Show Dont Tell - Blog Posts
probably the best irl example of "show dont tell" is when you go through the video progress bar on a song on youtube and on the start of the song it says "most replayed"
Show Don't Tell - Symptoms vs. the Affliction
Another way to think of show don’t tell is to describe the symptoms rather than tell the affliction. You could say someone was close to fainting—or you could describe their symptoms and trust the readers to understand what they mean: the world swirled around her head, her ears beginning to hum lowly, then louder, increasing into a high-pitched ring. She took a deep breath, her stomach turning over itself. Etc.
Symptoms can also mean the lump in your throat as a “symptom” of being sad enough to cry, or the warmth of your face as a “symptom” of embarrassment.
That might sound a bit silly, but I find it really helpful when I’m reading over mine or others work and looking for those places where showing would be better than telling. Have you described the symptoms, or just told the affliction?
Here’s a short list of “afflictions” and their associated “symptoms” to get you started (but make sure to explore how different characters express different afflictions, even in more odd or unusual ways!)
Any symptoms I missed?
One thing I’ve learned about writing is ”give everything a face”. It’s no good to write passively that the nobility fled the city or that the toxic marshes were poisoning the animals beyond any ability to function. Make a protagonist see how a desperate woman in torn silks climbs onto a carriage and speeds off, or a two-headed deer wanders right into the camp and into the fire. Don’t just have an ambiguous flock of all-controlling oligarchy, name one or two representatives of it, and illustrate just how vile and greedy they are as people.
it’s bad to have characters who serve no purpose in the story, but giving something a face is a perfectly valid purpose.
Quick editing tip: Passing time
Hey all, here’s a quick tip about showing the passage of short amounts of time in a scene. I see a lot of beats like this:
She hesitated
He paused
A few seconds later
There was a long silence
He waited for her to answer
She didn’t respond
Instead of telling us there’s a brief moment of silence or pause in your scene, try showing us by creating the feeling that time has passed through action, description, or inner monologue. Here are a few examples.
Before:
“Are you coming or not?”
He waited for her to answer, but she didn’t respond.
“Clare? Did you hear me?”
“Huh?”
After:
“Are you coming or not?”
Clare scrolled through her phone, her face illuminating with a eerie blue glow.
“Clare? Did you hear me?”
“Huh?”
Before:
Jared lingered at the suspect’s front gate. If this guy didn’t answer Jared’s questions, he was screwed.
“Hey you!” a voice shouted. “Get off my property!”
Jared hesitated. Finally, he turned to face the man. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
After:
Jared lingered at the suspect’s front gate. If this guy didn’t answer Jared’s questions, he was screwed.
“Hey you!” a voice shouted. “Get off my property!”
Jared patted his holster. He had a gun, but he certainly didn’t want to use it. Taking a deep breath, he turned to face the man. “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
Not only does creating a pause instead of describing a pause allow your reader to feel the moment more vividly, it gives you a chance to explain what exactly that pause is about. People hesitate, pause, don’t respond, etc. for all kinds of reasons. Give us as much insight as you can into your weird quiet moment.
Of course, you don’t need to do this every single time. Sometimes it’s fine to say “he paused” or “the room was quiet for a moment”—it could be the best choice for that scene. But look back through your draft and see if you’ve used those “telling” descriptions more often than you needed to. If so, try to create the feeling of a pause—perhaps one that gives the reader a bit more information—using these techniques.
Hope this helps!