This is really just a "testing the waters" post and my jump into joining Tumblr but man....
I wish I had been more honest with myself and just got on here years ago, because I know this is a place I would've liked and I found myself frequently enjoying Tumblr posts, memes, stories, and art over the years. But I didn't because I kept lying to myself that I should try to avoid it because of the NSFW (before the purge at least), or that I wanted to "use less social media and enjoy my teenage years", and a plethora of other dumb reasons. But I've realized that these were just more excuses I kept holding myself to honor, amongst the various of other dumb things I never truly admitted to wanting to do.
I've wanted to skateboard ever since I almost ate shit on my friend's board when I was 11, or how I loved gardening in middle school but had to do softball instead every spring, or how I tried to avoid getting into Vocaloid because my mom thought it was corny and that only basement dweller loner middle aged men cared about a singing robot, and how I've wanted to learn baking and sewing and countless instruments, all of my denied feelings and more.
I'm joining here as a start to me doing what I want to do, but as I get closer to my 18th birthday and becoming an "adult", despite the plan to live with my parents until I finish college, I've realized (and my therapist) that I've held back from so many potential joys, for the sake of my academic career, softball, and partially the isolating feelings of most kids not liking what I did. I'm happy to enjoy the things I do, but there's a strong sense of lament I feel at missing out on the things I held back from, along with the things that were before my time or lost popularity by the time I learned to appreciate it.
TLDR: I'm regretting not just doing the things I wanted to do in the past, and now I can't help but slightly regret things when I enjoy them.
psychic: [reads my mind]
me: the canon of sherlock holmes is the greatest love story ever told and bbc sherlock is the first show ever to illuminate the prologue to that story which has been obscured by years upon years of homophobia and heteronormativity. not only was holmes and watson's relationship made invisible by the prejudices the original acd canon evolved within, but bbc sherlock shows us that the society we live in now is also incapable of understanding queer romance beyond the realms of heterosexual convention while simultaneously maintaining a double standard when it comes to queer vs. straight romance. it demonstrates how if creators don't explicitly state the sexuality of characters queer relationships will inevitably be read as platonic, no matter how obviously in love two people are. it also demonstrates how within a heteronormative society being queer without adequate representation and support from those around you can easily lead to paths of self-destruction, many of us stumbling around in the dark unable to acknowledge or even understand our own feelings — mislabelling them, repressing them, being consumed with guilt/self-loathing for failed heterosexual relationships, or otherwise living unfulfilled lives without ever quite understanding why. moffat and gatiss reflect these struggles and the way society fails queer people, but also suggest that the power of true love is enough to be able to overcome even the deepest of traumas if we allow ourselves to finally acknowledge and communicate our feelings to each other.
psychic: what the fuck
Rejoice! Chapter 3 of my Hilson fic is live! I know you're hungry, and I've come to feed you. Check it out here on ao3!
Shout out to everyone who’s ever perpetuated the “gay men are predatory” stereotype!! <3 You’re the reason I’m terrified to even make eye contact with another man and why I feel ashamed anytime I even think a guy is slightly good-looking. Congratulations on finally reaching peak Shit Person Status! Motherfucker. :D :D :D
I’m the type of guy to gaslight myself into being straight . I know this because unfortunately I’ve done it 7301965 times and it hasn’t worked any of them..