Ptsd Mention - Blog Posts

My roommate walked in on me watching the 2003 TMNT Halloween episode, and without missing a beat, she suggested we carve a ‘PTSD-o-lantern’ for Halloween. I was baffled, like, what? And then she goes, 'Oh, you know...the blue one.' HELP. That is so horribly accurate it hurts 💀

TMNT 2003 | All Hallows Thieves

Happy Halloween!

I am in the middle of rewatching the 2003 version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles during my summer break from college, this time with my father, who had only seen bits and pieces of it when I watched it as a child. We are currently on season four, which fans often refer to as the "post-traumatic stress disorder arc" for Leonardo, as it depicts his mental deterioration and increasing anger, even surpassing that of his notoriously hot-headed brother.

While doing the dishes, I asked my father what he thought of the arc so far. He simply said, "He seems angry." I agreed, replying, "Yeah, he's angry at himself." My father responded, "Yeah, but he's also angry at his brothers." This made me pause. I knew Leonardo had moments where he was upset with his brothers for not training enough or for goofing off, but I had not thought of him as being outright angry with them.

Then my father elaborated, "He's angry because they're not perfect, like he expects himself to be." This was a revelation for me. I had always interpreted this arc as Leonardo being angry at himself for not being good enough, but it makes a lot of sense that if he holds himself to such a high standard, he would hold his brothers to the same—and get frustrated and angry when they inevitably do not meet it.

I think a less explored aspect of this arc is that Leonardo is exhausted from carrying the burden alone and was trying to share it with his brothers. However, they do not carry it the same way he does, which does not make them lesser—it just makes them young and still wanting a life outside of crime fighting. Michelangelo captures this sentiment best in the same season when he says,”I think all of you should just lay off the poor guy. I mean, it can't be fun. Always being the responsible one, and we’re the ones who really benefit. Raph's free not to think cause Leo does all the thinking for him, Don's free to dream, And I'm free to take it easy, all cause Leonardo is busy being responsible enough for all of us.”

Anyway, at the ripe age of twenty-two and in graduate school, I find myself once again feeling melancholic over little green guys.

HOW TO USE YOUR EXTENSIVE LOVE OF THE ALTOGETHER TO SLEEP

i’m serious! so i suffer from ptsd and as a result get some pretty fun and funky fresh nightmares. i frequently have trouble falling asleep because i’m busy remembering last night’s Fucked Up Shit or wondering what new Fucked Up Shit my brain’s gonna give me tonight. i’m not saying this has cured me- my nightmares still exist, trust me- but it’s made it a lot easier to sleep

step 1. getchurself the entire silo album. it’s on spotify, apple play, and bandcamp! grab it real quick. make sure it’s not on shuffle. u got it? good

step 2. at your desired time play the album starting from decatur street. don’t worry if you’re not sleepy yet or if you’re restless.

step 3. use the first 3 songs to get grounded. pull the blanket over your shoulder so you don’t get cold. take a deep breath. get your cat to stop turning your desk chair into a fillet. remember that you forgot your retainer. if you’ve settled in and brown of gold isn’t over, focus on the background of the songs- jonah and brian and sierra are masterminds with layering. have you noticed the tambourine in ladybug yet? no? notice it.

step 4. use the next 6 songs to sleep. they’re quieter and calmer, and still have enough background that if your brain runs off with something, you can redirect your attention to focusing on every note in the alto line from follow through or the bassline in bigger sky. count along with the stupid slow 3/4 time in 10/31. if your brain works best with a goal (like mine does,) try to be asleep by the end of “must be a dream.” it helps me to convince myself to stay still and keep my eyes shut that way.

step 5. and hey, if you aren’t asleep by track 10, you’ll probably end up crying yourself to sleep with see the day anyway, so there’s always that! i’ve personally never made it that far and it’s been a week or so.

anyway the only downside of this i’ve found is that i’ve very quickly familiarized myself with tracks 1-7 while i still dont know all the words to newton’s first? but thats like. minor stuff. i have it on good authority this works with anxiety-related insomnia too (and maybe with regular insomnia? i dunno! go find out)

now good night, everyone, and i hope this helps!

CW: Flashbacks, ptsd mention, past trauma mention, Whumpee guilt

Whumpee sees their face in the bathroom mirror, the overgrown hair, bloodshot eyes, and the bruises that their entire body is covered with.

Just then, some flashbacks from the time they were being tortured come. They remember how the Whumper used to love running their hand through Whumpee's hair.

Suddenly, Whumpee is possessed by the urge to take an electric shaver and they run it over their hair.

They don't stop until all their soft, beautiful locks are lying in clumps next to their bare feet on the bathroom floor.

When Caretaker walks in and sees this, they take away the shaver from Whumpee, because they don't want Whumpee to hurt themselves by mistake.

Caretaker sets down the shaver and turns to Whumpee.

But Whumpee's eyes are cold and empty.

It makes Caretaker worry about them even more.

"What do you think you're doing!" Caretaker screams at the Whumpee.

Whumpee breaks down and drops to the floor, head in their hands.

In their eyes Caretaker can see the torture they are still mentally going through from their time in captivity.

"Why'd you do that, Whumpee?" they ask.

The Whumpee finally raises their head and looks Caretaker in the eye.

"I just ... I just felt like it."

"Then you should have asked me to do it for you!"

"I wanted it gone now! I JUST FUCKING WANTED IT GONE NOW! So leave me alone!"

Caretaker has never felt so helpless.

They crouch down on the floor and look in Whumpee's eyes.

Eyes that used to be vibrant but are lifeless now.

They place a hand on Whumpee's shoulder and speak in a gentle voice. "It's okay," they say to Whumpee, "I understand. Just please let me know first, next time you want to do that? Okay?"

When they hear this, Whumpee grabs Caretaker and pulls him in a tight embrace, on the wet floor of the bathroom and the Caretaker hugs them back.

"I'm sorry, Caretaker! I'm really sorry! I don't know what comes over me sometimes! I know you were only trying to help!"

So, Caretaker tries to calm Whumpee down. "Hey, just relax okay? You're with me now, Whumpee. You hear? Not Whumper! And you'll get used to it, just give it time. Let your body and your mind heal."

Once the Whumpee has calmed down enough, Caretaker helps them up and they take the electric shaver and use it to properly smooth out Whumpee's hair.

Caretaker then sets down the shaver and helps Whumpee take a shower.

Then, they bring fresh clothes to Whumpee and help put them on.

When the Whumpee is freshly showered and clean, Caretaker can see that they are feeling a little better.

So, Caretaker helps Whumpee to the bed.

They give Whumpee their meds and tuck them in.

"Just get some rest, okay?" They say to Whumpee.

Caretaker leans in and kisses Whumpee's forehead.

Whumpee finally closes their eyes and drifts off, finally feeling at peace.