Rambles - Blog Posts
having a partner is jusst so mgjgjfj!!! you mean!! i can kiss him!!!! I can hold him!!! when we shower I can hug him and feel warm skin!!!! you mean i can invite dawg out to slowdance under the stars???mmghfh you mean i can just be.. a silly lil guyb...And this other silly little guy who i love a lot is also there??You mean we do the laundry together?? Absolutely wild. I love him. And you mean to tell me i got a RING and put it on.. his finger?? to symbolize our undying love??? I'm shaking. I'm so in love. I love him.
(Also fun fact my F/O is one of my pookie's OC's so it's like.. Inception... idk man im a freak)
Aphmau Rewriter TRY NOT TO challenge: IMPOSSIBLE
Call your story or one of your chapters something like “Rebirth” “Reborn” or anything to do with reincarnation
Use canon ships only and don’t add any ship fulfillment this includes, Garrence, Garmau, Laurmau, etc.
Give characters more animal like traits, furry feet’s and arms, antlers, horns, large teeth.
trauma dumping and projecting onto the characters.
The Great Wave Chapter 15 Review!
This is my review of the new chapter(i've never done a review before so dont expect much lol)
Spoilers under the cut!
Well, this chapter was great! from the art and all of the little details in each panel to the suspense that had me in the edge of my seat, truly amazing
I'm not really familiar with the Dofus lore(I havent finished Aux Tresors or seen the movie yet) but i have a general idea of what happens
So when i tell you that I ALMOST EXPLODED WHEN LILOTTE APPEARED I mean it
If you haven't read the chapter and/or dont know who Lilotte is, allow me to explain;
This chapter beggins in the city of Bonta, showing the crowded streets, until Kerubim's Bazaar(i wonder if its still called that?) appears, showing Kerubim and Atcham napping in the front.
I think its something curious how these two ended up being a rather lazy version of their former selves(again, i havent finished Aux Tresors so what im saying probably doesnt make sense but idk), in fact even Joris points it out in season 4 and in this chapter, which takes me back to the baazar.
A costumer appears and asks Kerubim if they are opened, and he responds that yes, she can enter and his "little salesman" will assist her, before he can finish, Joris can be heard(he actually can't be heard because its a webtoon, but for the purposes of this little review he can) shouting, calling both Atcham and Kerub.
Inside of the bazaar, Joris can be seen hilariously, although not unjustifiably, panicking over the many clients and questions he's being asked at the same time.
Which leads him to calling his "sons", and seeing that they didn't come, having to go outside and suggesting them(or rather yelling) that they come to help him(their dinamic is so funny
kind of doomed tho)
Atcham and Kerubim, instead, tell him that its the rheumatism, which, quoting Atcham, "hurts a lot". Joris, unbothered(or amused??? idk you tell me what this expression is
At least he wasnt possesed lmao) asks them the rheumatism??? yesterday it was the gout, the day before yesterday arthritis and when it isnt digestion problems, its the motivation(damn, they rlly dont want to help 😭)
THEN, A HOODED FIGURE EXITS THE BAZAAR FAST, JORIS NOTICES IT AND GRABS THEM BY THE ARM, AND TELLS THEM THAT HE DOESNT REMEMBER THEM IN THE CHECKOUT SO I GUESS YOURE A THIEF, AND TAKES OUT OF THEIR HAND A RING(? idk it was a round small thing) AND TAKES OUT THEIR HOOD, AND ITS LILOTTE????????
BUT THAT CANT BE BECAUSE SHE DIED??????? WHAT IS HAPPENING????(btw, Lilotte is Joris' childhood friend, she was there when all the stuff with Julith happened, but i haven't seen the movie so thats what i know[feel free to put info about her in the comments/reblogs!], and the reason bc she's dead is because all of this happened in the Dofus era, meaning before Ogrest flooded the world and CENTURIES AGO)
SO SHE SHOUTS LET GO OF ME AND POOR JORIS IS SO SURPRISED THAT HE ALMOST DOES SO, BECAUSE IMAGINE THAT ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS, THAT YOU THOUGHT WERE DEAD UNTIL TODAY, APPEARS IN YOUR HOME, TO ROB YOU??? WHICH OBVIOUSLY IS IMPOSSIBLE BC SHE EVEN HAS DESCENDANTS??? AND ALL OF THESE THINGS MUST HAVE PASSED THROUGH JORIS' MIND SO QUICKLY, AND MAYBE HE REMEMBERS OTHER FRIENDS HE HAD, AND ALL OF IT AND AHHHHHHH
SO OBVIOUSLY HE IS CONFUSED AND SHE TAKES THE OPPORTUNITY AND TAKES THE RING-THING AND RUNS AWAY[Though, now that im thinking abt it, Louis(the house/bazaar which is a shushu) must have recognized her too :( ]
AND JORIS IS THERE STANDING WITH THE HOOD SHE HAD AND LOOKS ALMOST SCARED, BUT THEN KERUB AND ATCHAM ASK HIM IF HES OKAY, AND THEN THERES A CLOSE UP OF JORIS AND HE LOOKS SO SADDD
BUT HE QUICKLY CHANGES HIS EXPRESSION(or tries to) AND TELLS THEM ITS OKAY KIDS I JUST GOT THE IMPRESSION OF GOING CENTURIES BACK... ATTEND THE CLIENTS I WILL RETURN WHEN I CAN, HE SAYS, WHILE HE LOOKS AT THE HOOD IN HIS HANDSSS!!!!
AND THEN HE LEAVES RUNNING!!!!!!
AND THEN WE SEE LILOTTE RUNNING THROUGH THE STREETS UNTIL SHE GOES TO THE SEWERS AND SHE ARRIVES TO A UNDERGROUND ECAFLIP SHELTER???(or something like that) AND SHE GOES TO THIS FIGURE WHO I GUESS LIKES SHINY STUFF BECAUSE THEY HAVE A LOT OF SHINY STUFF AROUND THEM!!!!
AND THEN THE CHAPTER ENDS!!!! IM GOING CRAZY!!!!!
Sorry for writing most of it in all-caps but i wanted to convey the suspense lol
Here are the theories I made so far!
1- Lilotte is not Lilotte(obviously) its actually Julith or
2- She is that ecaflip/ouginak from the thumbnail of chapter 17, who apparently can change form???
3- Or maybe she is just a random ouginak who looks a lot like Lilotte(a descendant?)
4- The guy that likes shiny stuff is a dragon(bonus points if its one of the primordials)
They are all BAD theories but oh well
Overall, this is the chapter that enjoyed the most(though last chapter was really pretty visually, and it showed the relationship between Dathura and Amalia greatly)
And i think thats all! I hope that you liked it, and maybe i will write another one for the next chapter :)
I wonder how many eras of Earth's natural history have been completely lost just because they didn't make a visible mark on the planet.
I wonder how many species have been forever lost to time only because they never fossilized or left behind and traces of their existence.
Who knows what incredible, terrifying, or seemingly alien forms of life once called this planet home, that we'll never know once existed?
Ancient life is incredible. It makes me sad to know that so many species of flora and fauna and everything in between will never be known. Things so odd they seem straight out of movies.
Life and evolution are just so incredible, and deserve so much more appreciation than they get.
There's like, so many things I wanna do in life.
I want to find fossils and prep them for display.
I want to write a children's book.
I want to make my own comic.
I want to write my own novels.
I want to try voice acting.
I want to try acting acting.
I want to make ceramics.
Why does there have to be so many interesting things you can do in life, so many things that I wanna try, but I still can't settle on an actual career???
The thought that dinosaurs and other prehistoric life forms were at one point truly alive and roaming the earth and just behaving no different from any other living thing today just makes me so happy.
I don't even know if happy is the right word, I just couldn't possibly describe the type of amazement I get from thinking about it, I can't put words to it.
Like, these were real living creatures, they aren't from fantasy or mythology.
They breathed and ate and slept and did all sorts of normal animal things, because they were normal! Not some bloodthirsty monsters, they just did what they had to to survive, just like modern day animals.
Looking at the fossils I have in my collection and really thinking about it just amazes me. My little fish, at one point, was swimming around in the water with all the other fish, except this was millions of years ago. It's a little piece of the past, frozen in time, letting people today have even just the smallest glimpse of things that happened so long ago that we'd otherwise have no idea about.
It just, amazes me that at one point, all these creatures that, by comparison to today's life, are so strange or creepy or alien or whatever were once just the norm. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary to see a huge beast of a reptile looming ominously in a forest, or a flying creature far more deadly looking than today's birds of prey soaring through the air, or just, whatever the hell was going on in the Cambrian period, and it was all normal.
I know I'm just repeating myself a lot but wow I just get all sorts of feelings when I think about this stuff
Fuck man the past is so cool
Yippee I actually deleted c.ai im so proud of myself because now I can hopefully actually not be drained and burnt out 24/7 and I can actually work on developing my cotl au and maybe actually have enough time to draw digitally ^u^
Have random ancient drawing of Shamura i did on a chromebook!!
Every time I go on tumblr I somehow find Leshy art that I love and save everytime my folder of Leshy stuff has over 100+ pieces of Leshy art i think I like Leshy
When I tell you this anime has me in a death grip...
I recently watched Death Parade after Instagram showed me a reel of animes you could binge in a night (spoiler it took me two days but that's okay) and it almost made me cry twice.
i totally haven't already made my Sona a death parade au nooo not at all........ I need more are of her immediately.
I am now sick.... What god did I anger to make them make me fall ill
I love fanarts of characters meeting their past selves or someone else meeting them, but what if they met them at their lowest point. Like present (insert character) meeting past self while they were at the peak of facing the horrors and vice versa and present (character A) meeting past (character B) and being utterly shocked by their state compared how they are now.
ok ok ok so recently i've been playing through the ace attorney games (i haven't started three yet but i remember most of the plot bc of the anime) and for some reason i wanted to take a shot at what an "accurate" no DL-6 AU would look like! I just think it's interesting to see what might've actually happened if DL-6 never happened bc DL-6 is kinda the major butterfly effect in the AA world. Idk if i wanna make this an actual AU or just a ramble on how the series would be completely different without DL-6 lmao. We'll see! Maybe you guys decide :D anyway MAJOR AA TRILOGY SPOILERS AHEAD
I'll start with the characters. Gregory Edgeworth would still be alive, Miles would become a defense attorney & work with his father at his law firm. Phoenix would most likely pursue his artist career. Narumitsu/Wrightworth tbh would still happen bc they need to be canon PLEASE CAPCOM. Just that there would be no rivalry.
Anyway the Dahlia case would've been so different but also kinda the same without DL-6. It was because of DL-6 that Misty Fey left Kurain Village and Mia also left to become a defense attorney. Without Mia, it would've most likely only been Diego Armando taking on the first Dahlia case with Terry Fawles. Fawles would probably still commit suicide, and I believe Diego still would've investigated Dahlia further & gotten poisoned by her, but without Mia becoming a defense attorney & being killed by Redd White in 1-2, Diego would've never had a reason to become Godot so he probably would've stayed as a defense attorney. Furthermore, without Mia it most likely would've been Miles taking Phoenix as a client in 3-1 bc childhood friends never losing touch bc no DL-6 (you get the point lmfao).
Like, I think about maybe half the cases in the original trilogy would've NEVER happened if DL-6 never happened bc we would've never met Mia or Maya or Pearl, Yanni Yogi wouldn't need to take out his revenge, Von Karma wouldn't have been arrested, Franziska would've never wanted revenge so she most likely would've never come to Japanifornia, I think the only person that would never change is fucking LARRY and that's honestly the craziest part LMAO.
agh i'm getting kinda tired bc it's late so i'll probably finish this ramble tomorrow. there's so much I wanna talk about but my mind is going at like 1000 mph so I need to get my thoughts together lmfao
TLDR: DL-6 is the butterfly effect for the entire ace attorney world & many of the characters we know and love wouldn't even exist/be introduced if it weren't for it.
EDIT: removed the censor for suicide bc apparently tumblr is weird and idk how it works (please be nice ab me making mistakes next time I didn’t appreciate you guys basically yelling at me)
Hey y'all,
I'm willing to beta-read fanfics and original works. So, if you're interested message me here on Tumblr, on AO3 @animekitkat24601 or on Fanfiction.net @Maplesong of TreeClan.
Sooo, the other day I made a post about how much I'm in love with Lore Olympus then noticed that I misspelled something; so I edited it and when it said that the edited version was posted, I deleted what I thought was the original only to find out that it was still the same post😅😅😅.... So here's a shorter version of that post (since I can't remember what I originally said):
Sooo, Lore Olympus is my new favorite thing ever! I love Greek mythology, mythology in general is one of my favorite things but Greek mythology (well, technically it would be Greco-Roman mythology but I prefer the Greek versions) is probably my favorite, so Lore Olympus becoming a new obsession was pretty much a no-brainer. Hades and Persephone are so pure!! Zeus is every bit as much of an ass as he always is; Hera is Queen; dude-bro Poseidon is great; Artemis is great; Hecate is bestie; Eros is the best; Hermes is also the best; Cerberus is best dog... okay, I'll end my rambling there but seriously Lore Olympus is amazing!
Update: I have now also fallen into the Oscar Isaac hole...
I've fallen into both the Pedro Pascal and Supernatural holes, and it looks I'm not gonna find my way out any time soon....well been in the Pedro hole for two years now and the Supernatural one for three... may need help, will keep posted
I've fallen into both the Pedro Pascal and Supernatural holes, and it looks I'm not gonna find my way out any time soon....well been in the Pedro hole for two years now and the Supernatural one for three... may need help, will keep posted
So, I developed this habit ever since Tumblr became my go-to place for reader-insert fanfics of falling in love with characters from shows and movies that I have and will likely never see to the point of actually inserting myself into certain scenarios (i.e; I’ll rewrite the reader’s dialogue to be what I think I would actually say in the given situation) and coming up with my own headcanons for certain scenarios, Good Omens (specifically Crowley), Doctor Who (specifically 10 and 11) and Sherlock (specifically the detective himself) are the biggest examples of this phenomenon. This also happens with shipping, in which case Johnlock is the biggest example. If I were to watch Sherlock, I would most defiantly see Sherlock and John only as close friends and just roll my eyes when the show is deliberately ship-teasing them.
To the Stars who listen and the Dreams that are answered...
I was listening to Luminary by Joel Sunny when writing this. And saw the quote from ACOMAF.
-- I have always felt connected to the elements, each one in its own different way. But as the days go by, its switches from time to time. I think you feel most connected to the element that you needed at that time. Maybe not the one that you felt like you were. As there are always checks and balances, whether you believe that or not is up to you. But it's what I always have believed.
While I never felt fire as much, it came with the burning passion. The desire to protect those I love, to be fully of fury and love. Contrasting but complementing the watery movement, the fire would stay strong to its path and burn anyone that got in its way, but it also gave off the homey vibes. The warmth on a cold autumn night. The laughter of fire and comfort, a light inside of the darkness, a spark of hope that something was still alive.
Ice has always been tricky. I could feel it in my veins when fear and panic come through. When I am so cold I just want to sleep. But it has its own creative side. Where each snowflake is so beautiful but different from the rest. Where the fun of playing in something so soft and while it might feel like a hundred miles away, imagine a little shop full of elves making toys. Of Jack Frost nipping at your nose, the Guardian of Fun. Of Santa and all of his wonders. Of the amazing designs that frost or snow can create.
Even then, I feel that jolt of lightning come through me at times. When I would touch an object and feel the electricity spark onto me. Where I would imagine it hopping from line to line, filling me with the energy to take part in the activities around me. Seeing that spark of mischievous talent lying in wait. For the right person or moment to set it off. For it to get people excited. To get them moving.
But even then I was never drawn to those elements as much as I thought. They would tickle the back of my mind, letting me know they were there, but not as much as the others did.
At first I thought it was earth, strong and steadfast. Willing to be stand the test of time without ever moving an inch. The leader of the group and the one everyone uses as a pillar of support.
Then I thought it was Water. Constantly moving, shifting and flowing. Blue as the sky and the waves it creates. Powerful but calm, the common sayings of "the calm before the storm" or "There is strength beneath the sea." It was healing and allowed me to follow my own path, and conform to whatever I needed to be at the time. Be a force to be reckoned with.
Next was Air or Wind, whichever people see fit to call it, but I see them as one in the same. I see wind as a presence that gives life to everything. That it's a moving force that cannot be seen, but everyone knows that it is there. That it can be as strong as a hurricane, or spinning as fast a tornado, be as light a breeze and warm or cold when it needs to be. That there is nothing it is attached to, but everything is attached to it. That it is free to do how it pleases, but never once asks for more.
And then comes the Stars, the space between our world and the next. It has drawn me to it in the past while. Lending both mystery and wonder. Darkness and light. Curiosity and adventure. It has this appeal to it that I can't quite explain. As if it has everything that the elements are, but nothing that they are at the same time. For stars can burn as hot as fire, flare and flow like water, turn ice cold when they die. They are steadfast rocks, constant in our sky, lighting up the world with their glow. And even though they are deep in space, their light acts as if it is being blown in the wind, and imaginary force. The stars are peace, they are hope, they are in the darkness and have decided to reflect the light. People wish upon those stars. They send their love and hopes and dreams, in the prayer that they are not ruined. They look up to the stars with stories from old, of brave men and women that represent the constellations above. Who we can learn from their triumphs and their failures.
All of the elements have a place in my heart. In my body. And while it might be hard for people to understand, each element is connected in its own way. Just like each and everyone of us is connected. We just can't see it yet.
If the reason why the legislation got passed (that women legally means female) was because JK Rowling payed 70k in lawyers fees, shouldn’t the takeaway be that people shouldn’t be able to influence the decision of government with money?
Obviously 70k is a lot of money for most people (including me) but it isn’t actually that much money in the grand scheme of things and if your saying that’s all it takes to influence laws we would all be a bit fucked. Like 10% of the uk has over 70k saved up.
Ever just peer pressure a friend into NOT watching a show you like? Because it's your show. Like no that's my thing. You can't take it from me. What if you watch it and then get more into it than me? That'll ruin my thing. No. Bad. I did in fact do this with Arcane. But really all I did was explain a few things from the first couple episodes and he noped out. So he wouldn't have watched more than a couple episodes anyway, I just saved him the drama.
I really like the idea of Micah being aromantic. Specifically aroallo.
He doesn't seem to actually be interested in dating or traditional "love" (while he also makes sexual comments and does express that he's attracted to Abigail)
Though, I'm sure SOME PEOPLE will say that this is a terrible headcannon and that this is just making him a worse guy but idc
I like the idea and think it fits him.
I mean, really, looking at how he acts in game and comparing it to my own experience as someone who is aroallo, I see it.
I'm debating on posting a wiki about a Sans Au I created. It's the only wiki I have rn on any of my Sanses. I'll probably come back and link it here sometime. Which means I have to check Amino again. I find myself not very active on it, but I may use it to create wikis. I'll probably end up moving the wiki over here- and just post it, maybe info dump too.
“All great art comes from suffering,” incorrect, all great art comes from experience and emotion. You can get just as inspired by joy as you can by sorrow. Your mental and physical wellbeing may influence the tone of your work, but it’s not the sole factor determining the quality of your work. That’s just fucking stupid. Don’t stop yourself from healing because you think it’ll make you a worse artist.
Oxenfree, raising my blood levels
So I got oxenfree and are currently playing through it and omg I like the music and the voice acting is pretty good but the best is the atmosphere. There are times when my throat is tight and my heart is fast. It scared the crap out of me at times.
Also the characters are brilliant. They all feel real with flaws and believable connections.
Anyway off topic ramble over.
My ass is so tired rn from my photoshoots for my senior pics and having to wait in my sisters car.
Now I never wanna get my comfy bed.
Honestly I love to imagine that Jonathan Crane has to help assist in forcing motivating Gatia to get outta bed when they have to work.
Random fact about me, I actually do most of, if not all the time, begrudgingly get myself up for school, do I’m basically never late. However sometimes I do put a timer for several more minutes so I can get extra nap time. And the rare times my dumbass plays everyone favorite dangerous game of closing there eyes and then waking up 20 minutes later when it only felt like a second.
That is probably what Gatia would need Jon for lmao
Share a random F/O thought from the braindome?
Welp- the first things that comes to my head with my FNF f/o specifically isss
Boyfriend: He is sadly too short to play Just Dance with me
Girlfriend: Always so pretty and attractive and uhh- that one gif I have saved in my gallery of her (this one)
Whitty (and Carol): Y’all do realize Whitty and Carol have two hands right? For me to hold! We gonna be a circle
These are legit what have been rambling in my head all day LMAOO. I love this question so much and I love my F/Os <33 thankies so much!
Unreliable Narrator
A lil thing I meant to write for April Fools, but am a little late lol. Isn't that in the spirit of the day tho? >:3
(inspired by a lovely artwork from @veriitasu) mdni !! / 14 days with you / sfw / redacted belongs to @14dayswithyou
Redacted lazily strums out the simple riff on his guitar, endlessly patient as Angel squints at him, trying to learn to replicate the riff. He can’t help but admire his Angel’s face, scrunched up in the most adorable way as they lean in closer, lower lip caught between their teeth in intense concentration.
Once he finishes his demonstration, he gestures to them, gently encouraging, “One more try, Angel. Y’can do it, you’re s’close.”
Angel just groans, flopping back on their bed, “Ughhhhh I can’ttttt. How do you even-? My brain understands but my fingers won’t cooperate!!”
He chuckles before humming in agreement, mindlessly strumming at the guitar, “Mmm, yeah, I remember it bein’ like that when I was first learnin’ too. Don’t worry, it’ll get easier th’more you practice. N’ you’re already making such great progress! F’real, Angel, I’m so proud of you.”
Angel shoots a lingering glance toward them, and Redacted’s breath catches at the intensity of their Angel’s eyes, shining with newfound determination, “Alright. One last try, I got this!”
With an eager expression, Redacted silences the last vibrations of his guitar with a swift hand over the strings, instead leaning in to cheer on Angel’s next attempt.
And this time, they finally, finally get it right, the strings giving way to a melody that filled the room with an electric energy.
Redacted grins, looking on in admiration, “That’s m’Angel.” His eyes then widen with a realization, and he practically trips over himself to switch out his electric guitar for the bass guitar that was leaning on the other side of the room.
Readjusting it to their form, they mutter under their breath, more of a wish than a request, “If y’just play it one more time…” He checks to make sure his camera was recording.
After cheering a small celebration of their own, Angel does just that, replaying the melody with more confidence than before. This time, Redacted joins them, playing the accompaniment he had already learned far earlier in their study session. Their notes easily meld together, Redacted’s tune matching Angel’s perfectly, even through the slight hesitation, making it sound as though there was no better way to play it.
Redacted smiles to himself as the music hangs in the air, “See, s’like we were made for each other.”
They reach out to their Angel, running the back of their knuckles against the warmth of their cheek affectionately. That is, until Angel reaches back toward him. Redacted freezes, holding his breath as his Angel’s eyes lock onto his own for a split second. And then the world tilts, and the screen in front of him goes to static.
Frantically, Redacted reaches over to his keyboard, quickly maximizing the feed from the other cameras in Angel’s room.
But the moment is broken, and Redacted can do nothing but sit at his desk, alone. So close and yet so heartbreakingly far from his other half as they move to put their guitar away, unknowingly severing the false connection Redacted had so desperately built between them.
Nighttime Chats
Convincing Redacted they're good enough, this time through metaphor ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ idk thought I'd try something out lol, trust, I know it's cringe
mdni !! / 14 days with you / sfw / redacted belongs to @14dayswithyou
I am pulled from my sleep as I feel something shift. My eyes blearily open to find a blue gaze matching mine anxiously, “Sorry, Angel, did I wake y’up?”
I groan lowly, “No, y’fine. Wha time’s it?”
“…Four.”
My eyes shoot open, “P.m.?!”
Ren calmingly rubs a thumb over my forearm, “No, a.m.”
I settle back down into the sheets, relieved, “Oh… well then go back to sleep, you’re already more behind than usual.”
They immediately protest, “No m’not.”
I give them a look and they avoid my gaze, giving me all the information I needed. I gently question, “You alright?”
He pauses half a second before answering, “Yes.”
I nod, “Mm, what’s wrong?”
He snorts lightly, “’Said m’fine, just watching you.”
I pull him into my chest, laying my head on his, “I know. But you were thinking, not just watching. There’s a difference.”
There’s a long silence before he responds, “…D’you think… if there was a god… d’you think She would ever b’capable of loving a mortal as much as they love Her?... A god has a whole world, an infinite amount of people, places, and things t’love. But all the mortal has is Them. How could such a perfect being ever truly love such an insignificant, imperfect fleck on Their world?”
I consider, well aware of his true meaning and trying to respond in kind, “Well, I wouldn’t know how a god would feel . But from my perspective, I don’t see how a god could not love a mortal. There are so many ways to love, and surely their love for a person, a soul, would be more powerful than any of the others, right? A soul is so special, a type of god in its own right, able to create and destroy, to live and love and experience and share their experience back to the world in a unique way not even a god can.”
Ren responds, “But there are billions of other souls. Why a specific one? Especially if they’re one that’s flawed, broken beyond repair, a failure of creation? Why not a true god, to be level and equal to Them, powerful enough to fulfill Her every desire?”
I think over his question, “What use is one god to another? If one can fulfil a desire, so can the other, sameness has no meaning. The thrilling part is the new, the learning, the sharing of souls. No creation is a failure, and nothing is truly broken, only changed. Flaws are what make things interesting, unique, and compelling. Even shattered glass can make for beautiful mosaics, or stained-glass windows.”
Ren scoffs, “Unless it’s fractured into pieces too small t’fit into a work of art. Sharp enough t’cut and useless f’anything else.”
I frown, trailing my hand up and down his back comfortingly, “Then it’s frit, and can become swirls of gorgeous color if utilized by an artist willing to see its potential, to handle it with care and love as it should have been from the beginning.”
Another pause, then, “What if it’s a weed instead then? Ugly, unwanted, and choking out other plants for its own selfish desires.”
I shake my head, “Plants and animals do what they have to do to survive. It’s their environment that defines the lengths they must go to, not their form, nor their inherent nature. You can’t blame something for trying to survive. If it is considered ugly and unwanted, then it is in the wrong environment and beheld by the wrong person. A dandelion is considered a weed to adults, but a wonder to children. A flower that is so bright and shining, that becomes a sphere of fluff, whose seeds become dancers in the wind.” I laugh a bit at my own whimsical description.
Ren counters, “It’s invasive, an eyesore, and takes over spaces where it never belonged, using up resources from the ones deserving t’be there.”
I lean back slightly to look them in the eyes, “It sounds like you’re the wrong beholder then. Dandelions are versatile, resilient, and can sustain others through healing and sustenance. Every part of it is valuable in some way or another, if you care enough to look beyond the surface.”
They look back at me with wonder, “Y'so optimistic.”
I grin back at him, “I was a nihilist for a long time, I just happened to finally find meaning in the world.”
He questions, “And what’s that?”
I smile brightly, finding their hand under the covers and intertwining it with my own, “You,” his real name rolls off your tongue so naturally, like it was always meant to be there.
I bring the back of his hand to my lips, trying to convey every bit of emotion I felt for them through my touch and gaze.
They seem frozen for a second, staring at me in shock. Just before he shifts to hide behind his bangs, I see tears fill his eyes as they turn downwards.
I quickly reach out to turn their face back to me, watching anxiously as he furiously tries to blink away his tears, “Hey, listen. I know what you’re thinking right now. I understand the instinct to tear down everything I’ve said, to write it off as me just being careless or misguided. But it’s true, and I need you to believe it.” Tears are now streaming down his face as silent as they are relentless, and knowing how much they hate me seeing them cry, I pull them back into a tight hug.
I continue gently, “I’ve seen you at your worst, yeah? When you were crazy with jealousy and hatred and thought I was going to leave you. But I didn’t. I’m still here, and I’m going to be for a very long time. Not because you made and executed the perfect plan, not because I have no other choice, but because I want to be. Because I’ve seen you as you are, and I fucking love you. And just because that contradicts your view of yourself doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It means you’ve been in the wrong environment for 23 years, and I intend to fix that.”
After a pause I add in a more lighthearted tone, “And if that means I have to beat the shit out of the voice in your head that keeps saying horrible shit to you, that’s what I’m gonna fuckin do.”
Ren cracks a weak smile, “How’re y’gonna do that? They’re a stubborn bitch, and largely immaterial.”
“Like this.” I return my hands to their face and plant a kiss on their forehead. I then move to each of his cheeks. I leave one on his nose and each of his eyelids, and then everywhere in between.
After we are both laughing from my onslaught, I finally pull away, “Better?”
Ren responds with the faintest hint of a smile, “One more couldn’t hurt. Just t’make sure.”
I chuckle, “Alright, one more, but then we have to go back to sleep.”
He pouts at my words, but ultimately gives in when I lean in, and we share a soft kiss.
After, I hold my arms open, allowing them to cuddle in closer, wrapping their arms around me and laying their head on my chest. Our legs naturally intertwine as we sink back into the pillows around us. I absentmindedly trace patterns on the back of his shoulder as we fade back into the obscurity of sleep, together.