Regulus & Sirius ;; Threads - Blog Posts

It was shameful, truly, that they'd had to go through such loops to meet up as brothers. To meet in a room booked under another man's name, under heavy warding, and even then to be so suspicious of each other than they couldn't even sit down casually. He knew that Sirius' air of nonchalance was a mask, and he wasn't sure that his brother would ever trust him fully again. Their relationship was broken, potentially beyond repair, but Regulus wanted to at least try. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't try.

Nodding slowly at Sirius words, Regulus swallowed back a lump of emotion in his throat. The words he had practiced were gone as he stared at his brother, fearing that if he fucked this up that he would be lost to him forever. "It won't come as a surprise to you that our parents marched me in front of the Dark Lord as early as they could. They didn't want to risk it. And I wanted to do the right thing, to make them proud. That's all I've ever wanted. To be a good son, to be a good brother. You were gone, so they were all I had left," he said, his gaze falling. "But I was awful at it all. I was having lessons to teach me to be better. For all intents and purposes, there was nothing stopping me. My magic is strong, I have an iron-clad will like a true Black, and I had an outstanding teacher. I could have been like Bellatrix, I know I could. But I had a mental block that was preventing me from casting truly dark magic, because in my heart I knew it was wrong. I knew it. And I can't live like that any more. I can't fight for their cause."

Regulus lifted his gaze, his eyes fixed intently on Sirius. "I'm not sure I believe in your Order. I'm not sure they have a chance at all. But I'm hoping that by providing them with information, it will give the Order an edge. A way in. He's just a man....a very powerful man, but he's just a man. The regime has to be undermined, the Death Eaters...some of them just seek power. If we can prompt some in-fighting, along with disrupting raids and attacks...I don't know, maybe it's a chance." He paused for a moment, stuffing his hands in his pockets to disguise the shake. "I know this doesn't fix anything. I don't expect you to trust me, I don't expect anything from you. I know you have your own life, and I know there's no place in it for me any more. I'm not asking for anything at all. But I wanted you to hear it from me."

Sirius put his hands casually in his pocket, his hand fingering his wand in his pocket. While he leaned against the door, looking every bit the part of a bored and unbothered man, he was alert. He leaned against the door so he could hear everything on the other side, his hand in his pocket so he could whip his wand out at a moment's notice. Some part of him - the part that had been working with the Order for years - thought this might be an ambush. It would be just his look to speak to his brother for the first time in years and end up killed because of it a few days later. He still came though, because despite the estranged years between them he just couldn't believe Regulus would do that to him. He hoped as much anyway.

His face was set, unreadable - a skill they had both learned from all their years in the Black family manor. "Edgar told me something alright," Sirius said with an unamused laugh. "But I want to hear what you have to say." Double agent. Yeah right. Sirius had it in his mind to tell Dumbledore he should keep an eye on Edgar, not entirely sure someone wasn't doing an Unforgivable on him if he was so easily convinced of something so stupid. All that had been proved to Sirius so far was that he was right to think Regulus had followed in Bellatrix's footsteps; the two of them doing the Black family proud as they traipsed after Voldemort.

If he was honest, Regulus was surprised that Sirius had even agreed to meet. Their last encounter had been tense and trained at best, and downright awful at worst. Much like when he'd reached out to Andromeda, he wouldn't have blamed Sirius if he'd declined and left it at that. The fact that this had had to be arranged via an auror was appalling enough, but their relationship was what it was - there had been damage on both sides, and he wasn't sure there was anything left to repair. But Regulus would never forgive himself if his brother heard from someone else that Regulus had started co-operating with the Order, and regardless of Sirius' response to that, he wanted it to come from his own mouth.

He flicked his wand towards the door as Sirius knocked, and then magically closed it behind him before he quickly ensured the wards he'd set were still in place. He froze his pacing, studying his brother's face silently for a moment. Sirius didn't want to be here. All of his practiced words were suddenly evading him, and Regulus frowned back. "Did Edgar tell you anything about why you're here? Or...are you in the dark?"

Sirius was in a foul humour. He had had a shitty week and a shitty Christmas, making him wish quickly for the new year to come and wash the traces of it away. His bad mood wasn't helped by the meeting that had been in the back of his mind all day. When Edgar had talked to Sirius about meeting up with Regulus, Sirius had as good as laughed in his face. Whatever Regulus had to say Sirius had very little interest in, their relationship having been severed a long time ago. But despite the frown on his face all day, and telling himself it wasn't worth going, Sirius pulled his hood over his head as he left work and rushed through the rain to The Leaky Cauldron.

He kept his hood up as he made his way through the pub, hoping it would make it easier to get through without being noticed. He tugged it down as he reached the appropriate door, running his hand through his hair with a sigh before he knocked on the door. What did he have to lose? He stepped in as the door opened, closing it behind him with a frown on his face. He just nodded at his brother in greeting.

Regulus didn't want to feel this seemingly unending bitterness towards his brother. He didn't want to poke and prod at Sirius, not when he still secretly wanted his older brother's approval - though he knew he would never truly receive it. It seemed that no matter what he did, he would never make anyone happy - including himself. Sirius' silence would've concerned Regulus another time, and he was sure that when he returned home he would dwell on what it all meant, but for now Reg chose to sit in the awkwardness of the atmosphere between them. "And why would I have more run ins with the auror, brother? What are you accusing me of?" Regulus challenged, his gaze stony and hard.

"And take the rest of the family history with it? It's our story, Sirius, whether you like it or not," Reg shrugged. He wasn't liking it so much these days, but he still found the history on the tapestry interesting. He wondered how many of their ancestors had doubts like he did, buried deep inside. "If you're insistent that you aren't going to take it, there's little point in you being here and waiting for the aurors to deem us worthy of their time. You might as well go," he suggested, hoping to rid himself of this awkwardness.

Sirius was glad to be facing away as his brother spoke, a frown falling onto his face before he could control his expression. It seemed impossible that he had always been such a failure, a remarkable disappointment to his parents, and yet somehow they'd been using him as a bar to reach to. He felt guilt twist in his stomach despite all the years he'd spent trying to convince himself that his parents' behaviors were no fault of his own. It was harder to keep that belief up when he heard the bitterness in Regulus's tone. He was silent a beat too long, completely unsure what to say, and Regulus filled the silence with talk of the aurors. "I don't know," he shrugged, happy to move onto a new subject. "I'm sure you have a lot more run ins with them than I do." Working in the pub and keeping a relatively straight life meant most of his run ins with aurors were just them picking up people who were drunk and dangerous.

"She should have burned it down," he muttered, frowning to himself. Sirius was almost surprised the tapestry was still standing, sure it must just be a constant reminder of all the disappointments the Black family was starting to gather; his betrayal just the most recent. "Maybe it has both of our names on it or something," he sighed, lolling back in the chair again. "Or someone died and left us something." Though he couldn't think of many family members who would leave them both something. Just as he thought it the door swung open and Sirius went back to lolling lazily in the chair - the perfect image of unbothered.

Scrunching his nose up with distaste at Sirius, Regulus fought the childish urge to find the nearest object that he could throw in his brother's direction. "Ooh, good one," he repeated, his tone mocking. "Oh, I've spent plenty of time listening to mother insulting others, and plenty of time on the receiving end of it too. Look at you, the family disappointment...and yet I still cannot live up to what you could have been," Regulus said bitterly. "I'm fairly certain my hearing will never quite be the same than it was before her tone got even shriller than when we were children. She still sends howlers in place of regular letters," he'd received one just that morning, asking him to drop round for tea after work. He crossed his arms, glancing at the closed door that they were waiting before. "Are the aurors always this bloody slow?" He muttered grumpily, not wanting to spend too much time in Sirius' company. Sirius had left him, and Regulus had grown up in the shadow of that loss. Years ago, he might have begged Sirius to love him, to take him with him and hide him away from the rest of their family. Now, he knew that was simply a childish delusion, no matter how much that hurt.

"Of course you did," Reg said with exasperation. He should've expected nothing less. "You should see your place on the tapestry...I'm surprised she didn't burn the whole bloody house down, never mind your face. What a gift you are to her," his gaze hit the floor and he scrunched his nose. Hearing that Sirius had thought about changing his name had hit him more than he thought it would, and it further demonstrated the distance between the two brothers. "Course you don't. I don't know why they even bothered calling you here."

"Ooh good one," Sirius remarked, rolling his eyes at Regulus's retort. "I at least thought you'd have gotten better at insults since I last saw you but apparently not," he sighed as if disappointed. "Why don't you ask mother dearest for help insulting others. She excels at it," he said with a grin. "Avoid her volume though, people tend to stop listening once you start screaming," he advised seriously. Truthfully, teasing and antagonising his brother was just a lot easier than letting his guard down. He didn't know what Regulus's opinion was of him anymore, but from the whispers and rumours he heard it was far from good. And it wasn't as if Regulus had ever bothered to talk to Sirius after he left; not even replying to the countless letters he had sent.

"I debated it," he sighed, shaking his head. "But why would I deny mother the pleasure of something to give out about for the rest of her life?" He shrugged. "I'm just thoughtful, I guess." Sirius would have loved to have been a Potter - and was constantly told he was for all intents and purposes - but he was never going to change his name, quite proud to be the literal Black Sheep of the family. He felt a twinge of hurt something when Regulus first said 'me' instead of 'us' but ignored it, telling himself it was just a slip of the tongue. "Whatever we're here for," he started, glancing back at Regulus casually, "you can take it. I don't want it." He didn't need any reminders of what his life used to be. He left it behind for a reason.

The childish part of him that Regulus had thought was long dead seemed like it was fighting to get out at his brother's comments, and part of him wanted to knock the damn chair over before tipping Sirius off his own chair but the last place he wanted to start a fight was the aurors office. "I'd rather have a stick up my arse than be seen sitting next to you," Regulus retorted, though his voice held more of a pathetic tone than he wanted. Regulus glanced up at his brother's face, searching for something although he didn't know what. Perhaps he was searching for a hint that Sirius was as unhappy as he was, although he knew that couldn't be true. To an outsider, which Regulus now was, he knew Sirius had got the better deal out of the two brothers.

"Thought you'd have changed your name to Potter or Lupin, or hell, even Pettigrew at this point - anything to distance yourself from me...from us, I mean," Regulus winced at his slip of the tongue. He couldn't let Sirius see how bad things were, or how much he quietly missed his brother. Sirius had made his choice a long time ago, and his choice had made life much worse for Regulus. Regulus' shoulders were broad enough to bear the weight of his brother's betrayal, even if sometimes he felt like he was carrying the weight of the world.

Sirius watched Regulus eye the chair beside him, giving his brother a smirk and a raised brow as he continued to stand up. "Not going to sit down?" he asked. "You look like you've got a stick up your arse," he noted, facing the desk in front of them again. He didn't know why he was antagonising Regulus; the presence of his brother seemingly turning him back into a teenager. He remembered that stiff stance, standing straight just one of the many things their mother had taken great care to instill in them through any means necessary. He still had great posture because of it, try as he might to be as un-Black-like as possible. "Well as much as it pains you all to remember, my last name's still Black," he replied, a reminder that he didn't exactly enjoy either.

Since Sirius abandoned him, Regulus had felt his absence like a knife in his chest that he could never remove. It ached and it burned, but slowly over time the pain had dulled as time and distance stretched between them. It was ever present, but duller. Asking after Sirius when speaking to Andromeda had been the first time in a long time that he'd said his brother's name out loud, and that itself had shaken him. Seeing his brother in the flesh, cool and unbothered by his summons, threatened to rob Regulus of the very air in his lungs as that aching burn returned. "I'm sure they have their reasons," he said, eyeing the chair beside Sirius before he chose to remain stood stiffly. "You...you're no longer part of this family, the aurors should know to exclude you from this. Unless...it's not really to do with an heirloom at all," Regulus said, wondering if any of Sirius' perfectly good friends were aurors.

Sirius leaned back lazily in his chair, the perfect image of indifference as he crossed one ankle over the other. Despite his display of ease and disinterest, he was observant and watchful, curious what he was called he for and on alert in case it was all more than it seemed. He couldn't fathom what Black artefact would be drawn back to him, well aware his mother would do anything she could to stop him getting his hands on any Black heirlooms. He glanced behind him as the door opened, carefully hiding his surprise as his brother walked in the door. "The same reason you're here, I'd imagine. Though if you're here I'm not sure why they've asked me to come."

The summons to the auror office was of little concern to Regulus, who would quite happily shift the blame of whatever Black artefact had been found causing trouble onto his father. Regulus was extremely careful when out on missions - removing any and all personal possessions that may identify him if left behind other than his wand. Whatever the aurors believed they had found would be nothing to do with him - in fact, he'd be surprised if this wasn't more of a box-ticking exercise by the aurors to try and prove to the ministry that they were investigating something. Rounding the corner towards the meeting room he had been summoned to, Regulus stopped dead in his tracks at the familiar mess of black hair in front of him. "Sirius. What are you....why are you here?" @siriusbpadfoot