Sanemi Angst - Blog Posts

As much as I sexualize and objectify him, I just know Sanemi would be so incredibly difficult to get into bed with. For good reason.

CW/ SEVERE Angst/ am.... am i depressed? Maybe, lol/ Discussion of CA / DV / Men's Mental Health / Sanemi is afraid of his dead dad / MANGA SPOILERS/ Panic Attack / ANXIETY / SH - Just general no good times as a result of Sanemi intentionally isolating.

This isn't headcanons or anything, I've just had my fair share of Sanemi run ins in my life, and I know He'd be afraid of you.

Afraid of himself and being just like his dad. He looks just like the bastard. If he didn't have the white hair, it'd be identical. He has those thousand yard stare eyes, and that big, imposing frame. After his mothers death, I just know he starred at that thing for days. Watching it fester and scar... it was easier before that one came in, to separate his face from his fathers- What an ugly gash.

And he was just like his dad, to Genya, at least. He wanted more than anything for Genya to just be happy, and he knew the stupid boy was doing it all for him. To earn his big brother's love that Sanemi had been intentionally depriving him of. And it sickened Sanemi.

He had to make it painfully clear to Genya every step of the way that nothing he did, no matter the triumph, no matter how proud Sanemi was- was ever going to make Sanemi snap and just say it.

Genya was too good to be good enough. Sanemi thanked his father, briefly, for that trait about himself. Sanemi turned everything off the day his mother died. Everything except for his dad.

Genya did not deserve a tie to the woeful underbelly of the world. Those silly things Genya said after Sanemi killed their mother were Sanemi's saving grace. He never would've been brave enough to start removing himself from Genya's life if Genya hadn't believed he opened the door.

It's why he tried to take his eyes when he found out Genya had been eating demons- Genya was a man he just couldn't protect anymore, because Sanemi kept tabs and he hadn't known that about Genya for a while, now.

It was all so... scary, Sanemi struggled to even think about it sometimes. Anytime he would a pit would grow in his stomach. Anytime he thought about snapping and reconciling with his brother, telling him how proud he was- that pit would be right back. It was like he was starving.

And God, when he meets someone he loves it stings. It stings because Sanemi was always the one walking the others out of the house when dad got bad. It stings because he knows exactly what that bastard did to his mom- he knew the movements intrinsically, and that's all he knew how to do to those fly away demons he'd been slaughtering for months as a teenager.

Back when he could still resceitate a smidge of his empathy for the things. He just started imagining them as his dad.

Because the pathetic piece of shit died before Sanemi could get penance. Kyogo should've been alive for Sanemi to kill, to get big and strong, and beat his father down into submission like Kyogo had been beating him, his mother, and his siblings down for years...

He should've been alive to do the bare minimum and protect his wife- to have fallen to slaughter in her stead. Because there should've been a bigger man in the house- To not only protect Shizu, but to protect Sanemi... but there just wasn't.

The love stings because every time he's reminded of how weak he is.

He loved Kumeno. With everything in his body, he knew he loved Kumeno. He wouldn't dare say a word. He had such a soft smile, Sanemi felt yet another drop of color fade from his vision as he watched Kumeno's smile fade away.

God, he loved Kanae more than he hated the world. He knew it radiated off of him when she entered a room- Because she treated him so softly. The news had shaken him for weeks. He doesn't even quite recall where he went or what he did.

He was greedy to want anything when he wore that uniform and wielded that blade. The first time in a long time he bothered to try and love, the world reminded Sanemi of his place.

And good for it, too, He'd figure. He would've beat Kanae, he bet. Would've reduced such a kind and caring woman to a sniveling dog beneath his fists.

It was better, that God took her away. She was safer from him dead.

His thoughts are never this formulated. They're thicker with self-bashing and the like. He can't bare to look at his face, only his torso- He crafted that himself, his dad was never this strong.

I know if he likes you, you'd just never know. It'd be like pulling teeth, but somehow worse. He doesn't sleep with anyone because that's disrespectful. No woman is an object to be used once, maybe seven times, and then cast off to deal with the brunt of it.

I'm sure beating up the Kakushi that made Mitsuri's uniform was more than cathartic for him.

I'm sure, if you manage to get through to him inspite all of this, he'd be afraid to touch you. He yanks his hand away, and never initiates kissing, even though it's all he wants to do.

He cries when he loses his virginity because fuck, god is going to yank you away. and he knows he can't do anything about it because he messed up and weak. He got so close to you, and god is going to smite you for it.

He's never the one that bares the runt of his sins.

He can't finish. He has a panic attack, it's visceral, and terrifying, he cant even manage to cry. It takes every bone in his body not to lash out screaming, breaking, and destroying while you cradle him against your chest, because God, fuck, he's a mess.

It would take him months to even consider it again. He begs you to leave him and find a man that can treat you better, because it just isn't him-

And it hurts because you see how strong he is to just be alive everyday. Sanemi has never been strong, though. And he doubts he will ever be strong enough to love you correctly-

It's not like him to quit, though.

God I might part 2 this, he's such a little fucker lmao.

I love sanemi so much

Sanemi holding his newborn child. Cradling a small bundle wrapped tightly in warm blankets so they can sleep comfortably, little chunky cheek pressing to his chest as he cradles them. You’re fast asleep beside him, exhausted from all your new mother duties while Sanemi has the night shift. Being a slayer for so many years has practically turned him nocturnal, he can easily stay up all night on daddy duty while you get your much needed rest.

Sanemi whispering softly to his baby as they sleep, quiet little praises and affirmations of his love. He didn’t think it was possible to love something this much. To love so hard it makes his chest tight at the very thought of it. He would do anything to protect the sleeping baby in his arms, so innocent, completely untouched by the evil in the world. He’d do anything for the both of you, anything that meant you two living long happy lives.

Sanemi humming the lullaby his mother would sing him and his siblings. The same lullaby he’d hum to Genya on nights where he couldn’t fall asleep even after their mother did. It was a familiar tune, one you knew well because he’d hum it for you on nights where you couldn’t sleep either. Sanemi unable to pull his eyes away from their little face. Noting that they had your lips and his nose, soft little tufts of white hair and long lashes. The chubbiest cheeks he’d ever seen, ten perfect fingers and toes with the littlest nails.

Sanemi memorizing your baby’s face in the same way he had memorized yours, wanting to engrave every single part of you two into his brain. Sanemi quietly settling down with his baby still tucked snuggly in his arms, their little head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart. Sanemi sighing softly, heart aching and full of love. His twenty fifth birthday was just a few months away, it almost felt surreal as he whispered softly to his sleeping baby…

“I wish I could be here to watch you grow up.”

Succor

Sanemi x F!Y/N

I'm feeling horny and sad, so here's a horny and sad comfort one-shot I had queued, and I know y’all love some soft Sanemi

CW: hurt/comfort; mentions of death? explicit sexual content, creampie, emotional sex/love-making, crying. MDNI.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

He comes back bruised, beaten, and bloodied, but he comes back alive; and that’s all that matters.

But he comes back a little more broken, and Y/N can see it in his eyes; can see that his head and shoulders hang limp under what is undeniably the crushing press of guilt.

There was a loss of life on this mission. Whether it was one or many does not matter because Sanemi will bear the entirety of its weight, and she will lose another piece of him to this war they wage on behalf of humanity.

So when he shuffles through the shoji door of her estate and drops his head into the crook of her shoulder, she wraps her arms around him and holds him close. She holds him tight, and maybe it’s because she’s trying to keep him together when she knows that he is about to fall apart.

And when his arms encircle her waist and crush him to her, and his lips find the side of her neck as he whispers, I need you, Y/N lets him have her completely.

She lets him tug open the sleeping kimono she wears before undressing himself and allows him to lower her to the unmade futon on her bedroom floor. She lets him kiss her soft and needy, while he wraps his arms around her waist and holds her impossibly tight against him as he slides into her with a soft groan.

Sanemi has lost today, and she knows that he needs to feel her in his arms, to know that she’s safe, and still here and breathing with him until the screams in his head subside.

She locks her legs firmly around his waist to hold him to her as he rocks his hips against hers, slow and steady. Her white-haired lover hardly pulls himself out, instead content to grind up into her core because he needs to feel as close to her as possible. But she cannot help but cry out from the friction that is becoming too much to bear, and she feels Sanemi pick up his pace, his hips moving a little harsher, his length dragging in and out of her more hurriedly, and Y/N clamps her teeth down around his clavicle. She knows that he is doing this now solely for her benefit, but tonight isn’t about her; it’s about him, and he needs to be comforted.

So, with great effort, she slides her hand down the rippled expanse of her lover’s back until she comes to his firm backside and presses down, limiting the push and pull of his hips until he slows back to that needy grind against her.

In her ear, Y/N hears Sanemi’s strangled moan of gratitude as he resumes the languid roll of his groin into hers. Y/N’s hand slides back up to grip his hair, tugging lightly until he removes his face from where it has been buried in her neck so that he can meet her eyes.

The lilac irises she loves more than anything in the world are filled with such exhaustion and grief and love that it causes something inside of her to break, and her eyes become mirrors of his own. Before she knows it, they are both crying because they are both so damn tired of having to sacrifice their comrades for every demon they manage to kill.

But Y/N can do nothing but wrap her hand around the base of his neck and pull him down to kiss her, to swallow the broken sob that bubbles up in his throat as his mouth moves desperately against hers.

“It’s okay,” she whispers against his lips as she breaks away to pant, a familiar heat beginning to coil in her belly as Sanemi continues to grind deliciously into her. “You’re okay. I’m here.”

The muscles in Sanemi’s arms flex as he tightens his vice-like hold around her waist, melding every inch of Y/N’s skin into his own as he rolls his hips harder against her. He buries his face back into the side of her sweat-dampened neck, his fingers digging into the sensitive skin of her sides. Suddenly, Y/N feels herself clench tightly around him and she cries out, her vision going white as she comes apart beneath him, thrashing against the blankets while her thighs spasm around his hips. Her back arches sharply, somehow pressing her harder against him, and Sanemi cries out her name in a broken shout. He comes and she loves him, and she loves him, and she loves him.

He collapses against her, and Y/N thinks she could die happily crushed beneath the full weight of her lover’s body. She almost cries again when he moves to pull out of her, wincing at the empty cold that fills her, leaving her only with the sticky warmth of their mixed pleasure between her thighs.

But Sanemi does not move off her completely. Instead, he shuffles himself down between her legs until his head comes to rest against her stomach, his arms still wrapped around her as they lay on her futon, both still panting as they calm their breath. Y/N’s fingers move on their own to stroke his mop of white hair as it rises and falls against her belly with each breath she takes. He presses sleepy kisses against the soft of her belly and nuzzles his face against her sensitive flesh; and though she can feel his hot seed beginning to ooze out of her, this somehow feels more intimate.

“Stay here with me tonight,” she murmurs, fingers lightly scratching along Sanemi’s scalp as he hums in contentment against her skin. “Let me take care of you.”

Sanemi does not answer her, instead just settles harder against her, and she knows that he won’t argue; he’s feeling far too vulnerable to pull away from her now.

Though the enormity of the night’s casualties still threatens to suffocate him, Sanemi thinks it might be a little easier to breathe now that he’s here, with Y/N warm and soft and alive beneath him.

And so, Sanemi sleeps.

Promises

Sanemi Shinzawaga & Male!/Pronouns Reader--- Spoilers of Final Battle Arc

Words: 2,110

Summary: The relationship between (__) and Sanemi could hardly be called that. After the defeat of Muzan Sanemi will try to form a link with (__).

Written Curse: Use of (__)! Third person! I'm not an english native speaker so I support on translators!-- I felt poetic lol-- Guys maybe i won't be able to post for a time thanks to school, but i'll do my best to keep sharing my stories, thanks for all the support! See ya Darlings!

The whispers that the wind created as it collided with the petals at the gloomy dawn never seemed to take shape in the young man’s ears, more focused on his duty and survival than on the messages given to him. Two years had passed since that moment that changed his life so much but time passes fast for a short being, he could not afford to stop and observe details, listen to the least that was not killing. Sanemi Shinazugawa, pillar of the wind, he had taken a pupil, a tsuguko. Despite having been very against it at first, he taught him in a harsh and cruel way, just as the world would be with him if he decided to continue and he did so.

Now; being officially a member of the demon slayer corps, he took missions one after another without any rest.

Today the boy had returned to the estate of his superior, without waiting for him to be in the place he put his katana in the designated place and walked to the open area of the place. As he approached he could hear the fluid movement of a katana and others, when he arrived completely he could observe Sanemi training with great concentration so he did not pay attention to the pupil who simply bowed and greeted. Nothing, not even a look in his direction so he sat down and waited for the session to end. After a few hours Shinazugawa sheathed the katana and walked to the door next to the boy, the boy raised his head to look into the face of the other “Why don’t you train instead of sitting like a useless one for hours?” his voice rumbled all over the place with cold behavior, his gaze concentrated at the end of the corridor, his face somewhat twisted of discomfort causing his scars to be molded according to the tractions and contractions.

He just stared at him before nodding and starting to get up “Of course Shinazugawa-san” on the way to the previous point where the training had been done, both facing their backs, moving his head a little and making his jaw touch his shoulder he said to the pillar “Welcome”. The silence was the only thing that answered him before hearing steps walking away and finally ending up alone in the surroundings with a jester of disappointment drawn his own katana; he closed his eyes and took a lot of air. Again he could hear the whispers and laughter of the wind, how it got into his ears and tried to scream at him but the words did not make sense or that is what he thought, with one last breath he contracted all his muscles and prepared to move.

This was one of the many moments of interaction that both men had.

One night they ate without any words, the sound of cicadas or the movement of the leaves of the trees were the only thing that talked inside the room, the lamp illuminated what was necessary without hurting or forcing the eyes of those who were feeding, he swallowed the amount of food in his mouth and observed his pupil without expression indicating the emotion or feeling “Your skills are deplorable, this week I will have to train you again … What a waste of time” He gave a bite and watched the boy, he stopped chewing and nodded “Thanks Shinazugawa-san, I regret that my performance is not in your expectations” this annoyed the pillar who aggressively put the dishes on the floor “Do not apologize for being an incompetent” raised his voice enough to be heard outside if anyone was there but not too much to be considered a scream. The boy only nodded and continued eating, not that he accepted what he said or wanted him to continue with that thought, no, of course not, he knew very well that he was capable, that although there was always opportunity to learn and grow, it is not that he was in a place of first knowledge or practice as years ago. But in the end he was a pillar, someone more experienced, someone who had taken his body beyond the limit and had perfected his techniques, so he knew what he was saying, right? he just tried to harden him for the fatalities of his work but in the end he had an appreciation for him, even if it was minimal, didn’t he?

Their breaths had no pattern in their fighting movements, the grinding of swords a compass in the dance of the fight for the subjugation of the other, some screams were thrown by the pillar; about the talents and efforts of his pupil, of how they would kill him in the second that fought with a stronger demon, of how he was lucky to remain alive after all this time. Naturally the winner of the match was Sanemi, as the boy parted gasping trying to stabilize his breathing as well as his rhythm and heart pressure “you can’t even use full concentration breathing!” He rebuked “A pillar is your teacher and you don’t even seem to know the basics!” the boy bowed his head “Don’t lower your head when I’m talking to you, brat!” He clenched his jaw and looked up to meet Shinazugawa’s fury, his frowning and his eyes open to no more, his hands clenching the sheath of his weapon “If you follow this way I will get you out of the organization! Do you understand!?” His tone increasingly harsh and firm against him, he bowed in the form of respect “Of course master, it will not happen again, I promise” he returned to his original position and waited for the answer, for several seconds the tense air was static and everything seemed the same way, until he finally spoke “get out of here” he closed his eyes to not see the boy making it clear that if he tried to talk or engage in another interaction there would be punishment.

He bowed again for the last time before walking and leaving him alone. A knot in his throat pressed his insides, threatening to come out and reveal the emotions he felt. Apparently all his efforts had not borne fruit, maybe he was not good enough, so long with his training and not even a compliment, absolutely nothing but reproaches and reprimands, punishments and discouraging comments. Two years of his life trying to improve for the people, to help his and avoid heis suffering turned to dust and carried by the wind to nowhere.

But no person can endure such dealings for too long, at least not him, so the little relationship is further degraded over time. Now, 1 year later everyone was fighting with their lives to try to eradicate the evil that had therefore pressed them against the ground, enjoying their fear and pain.

His head was spinning as his body pricked every possible nerve, his sight barely made aware of the blurry figures in his immediacy, his ears seemed to bleed him, and his body moved involuntarily. What was he doing there?, What was happening?, For a few minutes he totally fainted until he regained it, when his eyelids opened slowly and saw the sky of dawn he felt some peace before his body forced him to take air choking through the puffs and coughed to calm his body, screams and metallic sounds finally reached his ears but did not move, he did not react, his body did not respond, that is why came to him, right, he was in a fight, a big and important fight. He had been one of the few who survived before the pillars ecountered Muzan... But now he had no idea what happened the instant he lay on the floor. When trying to move a wave of pain reached his brain almost making him lie down again but he had to do it, he had to stop and keep fighting even if it was the last thing he did, even if he did not know how he would but he would not give up, walking through the streets, with his hand hanging and the other one leaning against the wall he could see the commotion. He was quite surprised to see a great baby but quickly understood that that being was the first demon, Muzan Kibutsuji, he quickened his pace ignoring any pain or discomfort and instead anger, resentment and so on encouraged his walk.

He watched as Sanemi cut off his arm, reaching the side of the rock pillar and grabbed one of the Kakushi and began to pull with all the strength his body had, the sun and the light reaching every possible corner and burning the demon’s skin tearing apart pieces and then turning them into ash. The peaceful silence compared to the magnitude of the moment, all eyes focused on how slowly it faded until there was only the vestige of its horrors giving way to a new peace.

Days had passed since that miracle but now, there was a certain void, the space left by those who left a strong presence, a reminder that everything was real and that it always would be. His heart had been disrupted and broken just like his mind, he needed to think what he would do now that he no longer needed to fight for the lives of others and his own, everything seemed to be in a fog that prevented him from looking at the future.

In those same days Sanemi began to talk more with the boy but since he served, he wanted nothing to do with all this, less his teacher. The encounters were uncomfortable and forced, meaningless words but with intent on the part of Sanemi, sharp and one-syllable on the part of the pupil if he could still be called in such a way.

On a quiet morning the birds sang to wake everyone up just like the first rays of sun, the futon felt hard against the back of the boy and the cold of the floor was transferred to the fabrics so giving a jester he got up and accommodated the things in the room to go out and walk. At the end he opened the shoji with delicacy, the sound of his steps was dampened thanks to the socks he brought, he went to the common area with a piece of food, squatted and settled to sit with his legs crossed, he took a bite and closed his eyes. He heard and listened to the wind for the first time, the murmurs intertwined with his own thoughts traveling all over his brain, embracing each relief with delicacy.

Not long after he heard another person approaching, but he didn’t flinch until Sanemi spoke “Um, good morning,” he opened his eyes and simply moved his eyes so that his periphery could see it, he bit his tongue a little before speaking “Good morning” even though the tone of his voice did not reflect any emotion it was obvious that he was not so happy to see him or to talk to him. “You got up early” walked up to the boy and started to sit imitating the position of the boy who only nodded and finished eating “I… wanted to talk to you” started again hoping he was willing to listen but happened completely the opposite, the boy stood up and started making his way elsewhere, stopped for a moment “Why are you so kind to me now?” The words barely came out of his mouth but were sharp, not that he wanted to know the answer to his question but his mind could not help remembering all those times when Sanemi was very hard on him, even rude and arrogant, where he simply nodded and did what was asked of him without any complaints, so long trying to establish a relationship or some kind of contact that was more human.

Shinazugawa said a single syllable before boy interrupted “it’s just because you feel guilty, because you have nothing better to do” he frowned and squeezed his lips, some tears resting on the edges he continued walking until he reached another shoji, he grabbed the wood “I don’t want to see you again Shinazugawa-san, I’m leaving this place” Sanemi hearing all this stood up “It’s not what you think” swallowed saliva “(__) I’m sorry.” The boy squeezed the wood and looked at the floor “Me too” was the last thing he said before leaving the room and closing the shoji and to never returning to that place, to forget all the pain that for so long had contained in the depths of his being, letting the wind take away his sorrows and accompany him to a better place.