Prose - Blog Posts
For those that enjoy my work, I want you to know that if you search #top post on my blog, you will find all my most popular posts. I’ve always tagged and cataloged my memes, and I’ve been tagging #top post to my work that has received the most engagement and reaction for over a year now. Thank you for following me! I’m very appreciative.
Sure isn’t 5 years divorced & ready for a friend finally
“It’s never too late to start over again and to be happy.”
— Anurag Prakash Ray
http://www.audible.com/pd/Sci-Fi-Fantasy/Engineer-Your-Perfect-Child-Audiobook/B00FWXU8JI
So excited! I stepped up from doing all those short story audiobooklets for theTumblr writing community to my first full length recording of a novel! Did about 30 character voices too! I am a pro now. :-)
Yay! I finally have a decent video of me performing! This is me reading fiction at L Train. The piece is David Sautter's detective story "People Just Disappear", and this took place during the first Fiction, Live! evening which I also emceed. Videography by Jeff Handy.
Chapter 5 of the new sci-fi novel, Engineer Your Perfect Child, by Bett Correa, as narrated by Russil Tamsen. 10 mins. Original on Amazon here.
In this chapter, two gangleaders - a gruff hero and a slippery materialist - bump heads in a futuristic strip club in Lima, Peru. Pedro is prying to find out what happened to several street kids he mentors who have been mysteriously kidnapped and returned brain-dead.
This also happens to be the third book I've personally edited. The author said about this reading, and I quote: "This is SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!!" One exclamation point is quite sufficient, says my inner book editor.
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
Second Story Window, a short story by Gibson Grand, narrated by Russil Tamsen. 6 mins. Original here. It's a night of awkward teenage blues when a fat boy and a homely girl are the only ones not hooking up at a basement party... She is soon blossoming into a beauty. To his chagrin, she will catch him peeping when she is bathing. They will manage to become friends anyway, but there will still be an elephant in the room... All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
The Cleanup, excerpted from a novel by Ravi Kotecha, narrated by Russil Tamsen. 13 mins. Written version here. A couple of young dudes from India - runaways from an earlier chapter - have inserted themselves into the business of smuggling guns and opium. They are now wandering around the rutted back tracks of Afghanistan, haggling and trying to spend as much of their arms trade money as possible buying up as much opium as their rickety vehicles can carry. Wow, this was a vocal actor's challenge. Jumping between several Indian and Arabic voicings, phew! I love picturing these exotic locales... And it's a nerve-wracking tale too: we're just waiting for the shoe to drop, for their hubris to catch up with them! That, however, would be part of a later chapter. I initially voiced the narrator as an Indian, but later decided to go with my regular voice. It's a tough call when the narrator is first person, but it seemed like too much Indian the other way. What do you think?
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
The Old Man Bar is the opening scene of the upcoming novel by Dylan O'Toole, and is narrated by Russil Tamsen. Original here. 4 mins.
A young out-of-town writer hits a dive bar, angling for some inspiration. He meets a grouchy old dude - and what a vivid character he is, the old geezer! Coincidence promptly entangles them both in a web of misunderstandings and threatening behavior.
I think most of us have met him along the way at some point.
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
Autumn Wing, a monologue by Blank's Page, performed by Russil Tamsen. 5 mins. Written version here.
A wistful piece from the windowless halls of an insane asylum, with its routines of meds and scheduling... and one redemptive walk per day past a mystery lady in the courtyard.
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
At The Whisky Girl, a flash fiction by Scott Syx aka cheshirecatgrins, read by Russil Tamsen. 4:21 mins. Original text here.
An unlikely romantic encounter between a pair of drinkers starts at a noisy night club. The two grapple cautiously on the perilous road to intimacy - their respective emotional baggages casting long shadows along the way...
This piece said noir to me (although updated). So I said noir back!
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
Cry It Out Baby, a short story by Ariadne Paige aka mslabyrinth, narration by Russil Tamsen. What a touching piece of magical realism this is. Or you might call it a parable. So beautifully written - not a comma out of place, nor an unnecessary word! Original text here.
A dumped lass slowly repairs her emotional self one step at a time, but her decision to skip the grieving stage has some paranormal consequences. Is she losing her mind - as well as her hands? It's only through the kindly intercession of a nearby babushka in the girl's greatest moment of need that the healing tears are finally triggered.
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
A riotous short story by Cate Doherty, given the radio theater narration by Russil Tamsen. 8 mins. Original text here.
A couple of biddies of a certain age are chatting or maybe knitting over afternoon tea, sharing the latest gossip. Marian has to relay to her friend Maggie the whopper of a story told to her by a crazy neighbor. About being kidnapped by angry fairies of the field! (And every word true, don't ya know.)
Erin go bragh, and let's have a wee bit o' fun toying with an Irish accent, shall we? Well now. A real challenge for a narrator, this one! And great fun.
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
The Old Man and The Sparrow, a touching short story by Sarah Dame (known around these Tumblr parts as flightedd), as narrated by Russil Tamsen. Original text here.
Welcome to a warm, timeless fable about a debilitated old-timer. He's rejected by his grown children and burdened with regrets, but he is finally able to let it all go in peace. In this case, it's mostly thanks to a helpful little avian friend who is willing to fly just far enough to bring back news about cherished places and lost friendships. These updates put the old man's mind to rest - for the last time.
A simple story, so I felt drawn to using the kind of fireside narration voice one might associate with children's books and bedtime stories. If this doesn't bring a little tear to your eye, you might want to check you pulse to see if you are still alive...
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
A nutty short story called Sleepy Daze by Tumblr's how-to-shoot-a-squid, comically narrated by Russil Tamsen. Original text here.
Possibly my favorite narration so far! The story follows a charmingly stoic poor bastard, a put-upon dufus named Justin. We track his hospital misadventures after his ear falls off one day - and starts talking to him!! The bloke gets beaten down by his harpie of an ex and by a sadistic nurse, but he keeps on going... and he's going to give his agent a heart attack.
There's a great rhythm to the writing in this piece, a lilt you wouldn't know without having lived somewhere near London. Chris asked for Estuary English, so I gave it my best shot! Thanks for the opportunity to do a longer piece, mate! (17 mins).
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
Chilly film noir, a monologue written by Eric Boyd that was published in issue nine of The Fourth River. It's called Anything For Johnny. Performed by Russil Tamsen. 10 minutes. Original text here.
Today we have a serious drama, just in case you were thinking I could only do goofy! We follow an inmate through the last bitter moments of his incarceration, his release from jail, and his first disappointing moments of freedom. It's rough for a guy having to start over with empty pockets in the middle of winter, but he's got one thing going for him: at least one Jamaican thinks he looks like Johnny Depp.
[Funny thing: my gf thinks I look like Depp also, but it 's probably her rose-colored classes talking.] All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
Your Cheatin' Heart, a dark flash fiction by Nick Desjardins aka a-new-american-classic, as narrated by Russil Tamsen. Only 4 mins. Perfect for all you Quentin Tarantino fans! Original text here. On a slow night, some morbid humor unfolds in a southern pool hall: the bartender's hot mess of a lesbian roommate stumbles in and casually spills some shocking news...
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
10. The Thief and the Poet, part 2.
Short story written by Jen Mountebank, narrated by Russil Tamsen. Original text here.
Here's the conclusion to the saga of a strange trio who find themselves in the same prison cell: one 'uninhibited' nutjob of a thief, a distressed poet who likes to pontificate, and a stammering Manhattan Jew of a narrator. They will wrestle with the inability of writers to keep an audience's interest without in some way plagiarizing. Part 2 is 7 mins.
This short story was pretty intellectually funny, and dark too. A warning for all youse authors like me who find youse selves straddling both high brow and low brow worlds!
Part One here.
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
9. The Poet and The Thief, Part One.
An intriguing short story written last year by Jen von Mountebank aka jayarrarr, one of our renowned editors here on Tumblr, and narrated by Russil Tamsen. Original text here.
The four characters include a grungy thief who talks in an odd pirate-ish patois, an upset and pompous poet, and Woody Allen as The Narrator, who says he made the other two up. Now they're all sitting in the same radio theater jail cell. It's a philosophical dissection about whether it's even possible for a writer to avoid borrowing/stealing. (The language is a tad complex, so listen closely!)
Part Two here.
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
Quirky little flash fiction by Niven aka monkeyerror, as narrated by Russil Tamsen. 5 mins. Original text here.
It's about a bored chick whose day at home is interrupted by a perp on the run, breaking and entering. She nearly fractures his arm using furniture in self defense, but as the two get to know each other he turns out to be as harmless as wet noodles.
Whoa, dude, I think that guy was Spiccoli's brother.
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
The Recruit is entertaining radio theater of a flash fiction by Lucy Younghusband, featuring lots of fun British voices by Russil Tamsen. 9 mins. Original text here.
I got to pull out me whole Monty Python toolbox for this one! The Recruit is poignant. Add in your own mental sound fx and it's 1939 England. A hapless British husband eager to please his fertile wife is desperate for a job. He finally lands one with an odd German doctor - whose already sketchy sounding experiments turn out to be a ghastly deception. Highly embarrassing and exposing. :)
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
Ladies and gentlemen: as promised, a second chapter reading from David Blanton's online novel, Casual Baby, as narrated by Russil Tamsen. 7 mins. Original text here.
Behind a hatshop in the Big Easy, there will be a salacious encounter between the protagonist and one hip milliner/burlesque dancer who's curious and ready for some hot tongue action. But the novelist character has been feeling quite wobbly about reality.
[On a personal note: Ah, Louisiana. I managed to get rooked within 24 hrs of arriving in New Orleans the first time I visited. Also, I'll confess to watching a couple of episodes of True Blood.]
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
Cor Blimey! This is a rollercoaster of a monologue performed by Russil Tamsen. It was written by one of our illustrious Tumblrites, Laura J. Blake. So much fun in one disaster! 7 mins. Original text here.
In the piece, a jilted, pent up Londoner struggles to apologize for decking the ex's new beau, but eventually he loses his self-restraint and goes ballistic - while the answering machine records every stammer and twitch. Somewhere between Simon Pegg and Jason Statham. I could have done it all flat and deadpan, true, but I decided on a climactic shape instead. 7 mins. :)
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
A Public Resource is a short story-monologue written by Erika (processproduct), narrated by Russil Tamsen. 11 mins. Original text here.
Erika asked me to read this darkly humorous piece of hers (which was featured on Tumblr awhile ago) about a naive webcam girl who remains flippant even as she is literally starving. The stranded gal entertains herself without food in her city basement during the chaotic aftermath of a blizzard. Love ya, Erika!
All rights reserved. Russil Tamsen: narrator, comic improv actor, book editor, and author of 21 ebooks. Please visit my ebookstore at QuirkEbooks.com and follow audiobooknarrator. Know a piece of Tumblr fiction that deserves a great reader? Run it by me!
I made Tom Robbins crack up! Score!
At the writers conference, famed novelist Tom Robbins had us do a writing exercise.
1. Write down your favorite word... (Then we all read out our favorite words. Mine was Australopithecus. Say what?)
2. Write a first sentence of a story/novel/whatever, using that word... (Oh, if had known that's where he was heading!... So we read out our sentences. I had the class laughing.)
3. Write a second sentence that connects to that first one and opens up the potential of the story. (We all read our completed sentence pair.) Here's what I came up with:
"Most early hominids sported shaggy manes, but none had a more luxurious, enviable head of hair than Bob the Australopithecus. His sweaty female, Boo, however showed little interest in his chevelure and seemed far more jazzed by the rugged Javamen who had been beaching their sea canoes that morning." I didn't get a chance to explain away the time travel aspect... ;-)
The darkness in my head thick viscid pulling me under
I once thought you had come to banish the darkness It turns out you only came to snuff out my remaining light
I miss you You miss me Yet we keep missing each other
No matter how hard I try Or the amount of willpower I manage to summon You will always be my weakness
It’s just nice to know once in a while you’re weak for me, too
I want...
I want to rail. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to yell out horrible things about him and make him feel as useless and broken as I do.
I want his arms around me. I want him to stroke my hair and tell me it will be okay. I want to believe it will be okay. I want to be safe. And secure.
But no one hears my wants as they fall directly into the blackness which was once my heart.
Time again to box it all up. Put it away. Pretend I don’t feel. Time to lose myself in mundanity. Hide from passion. Give up on hope.