Regulus & Andromeda ;; 001 - Blog Posts

As Andromeda flinched, Regulus frowned deeply. He hadn't meant for her to feel bad, but he hadn't considered the way his words would land with her. "No, I didn't mean to....shit, I've fucked this up," he said, placing his head in his hands for a moment. He'd just wanted to talk to someone that would understand, he hadn't wanted to leave her with guilt. "You did what you had to do, what was best for you. That's what I want to do now...I want to do something for me for once," he said, his voice small but strong. "You know Bella...her care manifests intensely. She was doing what she thought was right, she just pushed too far. She was caring in her own way," he said, grimacing as he thought back on the disaster that had been his recent teatime with Bella. "She asked me to perform unforgivables on her recently so that I could demonstrate my aptitude. I was disappointing. I'm a stain on the family name, and I haven't even betrayed anyone yet."

Andromeda's hand in his was a comfort he hadn't known in years - the warmth of family who expected nothing from him other than to be himself. "I will bring more shame to them than you or Sirius ever did. They had me in their claws, and I've slipped away. It will haunt my parents for the rest of their miserable lives," Regulus said sharply. A small laugh left him at her optimism that nobody would kill him. He knew he would be hunted for the rest of his life once he turned, he knew he was a man with an expiration date. "I don't trust the Order not to fuck this up. I've seen them on the other side of a battlefield...they can't manage their own soldiers, never mind this. And I don't want to drag you and Ted into something that could explode with our family, not when you have Nymphadora to think about. You have more important things than me, I just wanted to talk it out...I'll figure something out, I'm sure," he said, though he wasn't sure exactly how that would happen. "I can't do it any more. I'm not sure what it looks like, but I can't fight for the Dark Lord any more."

Reg reached for his cup of tea to take a long sip as Andromeda talked. He laughed at her joke, raising his eyebrow in her direction with a grin. "We've been seeing each other for a few months now. It's still new and exciting, but it feels different. It feels like it could be permanent, maybe, if we can navigate through all of this. Yes, of course, I'd love that."

Andromeda couldn’t help but flinch at his words, at the reminder that she and Sirius had both played some part in this. It made her heart ache to know that because of her he’d gone through more than she could possibly imagine. It wasn’t fair to him. “Regulus I’m so sorry.” She breathed, shaking her head. “I never meant for me leaving to be a punishment for any of you.” She could only imagine how Bellatrix had been, she’d never been the easiest even growing up. “What did Bella do?” She was afraid to know but at the same time felt she had to know. For her sister to be cruel to Regulus, the thought alone infuriated her. She expected it from their parents, but for her sister to do so? It was unforgivable.

She shook her head as he called himself an embarrassment, once more taking his hand in attempt to comfort the both of them. “You are not an embarrassment Reg, you are doing the right thing. Just because our family made their choices doesn’t mean we have to make the same ones. It’s time for us to choose our own paths, decide what is right for us. We will figure it out, we will make sure you’re safe. No one is going to kill you.” She was quiet for a moment as she thought. “We could go to the order, if you tell the truth I’m sure there is something they would do to help. You could help. Or Ted is an auror, I’m sure we could discuss it with him, figure out the best course of action.” She stopped once more, shaking her head as he admitted he had a panic attack. “It’s not too late Reg, you can leave that life. We will figure it out, I promise I’m not going anywhere and I will help however I can.”

Her lips quirked up as she saw the fond way he thought of the guy he was seeing. “As long as you’re happy then I’m glad. Ted was much the same way, I mean have you seen that man? His blood was the last thing I was thinking about.” She joked. “I’d love to meet him though, if you wanted me to of course.”

His recent run-ins with both Sirius and Andromeda had really started to reset Regulus' brain, and he'd hardly slept over the last few weeks as he was kept up by the choices he'd made. The inner conflict was tearing him apart, and he needed to speak to someone that he could trust to keep his secret. There were very few people on Earth that Regulus felt he could trust with the enormity of this, but he just knew that Andromeda was someone he could talk to without fear of judgment. Even with her owled response confirming a date and time, Regulus had half convinced himself that his cousin was not going to come and he would be left to struggle through his feelings alone. "I wasn't sure. I wouldn't have blamed you," he offered with a small shrug. "I didn't think I would reach out either, but...here we are."

He gestured towards the couch for her to settle herself as he crossed through to his kitchen, tapping the kettle with his wand. Returning with two strong cups of tea, Regulus set them onto the coffee table before taking a seat. "I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. A lot of soul searching...it's been hurting my head, to be honest. And I guess I just...wanted to talk to someone that would understand."

Andromeda had been surprised when she had received the owl from Regulus. There had been hope that perhaps she had got through to him when she had seen him, softened some of that resolve that seemed such a Black trait. Or that perhaps even the sight of his niece would be enough to warm him. The invitation had filled her with hope, always the optimist. Still she had to consider whether or not it was a good idea, to go to his home wasn't necessarily the smartest idea. But there was no refusing him, so she'd sent him an owl with a time and date that worked for her, glad when he'd agreed. She couldn't deny upon arrival that she was nervous, she didn't know what to expect from this meeting. But regardless, she wanted to be there for Regulus, would always be there for her family. "Of course I came.." She offered him a small smile as she stepped inside, her eyes taking in their surroundings cautiously as she followed him into the living room. "Uh..tea would be lovely actually." She stood, unsure in the middle of the room, taking it all in before she turned to look at him once more. "I didn't think you would reach out.." She corrected herself. "I mean I hoped but..." She shrugged helplessly.

The conflict waging war within him was almost like nothing he’d ever felt before. With Sirius, Regulus felt a personal betrayal at the loss of his brother. He had always liked Andromeda, but the betrayal didn’t cut as deep. Yet he stood in Diagon Alley reflecting on the creeping darkness that felt like it could suffocate him, and here was his cousin who had carved a life she clearly enjoyed and had fought so fiercely to protect and keep. He knew what he had been taught to believe, he knew he should think that his niece was a filthy abomination, and yet when he looked at the girl innocently eating her sugar quill all he saw was a child that had a future in front of them. Tucking his hands back in his pockets, he inclined his head slightly as Andromeda gestured. “I understand,” he murmured quietly. “I don’t…I can’t agree with it, but I understand why you made your choices,” he offered.

He just wished she understood the pressure that the loss of herself and Sirius had placed onto their younger siblings shoulders – pressure to be perfect, to uphold the family standards, to never step a foot out of line. It was an impossible ask, and yet it was the life Regulus led. “Good for you,” he said, a hint of bitterness in his tone. He missed his brother. “It’s not the job my parents wanted for me, but I love researching and carving new ground. They wanted a diplomat,” he shrugged, having little interest in politics. A slight frown curved over his brow as he considered whether he was happy, and all he could offer was “I love my job.” His life was a mess, and it was only getting worse. “I’m glad that you’re happy…I’m glad you’ve found a good life,” he whispered. “Is Sirius happy?”

Andromeda couldn’t help the way her heart clenched at the sight of Regulus speaking with Dora. Dora was always surrounded by people who loved her, true family and family made from friendships. But to see her with Regulus, she wished Dora could have a relationship with her family. But she’d resigned herself to the idea it would likely never happen. Still, to see the way Dora smiled at Regulus and whispered a ‘thank you’ as she took the sugar quill made her heart ache for what could be. “I did.” She agreed. “And I’ll never regret making the choice I did.” A weak laugh as she gestured down at Dora before her eyes returned to him. “How can I regret this? A life without Ted, a life without her. It wouldn’t have been one worth living, regardless of what the family says.”

“It’s good to have family, however little of it Sirius and I may have left.” She agreed with a weak smile. “It’s good for both of us, and for Dora.” She wanted to tell Regulus that he was welcome to visit too, that he would always be her family. But she wasn’t willing to push, not when she knew such a suggestion could be met with derision and a nasty comment. “I’m glad, you’ve always been brilliant. I’m glad the ministry sees that.” She glanced down at Dora, too entranced in her treat to pay attention to anything else going on around her. “We’re good. Happy.” She assured him, looking up at him and smiling. “I hope you are too…happy that is.” A moments pause. “I know none of you want anything to do with me. But that doesn’t change anything for me. I wish nothing but happiness for all of you.” She wanted to say that she loved them all, missed them every day. But she wasn’t sure she could bear to show any further weakness.

Glancing around, Regulus was checking to see that there was nobody nearby that would report on this conversation. The last thing that Regulus needed on his plate were reports that he’d been speaking to a blood traitor that had been dishonourably disowned in broad daylight, and yet his feet refused to move. He knew the right thing to do, and yet he just couldn’t do it. It was weakness, he had always been weak despite Bellatix’s attempts to force the weakness out of him. ‘He’s spineless’, his parents had whispered when they thought Regulus couldn’t hear it. He didn’t need to hear everyone else’s relentless disappointment in him to know that something was wrong with him. He wasn’t like Sirius or Andromeda, but he wasn’t like Bellatrix or Narcissa either. He was weak. Once Andromeda nodded her approval, Regulus pulled the paper bag out of his pocket and gingerly handed a sugar quill to Dora. “These are my favourite,” he whispered, half conspiratorially and half from sheer terror that someone would see him.

 Frowning at his cousin as he shoved his hands back into his pockets, Regulus stayed stubbornly silent at Andromeda’s rebuttal. After all, what could he say? He knew he shouldn’t be stood here offering sweets to his niece and making small talk. “You made your choice, Andromeda,” was all he could offer. Watching Dora’s hair change to match Sirius’ messy locks sent a pang of hurt through Regulus chest, and he had to drag his eyes away to look at Andromeda instead. “I’m…glad he sees you still. I bet it’s good for him,” Regulus choked out, his brows furrowed. “Getting by,” he paused, wondering how much of himself to offer to a cousin that he never saw. “I work for the ministry now. It’s good work, honest work…I love it. How are you? And…Ted.”

If Andromeda had been an outsider to this sight, she likely would have found it amusing. Both of them so unsure of the other, unsure how to react or handle the situation. She was on edge, prepared to bolt with Dora if that was what the situation called for. She could handle the dirty looks and words of harassment, but she’d be damned if her daughter had to deal with such venom. She hesitated as he offered a sugar quill for Dora, but softened at the way her daughter’s eyes brightened at the mention. A peace offering? Her eyes locked with Regulus and finally after a moment she nodded, smiling softly down at Dora. “Go on then, just one so you don’t ruin your dinner.”

The moment Dora had her hands on the sweet treat she was distracted, perhaps for the best as she straightened and turned her attention back on Regulus. “Well everyone has done a magnificent job of avoiding me as best they can. After all, I don’t exist anymore. No better than the dirt on the ground, yes?” She couldn’t help the bitterness in her voice, she missed her family, an integral part of her that felt like living with half her heart missing. At the mention of Sirius, Dora perked up. “Uncle Sirius?!” The green hair immediately replaced with a dark mess of hair as Dora got excited. Suddenly the girl looked so like Sirius and looking between the two, so much like Regulus as well. “He’s not here Dora.” She pointed out, taking a moment to brush the mess of hair back from her face. Andromeda straightened once more and offered Regulus a small smile. “We do. Dora is rather fond of him, but then again he lets her get up to all sorts of trouble. It’s frightening how similar to him she can be.” A beat of silence. “How are you?”

Staring at Andromeda in a state of something almost akin to shell-shock, Regulus didn't quite know what to do with himself. Finishing his sugar quill quickly before stuffing his hands into his pocket, Regulus could practically hear his mother's shrill voice shrieking in his ear that he should take this opportunity to make Andromeda regret ever leaving them. He'd never had much of a taste for violence, especially not for an older cousin that he had once cared for...and he certainly couldn't bring himself to harm a child, even if that child was a half-blood with shocking green hair. The dark mark burned into his forearm was itching in her presence, a burning reminder of what ideologies he had signed his life away to...and yet, there was something that held him back.

He took a small step closer to them. In all these years, he'd never seen Nymphadora Tonks in person - he'd only heard the bitterness of his family's curses when the birth was announced, and if he'd spotted someone that looked vaguely like Andromeda in the past, he'd quickly turned and gone the other way like a coward. Not this time. With a quick glance to ensure there were no eyes watching them, Regulus nodded curtly towards the small child. "It's nice to meet you, Dora. Do you like sugar quills? I have another if your mother will allow it," he said, eyes drifting up to Andromeda. Maybe it was a poor imitation of a peace offering, or maybe he simply couldn't bring himself to be a dick to a small child that shared his blood. "It's been many years, Andromeda. I was beginning to think I might never see you again, privately or publicly. Do you...still see Sirius?" He asked rather pathetically, with the small voice of a boy that still ached at the loss of his big brother.

A day free from work at St Mungos was rather rare for Andromeda. She tended to work her usual hours along with more on top of it. However her bosses had decided it was necessary for her to take time off, lest she end up exhausted or sick due to neglecting her own needs. Most would have taken the opportunity to spend the day at home. She however had seen it as an opportunity to spend the day with her daughter in Diagon Alley. They’d just finished their ice cream at Floreans when Dora had begged to go and see the owls. Unable to say no, she’d held on to Dora as they made their way down the cobblestone street. While she knew Dora was capable of walking on her own, it made her nervous when her daughter was prone to change appearance at will. As seen by the way her daughter had already changed her hair to a brilliant shade of green to match the ice cream she’d just ate.

She didn’t know what made her look up from her daughter, only the sense of eyes on the two of them. She looked up and her eyes immediately found Regulus, her heart clenching in her chest. Years ago, she may have chosen to just leave, take Dora and head in the opposite direction. But she’d long ago refused to stop running. So instead she continued to guide Dora in that direction, her eyes not leaving her cousin. “Hello Regulus…” Perhaps he hated her like the rest of her family, but there was no knowing unless she tried. So she motioned to her daughter, running her fingers through her mess of green hair. “Dora….this is Regulus.” Her uncle, but she wasn’t prepared to use that title on someone who may not deserve it.

Regulus rarely escaped the ministry on his lunch break, instead choosing to eat lunch at his desk so he could return to his work quickly. However, today had been difficult and so Regulus had made an escape into the fresh air that Diagon Alley afforded. The bustling crowds down the street weren't enough to put Regulus off buying a sugar quill from the sweet shop, a childhood favourite that still satisfied his sweet tooth more than anything else. He was chewing slowly on the quill and meandering towards Flourish and Blotts, quite content to spend the rest of his lunch break amongst the towering shelves until he found something new to take home and read. Feeling quite at peace, Regulus found himself wondering why he didn't pop out more regularly...until his eyes unwittingly fell upon his cousin, and his niece. Stopping dead in his tracks, Regulus couldn't drag his eyes away from the small toddler clinging to Andromeda's side. He should turn and go, should make known his disgust, he should curse them for being blood traitors....and yet he did nothing. "Andromeda," he said almost involuntarily, his voice so small and quiet that she may not have heard it at all. @tonksxandromeda