Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition 2022 Patch Notes:
30% more Dragons
20% more Dungeons
New “Finesse Greatsword” for rogue players
Multiclass Extra Attacks stack
Lowered skybox to prevent flying characters from cheesing ground encounters
Buffed Coffeelocks
Raised material price of Revivify and similar spells to account for inflation
Removed Ranger
Fixed a bug with the tarrasque which allowed players to kill it
Added Metallic Greatwyrm as an option when choosing a familiar
Raised Eldritch Blast’s damage to a d12
Lowered Wizard hit dice to a d2 (flip a coin)
Goblins along the Triboar Trail crit more often to raise odds of a session 1 TPK
D&D/Homestuck crossover event begins February 1st
Raised Fireball’s radius to maximize collateral damage
Any beast or monstrosity with an Intelligence score of 3 or lower can now be instantly domesticated with a DC 10 Animal Handling check
Buffed Lucky Feat (now provides automatic critical success or critical failure)
DMs now 100% guaranteed to insert their fetishes into the game somehow
Added cheeto dust to all character sheets
Puzzles still unsolved after 10 minutes will result in the spawning of The Deus Ex Machina, an old man NPC who solves the puzzle and sucks all your characters off
Natural 1 attack rolls now kill every ally in a 100-meter radius
All spells are now affected by Wild Magic Surge
No longer need to obscure line of sight to Hide
New, rarer magic item tier (Corrupt Items), which can only be obtained by bribing the DM
All groups that don’t include “That Guy” will be assigned 6-8 extra players, selected randomly from 4chan’s userbase
We here at Wizards of the Coast had a great year, and are looking forward to another wonderful 365 days of The World’s Greatest Roleplaying Game!