the marauders are at a party.
sirius: *shit-faced drunk, dancing horribly on a table.*
remus: *sighing* love is blind.
james: *also shit-faced drunk, singing horribly on a makeshift stage.*
regulus: *facepalming* love is also deaf…tone-deaf.
*at james and regulus’ wedding*
everyone: aw, look at sirius, he’s gone to the back, he’s probably crying.
sirius: *dancing his little heart out because he no longer has to deal with james’ snoring or regulus’ 3 am epiphanies.*
the marauders (and their incorrect quotes writer) are very engrossed in the depp heard trial.
everyone here is team depp! (you might wanna check on snivvy though, he might be team heard. but hey! you didn’t hear it from us!)
regulus: care to explain what happened pour moi?
james: uh- oui oui, so i had a little too much café on an empty túmmy, so i had a - how do you say - panique attaque.
the marauders as the types of people you’d see on eid day! (eid at the prongs household)
wakes everyone up at 6am bc family is coming over: james.
is having the time of their life cooking in the kitchen or making all kinds of desserts: peter
spends HOURS getting ready, so they have to be woken up extra early: sirius and marlene.
gets dragged by their feet to go to eid prayers: sirius
“give me the fucking money” : remus and regulus.
hands out money in cute little envelopes: mary and lily.
uses a money shooter and enjoys watching the battle royale as everyone dives to the ground to collect as much money as possible: sirius and regulus // euphemia and fleamont.
steals all the money from the kids: dorcas.
the owner of this account, along with the marauders, would like to wish all their muslim supporters a very happy eid 🤍🤍
sirius tricked james into telling him about his relationship with regulus, regulus isn’t happy.
regulus: first things first, james here is a fucking idiot, and if he tells you anything fucking different he’s a liar and a fucking snake.
regulus: *smacks james on the forehead*
regulus: fuck you.
sirius and regulus are eavesdropping on their parents while they’re discussing politics, and are texting each other whatever they hear.
sirius: did she just say that voldy’s going to enforce a marshmallow?
regulus: a martial law, you gormless git.
sirius black had way too much fun with his name.
making an entrance: “sirius black is sirius back!”
confused: “sirius black is siriusly blank…”
hungry: “sirius black wants a sirius snack.”
bout to throw hands: “sirius black will siriusly attack.”
under pressure: “sirius black will sirius crack.”
back from a dentist appointment gone well: “sirius black has no sirius plaque.”
bought a new bag: “sirius black has a new sirius sack.”
the list goes on…and it only gets weirder.
barty: your ex is waiting by the common room entrance, they’re begging to talk to you.
regulus: *applying nail polish*
regulus: too bad, i only do second coats not second chances.
regulus: james, if you didn’t sleep last night then i’m very sorry, i was thinking about you.
james, distracted by a triangle shaped grape: …the illuminati have taken over the grape industry.
james: *is laying on the floor with a clear quartz stone on his head*
james: i do not chase, i attract, what belongs to me will simply find me.
sirius: *peeks his head into the dorm room*
sirius: james, come say hi to regulus in the common room.
james: HI — IM JAMES BUT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW THAT — IM THE BEST CHASER HOGWARTS HAD EVER SEEN — I LIVE TO CHASE.
james: if you all were to write a book, what would the title be?
james: ‘reasons i’m the greatest best friend in history.’
sirius: ‘the daily struggle of being sexy.’
remus: ‘the daily struggle of living with ‘sexy’.’
regulus: ‘why adult floaties are much more of a necessity than children’s ones.’
marlene: ‘how to keep ‘em wrapped around your finger, the marlene method.’
lily: ‘how to snag the richest guy in school, co-written by: remus lupin.’
mary: ‘a guide on how to outlive all your friends.’
dorcas: ‘bagging the hottest girl alive: a fool proof 6 month plan.’
peter: ‘why i demand monetary compensation for all the nights i’ve spent in detention because of ‘sexy’.’
james walks in on wolfstar.
james: bro, are you fucking serious?
sirius: i can confirm that i am, indeed, fucking sirius.
remus: *peeks his head out from under the covers*
remus: and i can also confirm that i am, indeed, fucking sirius.
headcanon 1 about the potter brothers:
sirius finding out he was fruity, and immediately panicking, thinking of the worst case scenario of how james would react and how he might lose his brother.
————————————————
james finding out he was fruity, and immediately pulling out a checklist labeled “things sirius and i have in common.” and checking the “sexuality” box. then rushing over to tell sirius because he’s so excited to have something new to bond with his brother over.
snape is serenading lily, and it’s quite distasteful.
snape: so come run your hands through my hair, ‘cause that’s why it’s there.
sirius (to remus and james): “come run your hands through my hair”? i can make some bloody fried chicken using all that grease in it.
james is texting a sleepy regulus at 3am.
james: reg, would you still love me if i had no ears?
regulus: no, goodnight.
james is bringing sirius back home after a blood test.
sirius: *walks in happily with a lollipop in his mouth*
remus: i take it that the blood test went well?
james: he was in and out of that chair in exactly one minute!
sirius: yeah! and no biting this time, not even attempted biting!
sirius and remus are texting.
sirius: can we break up for 1 hour, 6 minutes and 11 seconds?
remus: no, but what for?
sirius: i wanna listen to adele’s new album from another perspective.
remus: as tempting as your offer sounds, it’s still not a valid excuse for me to dump you, sirius.
james: wow, you look like shit.
sirius: i stayed up till 5 am with marlene. do i regret it? yes.
sirius: but was it worth it ‘cause i got to help out a friend who needed comfort? absolutely not.
james found out about peter being the traitor, and he’s discussing it with the rest of the marauders.
james: i cant fucking believe it, petey? betraying us? after everything we’ve been through together? after all this time?
sirius: *standing up and reciting poetically* do not mourn the treachery of time, brother, for dogs have always danced on the corpses of lions. however, do not believe that their dance makes them above their masters, lions will always be lions and dogs will always be dogs.
remus: sirius, you’re a- you’re a dog.
headcanon:
sirius black LOVES $uicideboy$ and listens to them religiously.
sirius also keeps a shrine for ruby and $crim right next to the shrine he made for himself.