary themes doesn't make for a good pickup line. Who would've thought?)
Wanted to add rq:
Y'all can have any HC for the song Shōta requested. The one I will say I listened to while I drew it was "Mr. Blue Sky" by Electric Light Orchestra. I named the file "Hey You With The Pretty Face" cuz of that.
I'll also be doing the extra aftermath after the event is over because I have to do some extra work this week and I still want time to do the last prompt!
When I finish all of my writing assignments I'm gonna yell into the void about my HCs but starting with Hizashi's eyes. I usually don't talk about it much but I'll tease it a bit:
For most of his life, he's worn green contacts or just not shown his eyes very much. He's both insecure about his red eyes and also afraid he'll scare someone. To hell that red eyes are a feature many people around him have, he's afraid he's scary to people.
This rotates in my mind a lot so that's why he has two different eye colors in certain drawings. Especially with Mic vs Hizashi. Mic usually has the green and Hizashi has the red. It ties into other things too but I can't go on a deep dive ramble or I'll never get my work done.
Hey if anything like art or random posts slow down in the coming days: I'm going back to college for this new semester!
If y'all send/sent me asks I'll get to them when I can, I'm currently trying to situate myself where I can actually do more this semester since it is the last one before my senior year. I'm also not doing too great regarding uhh all the shit happening in the world and especially in my own country (partially talked about it in November, I don't want to talk about it again) so I'll try to again post and respond when I can!
I do have plans for at least Valentine's Day so I hope to get that out if I can. Anyway, I hope I'll be better at posting and also be able to still post a lot when it comes to what the semester lets me do!
Tryna finish something before my time gets partially eaten up by college again. I go back next Tuesday 😭
Y'all I'm so tired. I start classes next week again. If you guys want to send anything in the ask box, go for it! I'll take anything as long as it's not NSFW because I don't tend to answer those.
I am so sorry in advance to anyone who potentially has notifs on for me if any of yall do I'm about to spam the shit outta you.
If any of y'all have any questions, HCs, drawing requests, random stuff you want to send, feel free to do so! My ask box is always open and there's really no limit other than NSFW questions/comments/requests because I don't really tend to draw them or think about that very much.
Even a hello is totally fine. I know I don't post here very much (Twitter is where I'm posting mostly rn) but y'know don't be a stranger! I love interacting with people even when I'm shy as hell at commenting or reblogging.
Btw the HCs, questions and other stuff can extend further than EraserMic or other ships I enjoy/dynamics I tend to draw or bring up ideas about.
I hope y'all are ready to see fits! I'm so fucking excited I do wish I could've finished the actual piece attached to them (and also the bonus piece I was doing with it) but it's okay! I'm just happy I got something for the last day of 2024.
I love these damn things way more than I should and I hope y'all will enjoy them too.
Also fun thing I teased on Twitter: this piece and the concepts I'm gonna post today have my variation of Oboro if he lived the building collapsing! So we get some Oboro today to end off the year!
So the Vigilantes anime teaser dropped... I may have lost my mind on Twitter mb. ANYWAY who wants some Midnight and Shinshima (Shinsō x Kirishima) because they are currently occupying my brainspace? I would do Emic and Oboro but they occupy a small space in my brain rn and idk when they'll fully be in that area again 😅
Finals are officially over for me. I turned in my last paper yesterday now time to put back on the clown shoes and make goofy shit mixed with angst
I talked about this on Twitter but art is gonna be a bit slow for a bit because I have a lot of shit I have to finish for my classes and unfortunately, I didn't space out my time correctly (my own fault btw) but like I really have to get all of these done within like the next two weeks.
I'll still probably have art afterward because if I don't draw I'll probably die of insanity from not drawing things I want to draw but I won't post them right away. After finals n stuff I'll be back to posting goofy shit but rn I have to be an adult more than I usually am.
I'll make a proper post about it later but I'm changing my pfp across all platforms so it can be the same. Still the same sona just uh. Just less spooky and more cold
I hope y'all know I'm not uh changing my main fandom rn. I might return to TOH at some point but I'm still heavily stuck in MHA/BNHA like this anime/manga series consumes me. There's no way I can hop back and forth rn. I tried, that's how I got fully sucked into MHA again like I did in 8th grade around July.
They are right, the fandom you had when you were 13 does come back to haunt you. Cuz I'm 20 now and MHA is what came back to haunt me /pos
I posted a thread to Twitter about dadmic and Shinsō bonding after he gets his artificial vocal cords and I'm hoping to cross post it over here. That thing is so so long it's at least 19 posts long. Y'all I yapped.
Only when I post something that ends up getting seen by a lot of people do I realize that:
A. I apparently cannot do grammar/spelling for the life of me
And
B. I forgot an entire portion of what I was writing because I pressed post instead of save.
Needless to say, god I love hyper analyzing things and I'm glad y'all like it too even if it's angsty as fuck.
Yo I accept trick or treating on this blog's inbox!! Don't hesitate to come and send a trick or treat!