Regulus & Caradoc ;; 001 - Blog Posts
Reg leant his head gently against the top of Caradoc's, relaxing into the comfort and security he found when his boyfriend was near. "I won't tell you not to be scared. I'm terrified, more so now...and now I have someone other than just me to worry about. Whatever comes, we'll face it together...be it good, or bad," he said, trying to be strong for the both of them despite the anxiety that seemed to be constantly nestled within his soul. "I don't want any regrets either, or any 'what could have beens'. I love you, my dear. I love you and I'm choosing you over anything else."
Reg considered Caradoc's words before sighing. "The likelihood of them not being related to me is slim...all purebloods seem to be related in one way or another, it's just a matter of closeness. Come back here when you're done, we can debrief from it all. I might be able to help you identify some of the people you fight against, then you can pass the information to Edgar. For now, why don't we go upstairs? I'm exhausted, let's head to bed."
Fin.
“Yeah, I hope the tide changes too,” Caradoc murmured, leaning his head against Regulus’s shoulder. “But I’m scared. Even going home makes—makes me scared. Not a ton of people know me, I know that, but muggle-borns are getting captured and killed every day. I-I don’t want to die, Reg. I want to have a life with you. If something . . . If something ever happens to me, I just . . . I don’t want to have any regrets, you know? I don’t think I can fix things up with my parents, but I can have a relationship with you. And that’s what I want.”
He breathed a sigh of relief, trying to keep calm, trying not to think about all the horrors in their world right now. “I have another mission tomorrow—for the Order. Gonna try and get some Death Eater intel. Not exactly sure who we’re going after, but I don’t think it’s anyone related to you,” he said. “I don’t think I’ll get back from late.” And hopefully he wouldn’t need to visit St. Mungos, he thought to himself.
"There's a lot of damage in both of those relationships. I did see Andromeda recently, I spoke to her about some of the mess going on in my brain...it was helpful," he said, a hint of a smile on his lips which disappeared as he thought about his brother. "Sirius is a...well, I think it's going to be much more difficult to fix whatever's there. He's strong-willed, we both are. But I want to try, and that has to count for something, right?" Regulus rambled, still unsure exactly how to go about speaking to Sirius about all of this. After all, Sirius had cut all contact with him since leaving home. "My dear, do you want me to come and cast silencing charms? I might be terrible at offensive magic, but warding homes and making them private is something I've forced myself to learn expertly," Reg offered, certain that if he was to publicly leave the Death Eaters then his ability to protect any dwellings he was in would become more important than simply protecting his privacy.
As he continued to keep his arms around Caradoc, Reg felt him relaxing more with each passing minute. Dropping another kiss against the crown of his head, Reg considered the other man's words carefully. "While you're still somewhat unknown, that may be a good idea. If our relationship gets out, a forged ID won't help you...not against my cousin anyway," Reg scrunched his nose up in distaste, thinking about how terrible Bellatrix's wrath would be. "But it's a good idea for now anyways. Things are getting worse, but I'm hoping that with some of the information I'll pass on to Edgar that the tide will start to shift, even slightly."
“It would be great if you could talk to Andromeda and Sirius again,” Caradoc said with a smile. He didn’t know Andromeda very well, but he admired her bravery for standing up to her family and following her heart to be with Ted Tonks. As for Sirius, they weren’t very close, but they were in the Order of the Phoenix together. “I might make it a habit to spend more time here, then. My upstairs neighbors are awfully noisy.” He chuckled, even though it was true.
He felt much more relaxed - protected - now that they had had this conversation. Every single day, Caradoc was on edge, worrying that he was going to be attacked or someone he cared about was going to be put in danger. “You know,” he began. “I was thinking of . . . Getting a forged I.D. Something that says I’m a half-blood, at least. I’ve heard that a couple other muggle-borns are doing it. It hadn’t crossed my mind before but . . . The other day I got stopped by a some guy in Diagon Ally. Don’t think he was a Death Eater, but he was definitely aligned with their ‘cause’. He knew me somehow, and he pushed me around a bit. When I pulled my wand out, he backed off, but . . .” He shrugged. “Things just seem to be getting worse and worse.”
Reg kept his arms firmly around Caradoc, fingers running gently up and down his side to try and soothe him just a little bit. He'd been wrestling for days about what to tell Caradoc, and how to say it but he'd known that the news would not go down well. How could it? Regulus' family history was well known, but for Regulus himself to have been part of the army that wanted to eradicate Caradoc's blood status...he was amazed Caradoc was still here, frankly, never mind that he was curling into Reg for comfort.
"I'm definitely not in a position yet where I want to join the Order. It's tough, really tough...I'm turning my back on my family, my friends. But losing some family means I might regain my relationship with Andromeda, and maybe one day, with Sirius. I'm just not there yet to start truly, actively working against those I've always known on the other side of a battlefield," he said, the words tearing him up inside. Caradoc's quiet hope for the future had Reg's heart hammering in his chest, and he tilted Caradoc's chin upwards so that he could press a gentle kiss against his lips. "I'd like that. We need to make sure it's safe, but I don't want to keep you as my secret forever."
Gazing back at his boyfriend, Reg smiled warmly. "You know you're welcome here any time. My childhood home wasn't comfortable at all...everything was stiff, and proper and there was no space to just be at peace. This little home is...well, its everything I've ever wanted," Reg said fondly, glancing around the slice of the world that he had created for himself.
Caradoc leaned forward and rested his forehead on Regulus’s shoulder, calming down more and more as he listened to his words. The talk about being in danger certainly wasn’t comforting, but they were all in danger no matter what. He was just glad that Regulus was really on the Order’s side (not that he’d doubt it, but seeing the Dark Mark there had been super jarring).
“You don’t have to join the Order. I’m just glad that you’re giving them information. It could really help and prevent people from being killed. They will protect you, I’ll make sure of it. Maybe . . . Maybe, eventually, we could tell them about us,” Caradoc said, his voice quiet and soft. He knew it was silly to care about their relationship being a secret when their lives were at stake, but he needed something to focus on that wasn’t the danger constantly looming over them.
Caradoc leaned back, taking in the beauty of Regulus’s eyes. “I wish I could stay in your house,” he mused. “It’s so comforting in here.” Lately, he’d been disliking his flat more and more. It was small and didn’t have the proper wards set up.
Caradoc’s response was to be expected, and he slowly drew his sleeve back down to cover the mark as he continued to stare. Regardless of his shifting allegiances, that mark would blemish his skin forever. He would always feel the burning call when the Dark Lord summoned his followers, and he would always be stained by the choices that he made as a foolish child. What had once been a sign of pride was now a source of shame, but all he could do was try to make better choices from here on in.
“Hey, hey, c’mere,” Regulus wrapped an arm around Caradoc’s shoulder, pulling him closer to try and comfort him. “I want to do good. I want to be better. I’ve spoken to Edgar Bones and I have started feeding him information about some plans I was aware of, and some people that have been imperiused. He’s putting protection in place for me, I’m assuming via the Order…but I’m scared that if it all comes out that the Death Eaters will kill me. But that fear…it’s not enough to keep me there. I was never a very good Death Eater. I’ve been having lessons with someone to teach me to be better at the unforgivables, and just last week I completely froze up in a battle because I was having a panic attack. It can’t carry on like this, and so…I need out. This is it, y’know. This is the turning point of my life, and there’s no going back from here.”
Pressing a kiss to the crown of Caradoc’s head as he tried to play off the emotions, Regulus continued. “I’m not sure that I can put a finger on exactly what started to change my mind. I think it’s a whole mix of things – my discomfort with the torture that’s going on, my own fears and anxieties, the pressure just becoming too much from my family, and this relationship. All of this has added up to me breaking in Edgar’s office and…here we are. It’s so new, it’s terrifying. I’m frightened for my life, and I’m frightened for what comes next. But I know it’s the right thing to do. I don’t want to be a Death Eater any more. I’m not entirely sure I want to be in the Order either, but I will do what I must to help stop the Dark Lord.”
Caradoc involuntarily tensed up when he laid eyes on Regulus’s arm. The Dark Mark. He took in a sharp breath — this was a tough pill to swallow. So many things were running through his head. Regulus had met the Dark Lord? Caradoc got nervous even saying the evil man’s name. If the Order found out that he and Regulus were together, if Death Eaters found out . . . It made his stomach twist up in a knot.
But — it was a good sign that Regulus had shown Caradoc this. It meant that Regulus, as far as he could tell, wanted out. He was taking a huge risk here. “Okay,” Caradoc said quietly. He realized he was staring at the mark and averted his eyes, not wanting to make Regulus uncomfortable. “You want to do good. That’s - that’s good-” he felt a bit lame saying that. “-if you want to defect from them, the Order can protect you. I can protect you.” Caradoc felt tears come to his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you.”
He turned his head to the side, still not used to being comfortable with crying in front of others. If his father saw this, he wouldn’t be pleased. Caradoc slumped further against the cushions, a wave of drowsiness hitting him. “This is, um, a side effect of the healing potion I took. Makes people tired and emotional, you know?” He said. It was clearly not true - well, not the emotional part - and a poor excuse for his worries.
Reg shot Caradoc a disapproving look, reaching for his wand with his free hand. Under his breath he muttered the few basic diagnostic spells he knew, checking him over for his own peace of mind. "You should make sure you're checked out properly, especially when you're messing with curses. I'm no healer, but I think you're okay," he said, setting his wand back down on the side before he leaned over to press a kiss to Caradoc's temple.
Leaving the ball in Caradoc's court was making Regulus feel a little sick as he waited for a response, but he knew it was necessary. If it was too much, he didn't want to burden Caradoc with knowledge that may put him in further danger. He didn't want to lose Caradoc, who had become so dear to him so quickly, but he would rather lose him than put him at unnecessary risk if the other man wasn't willing. As Caradoc confirmed that he was all in, Reg took his hand, tangling their fingers tightly. "Thank you," he whispered gratefully.
"I'm not really sure where to start. Over the last few months, but particularly the last few weeks, I've grown more and more uncomfortable with my position in the war. I've kept it glamoured whenever I've seen you, but....well, it speaks for itself," Regulus brought their joined hands to his sleeve, drawing it back to reveal his Dark Mark. "I've been marked since I was sixteen. It's what was expected of me, especially when Sirius left. They got me in front of the Dark Lord as soon as they could, to establish me as a proper pureblood. But I have to admit....I've never been much good at it, and recently I've got so much worse. I was questioning things, questioning everything I've grown up believing."
"I guess I've always ached to be good enough, but I was trying to be good enough for the wrong people."
Caradoc closed his eyes for a moment, comforted by Regulus’s hand running through his hair. “Umm, I checked my head?” He said, knowing that that probably wasn’t the answer that Regulus was hoping for. He shrugged. He’d taken a potion to dull the pain, so that was good enough for him. It wasn’t supposed to wear off for about another hour.
He got more serious as Regulus continued to talk. He couldn’t lie, the words “life-threatening risk” did little to keep him calm. Caradoc tried to remind himself that technically, every Order member and every Ministry mission did put his life in jeopardy, so it wasn’t that different . . . Right? But, Caradoc had seen what Death Eaters had done to wizards who disagreed with them. He’d seen what they’d done to muggle-borns and muggles.
But this was what war was — taking risks. And Caradoc trusted Regulus. He trusted that deep down, Regulus didn’t align with his family’s twisted beliefs. He trusted that Regulus wanted a different life, hopefully a life they could build together.
“I don’t want out,” he said resolutely. “And I’m good at keeping secrets. You can tell me.”
As an Unspeakable, Reg couldn't talk about his work with non-unspeakables, and there were spells he'd agreed to be placed on him in order to undertake such work. He found the intricacies of Caradoc's job fascinating, and loved asking about the nuances of what he'd broken through that day. "I wondered once if wizards had helped to create the Muggle parliament, so it's curious to know they may have created Stonehenge too. It's a shame these sorts of things aren't written down, I'd love to know where we've been involved and if we were working alongside muggles," he mused, gaze following Caradoc's hand. He reached up, fingertips brushing through his hair as he touched the same spot gingerly. "Did someone check your head once you were finished?"
"It's hot," Reg said pointlessly as Caradoc lifted the mug straight to his lips, and he rolled his eyes fondly. He left his own cup on the coffee table, needing to leave his hands free so he could dispel the nervous energy in his body by tapping his fingers against his knee. He'd spent most of the day trying to figure out exactly how to set everything out for Caradoc, now that the other man was in front of him he seemed to have forgotten everything he'd mentally rehearsed.
Frowning slightly, Reg bit down on his lip before he took a deep, steadying breath. "Before I start, I just want to...ugh, I just..." he stumbled over his words, before finally settling on what he wanted to say. "I know that us being together has already put you at some risk, because of my family...but what I want to tell you might put you at significant risk. Life-threatening risk. And you'll have to keep it incredibly secret while things play out, otherwise...well. So I guess this is me offering you a way out before I confess all my sins."
Caradoc brightened up a bit when asked about the job. He loved when people showed interest because he loved what he did. To him, curses were absolutely fascinating. “It was a curse on Stonehenge! Wizards must have had a hand in its initial creation. A colleague and I were sent out to deal with it, as there were reports of muggles being affected. It was a bit difficult, ‘cause I got knocked back into one of the stones at first—” he paused, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. “—but we got it sorted out.”
He gladly took his cinnamon tea with a smile, grateful to be with Regulus, as he was so thoughtful in remembering his favorite drink. Not caring about it being hot, Caradoc sipped at it, letting the warmth flow down his throat. The slight burn reminded him that yes, Regulus did have something important to tell him.
Caradoc turned to face his boyfriend, leaning against the cushions and holding his tea with one hand. “Whenever you’re ready,” he said with a smile, not wanting Regulus to be nervous about it. Whatever it was, they’d handle it together.
Regulus had shown Caradoc more of his true self than he'd shown to anyone else in years - maybe even since Sirius left. He'd been able to show Caradoc his love of the muggle way of cooking, and hadn't had to pretend that the food he was serving had been made by a house elf. He'd shown Caradoc some of the gentleness that he thought had been left behind in the halls of Hogwarts along with the ghosts, and it had softened him. Caradoc had managed to break down his cold exterior, and with the slow removal of the bricks that Regulus had built around himself, the more uncomfortable he'd grown with his position in the war.
Leaning comfortably into his embrace, Reg smacked a kiss against Caradoc's cheek. "I'm sorry it's been so long...it's been kind of a wild time since I last saw you. I guess I've got a lot to say, and I definitely couldn't say it in a letter," he said, his voice taking on a tinge of nervousness. He wasn't entirely sure how Caradoc was going to take his news, but he wanted to be open and honest. "How nasty, my dear? I could never do your job...I seem to be better at setting curses off than breaking them," Reg said, thinking back to a recent mission where he accidentally tripped a curse because he was distracted.
As they settled onto the couch, Reg flicked his wand towards a pot of cinnamon tea that he'd made earlier and warmed it before charming it to pour two cups. The fire was roaring in the fireplace, and the world outside seemed to fade away as it always did when he was with Caradoc. "I won't keep you wondering too much longer. I've got a lot to tell you."
Caradoc immediately relaxed as Regulus’s arms wrapped around his waist, closing his eyes for a second. He always felt safer here, even more safe than his own home, because of the protective wards Regulus had. Plus, he knew that if this was bad news, Regulus wouldn’t have embraced him so warmly. It reminded Caradoc of how special this was, that he got to experience and see the soft side of his . . . Boyfriend? He wasn’t really sure what the label was, but it didn’t matter. They were together and they both knew it, that was enough.
He accepted the kiss with a smile, wrapping his arms around Regulus’s neck. “Hi. I missed you too. Receiving your owl was definitely a nice surprise. I didn’t want to risk my letter being compromised if I replied, so I came here as soon as possible. Just returned from a job this morning, had to deal with a nasty curse,” he replied, rambling on a bit. He was trying not to let it show how eager he was to hear this news. Caradoc had tried to speculate on what it might be, but couldn’t decide on a good guess.
Figuring that they should settle in, Caradoc took Regulus’s hand and wandered over to the couch, sitting down on it. He had dressed comfortably, with a snug jumper and jeans on.
Since meeting with Edgar, Regulus had been on edge. He'd been half expecting the man to either turn around and betray him to the Death Eaters as a traitor, or for aurors to simply show up at his house and arrest him after all given all he confessed. Following on from this, his next layer of anxiety was that Edgar wouldn't be able to keep this truly secret, and the more people that knew, the more dangerous this was for him. He'd called in sick to work and had pretty much remained in the house for the last few days, calling Kreacher from his parents house to bring him some groceries. As each day passed with silence, Regulus felt safe enough to owl Caradoc and ask him to visit.
With the familiar crack of apparition outside, Reg hopped off the sofa and started heading towards the front door before Caradoc had even knocked. A small smile tugged at his lips at the sight of the other man, and before he could even think he reached out for Caradoc's hand, tugging him into his home. Kicking the door closed behind them, Reg felt any lingering nerves disappearing as they were now safely alone in his home. Unable to wait just that little bit longer until they got into the living room, Reg stepped closer to Caradoc, his arms encircling the other man's waist. "Hey," he murmured with a grin, leaning in to kiss him.
After a moment he drew back, leaning his forehead against Caradoc's. "I missed you. It's been a long week, I'm glad you're here."
starter for @battle-scvrs
location: regulus black’s house
Caradoc had found that anytime he exited his flat now, he was on alert, stiff as a board, ready to be attacked at any moment. Things were getting dangerous, Death Eaters could be anywhere, and Caradoc knew that his involvement with the Order of the Phoenix made him a target. Now, as he apparated just outside the home of Regulus Black, that alarm had turned to nerves. If anyone witnessed the two of them together, it could spell disaster. Alas, Regulus’s letter had said that it was imperative that they meet up, because he had something of importance to tell Caradoc.
The Curse-Breaker found himself able to exhale in relief as he walked towards Regulus’s place, knowing that he was under the enchanted wards that would keep anyone who wanted to cause harm out. He straightened his posture, did his best to calm his racing mind, and knocked on the door. Caradoc was an innately curious individual, so he was more than ready to hear what Regulus had to tell him. His letter had given no hints, so Caradoc could only hope that this wasn’t bad.
He tapped his foot against the ground rhythmically while he waited, a habit he had to soothe himself. The thought that this might be a trap did cross Caradoc’s mind, but he was confidant that Regulus wouldn’t betray him like that.