Regulus & James ;; 001 - Blog Posts

Regulus didn't want James Potter to burrow his way under his skin again like he had those years ago. It had been too easy back then, and it would be too easy now. Reg wanted to build the walls back between them again - it was more comfortable behind his walls of steel where there was less risk of his heart shattering all over again. Regulus took a step backwards, putting physical distance between them. "I don't wanna talk about it. I don't wanna talk about it, I don't want to talk about Sirius, I don't want to talk about...being your dirty secret," he said, catching the way James' eyes had darted away. "I don't want to talk to you any more at all, actually," he said harshly, feeling the sudden need to get home and hide underneath a blanket.

Frowning deeply at James' question, Reg pulled a face. "Of course I have. What, did you think I'd just...be sitting around pining for you? I made that mistake once. Never again," he sneered, before shoving a vial of jewelweed in James' direction. "I expect your undying thanks," he said, not saying a goodbye before he turned to head towards the counter.

Despite the years of distance between them, it was like Regulus was right there, inside his mind. James supposed it was like picking up an old favourite book. You may forget individual words, but the sentiment felt familiar. How James thought wasn't that different, between then and now. "I'm not... lumping you in with him," James said, eyebrows slightly furrowing in confusion. "Sorry if it came across like that. You're a long way from being just his brother, but you don't need me to tell you that." He nodded. "I know. We don't... need to talk about this." His words were careful, slow, quiet. Almost reflexively, his eyes left Regulus' at length, to look around, just for a moment. Making sure nobody was listening in out of habit. Suddenly, he was seventeen again. He felt horrible about it immediately.

"Moved on?" Again, it was too late, and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He shook his head. How had he wound up in this situation? Perhaps the sleeplessness was getting to him. "Come on, Reg. Please. You made your point." It was for a potion for his father, who wasn't feeling very well. "In that case, I'll make sure it's an extra cool one. Doing a backflip or something. Although that's nothing to you, I know." He offered a small smile. "Sure, I have no insight into your life, which is... fair enough, but I do hope you're at least still flying."

Regulus couldn't help the way he flinched at James' easy joke. Sure, it was easy for James Potter - everything came easy to James fucking Potter. And like almost everything else in Regulus' life, Sirius was the first choice and Regulus was the unwanted extra. The little kid clutching his brother's arm, the teenager chasing after his brother's friends, the adult who was chasing everything that Sirius should have been and everything that he was not. "I know Sirius is your...I don't know, favourite person ever or whatever, but I'd appreciate not being lumped in with him any more. He made his choices, and I made mine....and you made yours," all traces of easy teasing gone from his tone, replaced with strained tension. "I'm Regulus, and I am ridiculous...and you've got no insight into my life any more. You wasted that chance."

James' innuendo made Regulus' brain short circuit for a moment, and his jaw fell agape for a moment before he collected himself. "Several years ago, maybe. But I think I'll pass on that now, I've moved on. I am, however, still interested in you grovelling. I am about to be the sole owner of all of England's jewelweed after all," he smirked. "Oh good, I'll make sure to frame it and put it over my mantlepiece."

"You're not Ridiculous, you're Regulus. Easy mix-up, I do it all the time." It was a joke akin to serious/Sirius, and something in that made James feel inexplicably guilty. It wasn't that he felt he was doing anything wrong right now, but the months when he did, years ago, threatened to resurface. Lying to his best friend had been the hardest thing in the world. In the end, he'd chosen to stop – that is, stop meeting Regulus on the astronomy tower every night, stop whatever it was that they had been doing. Sirius meant too much to him to go behind his back. And this wasn't something he could, or would, ever tell him. James made his decision, and it had been (it would always be) Sirius.

"Is that what you want? For me to grovel? Do you want me on my knees, Reg?" The double entendre wasn't intentional, but it floated in the air between them nevertheless. By the time he said it, it was too late to take back. He'd just pretend he didn't hear it. "I appreciate the concern, but I can do one more for you, don't worry."

"You should know by now Potter that I am nothing but ridiculous," Regulus shot back easily, his tone almost teasing. He held a lot of bitterness towards James Potter, and yet frustratingly, with James stood in front of him he seemed to lose the bitter tinge to his feelings. He had to remind himself that James had made his choice, and he had turned his back on Regulus and it was that reason that they had not properly spoken in years. Still, it was nice to be reminded of when times were better, when the weight of the world on his shoulders had briefly been shared with James Potter's shoulders.

Smirking at James' words, Reg quirked an eyebrow in his direction as he continued piling vials into his basket. "That's a terrible shame. I hear there's a man with quite a stockpile of Jewelweed...you may have to grovel for it. There's probably some interest going to be added to the price as well...supply and demand, I'm sure you understand," Regulus said smoothly. He couldn't stop a short laugh at James' words, and he shook his head. "Oh, I'm sure you're positively drowning in fan mail. How many autographs do you send out a week?"

"It's what?" Regulus said haughtily, tilting his head slightly in question. A smug smile of victory tugged at his lips as James disappeared, and he returned to browsing in peace. Said peace was quickly broken by the reappearance of Potter, and Regulus sighed deeply. "Oh...that would be a shame wouldn't it. How desperately do you need it?" Regulus asked, stepping a little closer to James as he narrowed his eyes before he turned back to the shelf. A wave of pettiness washed over him, and he began placing all of the vials of Jewelweed into his basket. "I'm brewing a lot of potions at the moment, you see," he said, with an air of nonchalance. "Maybe I'll buy up Diagon Alley's stock of pyjamas too, and then I'll start owling you a pair of pyjamas every day until you can hardly move for pyjamas."

"It's what?" Regulus said haughtily, tilting his head slightly in question. A smug smile of victory tugged at his lips as James disappeared, and he returned to browsing in peace. Said peace was quickly broken by the reappearance of Potter, and Regulus sighed deeply. "Oh...that would be a shame wouldn't it. How desperately do you need it?" Regulus asked, stepping a little closer to James as he narrowed his eyes before he turned back to the shelf. A wave of pettiness washed over him, and he began placing all of the vials of Jewelweed into his basket. "I'm brewing a lot of potions at the moment, you see," he said, with an air of nonchalance. "Maybe I'll buy up Diagon Alley's stock of pyjamas too, and then I'll start owling you a pair of pyjamas every day until you can hardly move for pyjamas."

"Regulus, that's ––-" James paused and looked at him for a moment. A hand went to ruffle his hair. "Alright, then. Whatever you want," he said, and, with a sigh, he slinked away. Inevitably, he returned moments later. "They said everything that's in stock is already out on the shelves. So if you want to buy everything here, which... I mean, you were here first. You're entitled to do so. But just know you'd be hoarding all the Jewelweed supply in London." All James heard was that he was on Regulus' mind. Why was that thought making his heart beat a little faster in his chest? He told himself to relax. "I assumed as much. We're in a potions shop, after all. Didn't think you were looking for a new pair of pyjamas."

All these years later, Regulus still harboured a deep rooted bitterness towards James Potter. It was a spot of darkness that had lodged itself deep in Regulus' soul, and he wasn't sure there was anything that James could ever do to make up for the deep feelings of betrayal that still needled at him after so much time. Rather than let on his feelings of hurt, he chose to school his expression into a cruel sneer. "Yes, I'd rather you go and speak to the staff...after all, I might be buying everything on this shelf. You don't know. They may have more stock in the back, and then you can be out of my way...out of sight, out of mind," Regulus said, growing more flustered as James appeared to not be moving. "How can I forget you're here when you're still talking? I would love nothing more than to forget about you, and yet here we are. I'm just looking for potions ingredients, nothing more."

He wasn't entirely sure what reaction he had been expecting. Maybe it was indeed this. Still, it hurt. If there was one person who had the power to make James Potter go from feeling like he was on top of the world to under it, it was Regulus Black, steely and cold to the point where James felt his sharpness bury itself deep in his chest. He couldn't even be angry. He probably deserved it. "You... want me to ask them to help me find something which I can already see on that shelf?" James repeated slowly. "Honestly, don't worry – take your time. I'm not in any rush. I'll get whatever I need to get after," he said gently, leaning against the wall behind him. "Forget I'm here. Unless you need a hand, of course," James added, standing back up. "In that case, I'm definitely here. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

Regulus' desire to go unnoticed as he went about his shopping died as he turned to face James Potter fully, his lip curling slightly in displeasure. If it wasn't enough to see his brother recently for the first time in a long time, now he was face to face with Potter. "Merlin," he mumbled under his breath, staring at James before he abruptly turned back to face the shelf. "You can fuck off actually, I'll be browsing for a while. Many important potions to brew, many ingredients to buy...I'm sure you understand. They may be able to assist you at the desk," Regulus said shortly, his stomach churning unpleasantly at the sight of him. His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes aimlessly searched the bottles, every single ingredient he'd come to buy suddenly leaving his head. He hated how flustered he got around Potter, still. James Potter did not deserve such emotion from Regulus, and yet...somehow he still managed to get under Reg's skin.

Something seemed to happen between the end of November and the beginning of December that made everybody want to spend their evenings between various shops in Diagon Alley. James didn't mind much – he loved crowds. In good spirits, he made his way to the apothecary to pick up some ingredients for a potion he was planning on brewing (or, rather, planning on asking someone else politely to brew) for his father, who was feeling a bit under the weather. When he heard who was in front of him, James stopped in his tracks. Fuck. "Yeah, okay. No worries. I'll... wait," he said dumbly.