Phoseo Thoughts - Blog Posts

Honestly, I wish more people talked about me when im not around and also never tell me when they do so. I like the idea that im on someone's mind enough that they will bring me up outside of my knowledge.

Like, wow, I mean that much to you, even if its negative? <3

Moar Elden Ring

I explored some Mt. Gelmir and the Volcano Manor today, joined the Recusants, did some bad things to decent people.

Did a few dungeons in Gelmir/Altus Plateau, and I joined the Mohgwyn Dynasty, gotta be real, I would fuck Varré. He basically says "i like the way you scream" while inducting you into the Dynasty, which is really hot tbh.

I'm experimenting with my build again, hard shift into katanas and bleed, which is a pretty fun playstyle.

Maybe Nokstella next time...

Just had some thoughts on soulsborne games and specifically the fanbase:

I think its fine to do things like "no hit/summon/magic/whatever" runs. They're pretty impressive things and it does take skill and effort to do so.

But.

There is not a "pure" or "superior" way to play these games. If it is a feature or mechanic within the game, it is a fair play as long as the boss dies. And its fine to not want to use those things in pursuit of being challenged and feeling fulfilled. What *isn't* fine is policing how other people play the game because it ruins a mythical image of souls games as exceptionally difficult or brutal.

It's really *really* easy to say a souls game is the hardest game ever when you're doing everything in your power to make it harder for yourself.

There is a lot I like about the other players in souls games, the messages I read as I travel through these worlds are usually witty or fun, and it goes a long way to making it feel like I'm having a shared experience with the broader playerbase. What I don't like is the imposition of specific playstyles as a purity test for worthiness. I can kinda get it for PvP because at that point its meta-gaming, but for PvE content? Stuff people are doing against the enemies of the game? Literally no one's problem but the player doing the fighting.

A win is a win is a win.

So I've finally entered the Altus Plateau, by way of the Ruin-Strewn Precipice. The BGM for this area is quite nice, I must say.

I also cleared the Divine Towers of Liurnia and Caelid, the Godskin bosses there were pretty fun (ty St. Trina Sword). I did some other miscellaneous dungeons im Altus as well, mostly on the southern portion.

It was really, really fun going through the dual Tree Sentinel fight to get into the Capital Outskirts, felt like I've made real progress since fighting the one in Limgrave. Also went and got the smithing stone bell 2, so that's terribly convenient.

Oh! I also finished up the rest of Nokron, including the Valiant Gargoyle duo boss, only grabbed the first grace in the Deeproot Depths though.

I've entered Nokstella, journeying with mini-Ranni (best girl), so I suspect when next I play I'll head through there, can't say I'm thrilled to go into the Lake of Rot though.

So I ended up defeating Radahn, O'Neil, and the Mimic Tear, today. I love the look of Nokron and the underground woods, that starry cavern sky is beautiful.

I've still more to do in Nokron, need to beat the Regal Ancestor Spirit, the Red Wolf in the field nearby, and I stumbled into the Valiant Gargoyle boss room, not knowing what it was, and lost 24k runes there. One of the gargoyles died, but the second one got me while it was below half health. I considered going back, but I didnt really feel like getting into a death cycle, and its not that many runes really.

I suppose I also need to go back and run through Redmane Castle properly as well.

Radahn is a pretty scary boss, I spent the entirety of my three attempts at him on horseback summoning allies and jumping in with some slashes when it looked like there was an opening, that arena is fucking massive though, I traveled the whole circumference and it took a *while*.

Also, why's Blaidd in the Evergaol now? Lady Ranni, explain.

Going to try to beat Radahn tonight, but i want to respec some of my stats to be more precise, its a little all over the place currently and I want to be able to use Radahn's greatswords after the fight.

Im kind of considering fighting Commander O'Neil beforehand though, with the arrow cheese method

damn... am i really so afraid of commitment that I can't even read a fanfic over 100k words anymore for fear ill spend all my time reading it rather than doing productive things?

I used to just, not sleep or do other things and just read fic all day, so why guilt, why you here

Didnt make a post earlier because I didnt stop playing until 2am lol.

So I've played some more Elden Ring, cleared the wooded area of the Siofra River, killed all the enemies got the Ancestor Spirit and the Dragonkin Soldier done in one go, later on I died to the Crucible Knight over on the isolated platform. Worst. Enemy. Ever.

Also explored like, half of Caelid? Went through Sellia and the surrounding cliffs, explored almost all of the western side of Caelid. I even visited Redmane Castle, though I did not fight Radahn yet. I also didn't fight the rotted dragon, I think I would die very fast, I see a big health bar.

I had a small excursion into Greyoll's Dragonbarrow, grabbed the map, visited the isolated merchant, and tried to scale the Divine Tower (i want the greatsword at the bottom) but I couldn't figure it out.

Still a basic bitch using Bloodhound's Fang for almost every encounter, but I found it on my own without a guide and I could care less what soulsborne purists think.

I think I'm going to take another small break from playing as well. Love this game, though.

I am not even old but I still default to typing "email" as "e-mail".

I don't know why, but that's just how my brain is wired. Strange...

So I've now cleared the rest of Caria Manor and the surrounding lands. The Red Wolf is much more difficult on a field compared to inside a Debate Hall. I've also entered Lady Ranni's service and have now descended down the Siofra Well to meet with Blaidd.

Additionally, I have tried to craft my own "Elden Bling" as it were while still trying to keep my gearset balanced:

Bandit Mask

High Page Clothes

Banished Knight Gauntlets

Banished Knight Greaves

The weapons I change frequently

I really really don't like "give us an interesting fact(s) about yourself!! :D" icebreakers in any situation. I am boring, my interests are not marketable, why should I need to share info about myself for this college class?? It's already online, I dont intend to talk to any of these people.

Its all so dumb...

Had another long Elden Ring session today, so here's my progress:

1. Explored a bunch of new places in Liurnia, mostly on the eastern side.

2. Cleared a few Liurnia dungeons.

3. Started experimenting with some new weapons for fun.

4. Went down into the Ainsel River, via the lift, and killed the Withered Astel and the Dragonkin Soldier of Nokstella.

5. Now trying to breach Caria Manor, to meet the best girl.

I'm really not a fan of the giant ants, they freak me out but at least theyre easy to bait. I think the only enemy I died to was the Deathbird to the East of Raya Lucaria? Almost all of my deaths today were to falling in the Raya Lucaria Crystal Tunnel while I tried to do the little parkour section, most of those deaths coming as I desperately tried to retrieve thousands of stranded runes over and over again.

I think Liurnia might be my favorite of the two between it and Limgrave? Though that is a very small pool so we will see if it changes going forward.

How refreshing it is to talk to people who share my interests and my desire to engage in deep conversation.

Friends and a social life really ought to be up there with other human needs like food, water, and shelter. It only feels like a half-life, cursed and forsaken, when going without.

Kinda wish i had unlimited bread sticks right now

Feeling very bored and aimless, nothing seems like it would be fun, even the things that do.

Ive been pretty much using all of my free time to play Elden Ring for a week now. Haven't even read (or done writing for) fanfic. It's so much fun.

I just went back and killed the Grafted Scion and wow those swords are cool, excited to use em.

Really though... I should be writing...

Honestly, runebears, at least the ones in Limgrave, aren't all that tough once you understand how they work. I hit em when theyre not moving and dodge when they start lifting their paws, haven't died to one yet. Even when that fucker Patches teleported me to the Mistwood, l just crouched and walked between bushes until I was out of the woods.

You ever spend a few years trying to mould yourself to suit someone else and what they like but it doesn't work? And then you get out of that, because its obviously unhealthy, but then youre stuck not knowing who you are or what you like, romantically, so you just sort of flounder. Then you dont meet people ever or know how to meet people, so its less like digging a hole deeper and more like standing in quicksand. When your only standard becomes "someone who likes me" because you've already experienced being with someone who didn't and learned not much else.

Found this cool notepad on my grandmother's basement fridge yesterday during Easter. There's a sort of indescribable humor to it

Guilt sucks, honestly. I hate feeling guilty, especially over nothing. It's not a guilt of "oh I did this thing and that was wrong of me :(" its the guilt of "I feel this way and I feel like I shouldn't". It's a guilt of imagined transgression and I really wish it would stop. Though I cannot tell which way I would prefer more, the guilt to recede and finding satisfaction with my feelings, or my feelings coming to align with the manner I imagine they should, thus eliminating the guilt.

I don't often like sharing feelings like this, in fact venting or exposing my emotions just makes me feel guilty for taking up other people's times or thoughts with my nonsense, but it was a thought looping my mind over and over enough that it required a post.

Just thinking about how pretty the horizon is, especially when the sun is either rising or setting. Something beautiful about the world getting bathed in orange but only briefly. Also just the broader concept of the horizon is alluring, a sight ahead of you that you can never catch up with. By the time you get there the sight has changed and the space around you has changed as well. There's probably a metaphor in there.

Watching some of the X-Files that came on late-night TV, this show is so fucking good what the hell. Like the writing, the acting, the storytelling; it's all so good. Maybe I'm just elevating the past, but it really feels like a whole different world of TV.

You ever have a thought you want to share but you can't remember the thought so you ponder and wonder and imagine what it could be and it slips away from you? And it feels like a loss but with no found so you're just left thinking what could have been? It's not a gap in my mind or memory, it's just inverted, hyper aware of the space it is in but entirely excluded from knowing what's inside. So very tired

I like that NieR Automata has a secret difficulty setting to adjust that the game doesn't really tell you is a difficulty setting. And that's the companion aggressiveness thing. I like playing without the helper character because it means I have to 1. Learn more about enemy combos and behavior and 2. Feel like normal difficulty is more difficult without massively changing an aspect of the game like the jump from normal to hard.

Also just as a side note: man, I really appreciate the opening moments of the boss fight in the desert city on the second playthrough, hits really hard.

I definitely feel like worm, and the fanfics, are at their best when it's "worm the dark superhero story" and not "worm the superhero sci fi story".

Just sort of weakens the setting and world? And I hate how much of a sword of damocles Scion is for so many fics because if you don't change enough about the setting to where Gold Morning doesn't happen, then the plot might have to go there and that doesn't feel like it works for every fic. I admire a fic who states outright in the tags or authors notes that "Hey, Scion just fucked off to be depressed about his alien girlfriend, this story won't have a gold morning" because it lessens that narrative weight that works for canon worm, but not the plot of every fanfic.

Some of my favorite wormfics (Shamus, Postdiluvian Road) are concentrated cape stories about what being a small-time player in the world actually looks like.

Canon Worm is great for what it is, and it also has a narrow focus and pathway of escalation that I love, but I don't think the majority of fics need to follow in the footsteps of.

Haven't read Ward but every mention of stuff from Ward that I see in the wiki (Firmament, Shardspace, Titans, etc) makes me groan.

huge worm spoilers below the cut

honestly, despite the fact that it was baked into the story from the very beginning, i genuinely feel like worm and fanfiction thereof is served well by kind of ignoring the whole source behind the powers.

like obviously the Entities’ goals drive a lot of the conflict (both a storytelling term and literal fights) but frankly i feel like worm is best when it’s about the people living in a world that just kinda fuckin sucks.

‘what if everything was worse and also people had superpowers and do very human things with them’ is way better than the whole interdimensional space whales that have inserted a thing into a bunch of peoples brains that gives them superpowers but also makes them want to fight so that they can explode everything

and don’t get me started on everything in fucking ward