Small Angst - Blog Posts

Small fiddleford doodles

His poor son though :(

"fragile"

Jotaro x gender neutral reader

hii! it's my first oneshot I've written on tumblr. I hope it turned out ok. anyway, have a good day and enjoy the story from Jotaro's pov! he's a softie inside and we all know it

also I miiight be opening requests soon, I'll let y'all know when I'm ready<<

word count: 1981

warnings: there's that one swear word.. at the very beginning

Each day we're getting closer to ending it all. Each day welcomes us with difficulties such as stand user or other cases. And each day I can't help but notice how different they seem. They're anxious, but they smile at me, or other crusaders. They're being nice to everyone, even though they're also having it rough to fight and survive this hell of a time. Their stand heals our every wound even if it takes a lot of energy to do so. How can they stay so positive about everything like this? And why do I envy them at some point?

I'm scared of what tomorrow could bring, although I know I must stay strong for the others. It's getting harder and harder each fucking way to do so. And yet they stay happy, or at least it seems like that. As far as I know they were good at keeping secrets, especially about themselves and their abilities. After all, I saw their stand only a week ago, and we're on our journey for about a month now. After that fight with Anubis, the stand that used swordsmanship and his own strength at best he could to crush our lives, they did manifest it that day. That fight wasn't as successful as I wanted it to be but I've never been this tired in my life to even think about it. Or at least never been while on this trip. They showed their stand on impulse, as if they didn't mean it to and yet they'd done it. They healed me. I was tired and thought that another stand was after us, I got scared because how was I supposed to protect Polnareff, them or even myself at that point? However everything was alright, at least that's what they'd told me.

My mom.. what if we fail? I wouldn't be able to hear her caring voice, would I? I'm trying to be strong but it seems as if it's never enough. I'm getting tired, each day I don't think we're going to make it, but I always throw away these kind of thoughts to stay strong. After all they all rely on me, don't they? I rely on myself. I should be able to do it so.. why am I here, now?

I've never been worried this much in my life, not when I matured enough to be responsible for my actions. Why has it come to this? Me, not being able to sleep because of them, crying. It can't be real right? When have I become this soft for anyone? Weren't I afraid of being rejected before? And why do their voice rings in my head and I recall every moment they helped me get through something, even if I didn't ask for it.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of them being all nice to me. I've had enough of seeing their face they make when I make an attempt on making a joke. I hate it when they laugh at it even though it wasn't that funny. Their eyes, God how much I hate them. Behind those eyes hides no pity, only indulgence and patience. I'm sick of liking the sound of their voice, the way their eyes focus on me to make sure I'm okay. Their touch. Gentle touches, I thought only my mother could give them. Their touches aren't needy or curious, they seek my consent before doing anything. They respect me a little bit too much, I hate it so much. Especially now.

I've just woken up from that.. dream I've had. It was bizarre, that's all I know. I heard some noises next to me, that's why I woke up in the first place, right? But I couldn't just turn around and see what was behind me that was making all this noises. I knew exactly what it was, I just couldn't do it. As if I was frozen, I couldn't move nor breathe, I just listend to the way they cried behind me on their own bed that was next to mine. I begged to move, to do something, and yet I couldn't. It was frustrating, I started to panic slowly. I've never thought that comforting someone would be this hard on it's own.

Hearing them cry broke my heart. I've never seen them sad, nor with a frown on their face. Always smiling, wishing best for everyone and hoping to keep them safe. And yet here they are. They must have snapped, what other could've happened that made them cry like this? They were crying quietly, as if afraid of waking me up even though I'm already awake, yet they don't know that. They don't know I can hear every breath they take, or the way they try to quiet down their hiccups just to not let anyone hear them.

We all have a hard time being here, in Egypt. I should've let them cry, right? That should help them more than my simple words, I probably won't make a whole sentence even if I tried. Then why bother? I'll just try and go back to sleep, why should I care about that?

Yet here I found myself slowly turning to face them. It's dark, the only light that is emitting their shaking frame is the moon itself, as if it was showing me the way. It made me move on my own, as if I was hypnotised. By what exactly? I'm not sure. My chest started to hurt really badly, I had to do something. But shouldn't I not care and let them be? Wouldn't it be best to let them do it themselves? In fact, I'm not sure myself. Automatically I stood up from my bed and walked towards them, their back was facing me so they shouldn't have noticed me. Unless they heard me stand up and walk up go them? They must have really kept the watch out for me. Why are they like this? What happened to them?

They turned to me as if scared that I would hurt them. But they weren't scared of me, no. They must have been afraid of me eavesdropping on their little cries, that's what made them catch their breath in their chest and look at me while all I did was look at them back. Stunned as I was, all I could do was cough awkwardly and look everywhere else but their eyes.

"You uh.. you alright?" I said while feeling the nervousness build up in my stomach and a certain pain in my chest as I said those words. Their tears were shining under the moonlight that came through the small window we had in this flat. Yet they seemed to just be shocked by my presence, especially since I was standing above them.

They hadn't said anything. All they did was catch my bigger hand in theirs and bring me down to sit next to them. So I did, with a little hesitation in my movements.

They couldn't look at me, I saw the way they tried to look everywhere else but me, I've done that minutes ago, that's why it was easier to notice it. But I didn't judge them for it. In fact, I opened my arms and offered them silently a hug. I don't know what's going on but perhaps this could help? My mum used to always hug me when I was distressed, it did usually help me but she.. she said a lot of comforting words that came straight out of her heart. I couldn't do it, I'm not as open as my mum is.

Thankfully they hugged me back, in fact with absolutely no hesistation. I secured them in my arms holding around their smaller frame and let them cry their eyes out as if I was a shoulder they could cry on. My frowning eyes were focused on the door that was behind them, I couldn't think about anything logically. All I had in mind was this urge to make them smile again, to help them get through it all, without knowing the reason behind it. I patted their head a few times, hiding it in my shoulder while their arms were around my neck, hugging it tightly and crying together, but this time not as quietly as before.

I didn't judge them, in fact I didn't do much at all. And yet after a few minutes they broke the hug and looked at me with this gorgeous smile I wanted to see before. This smile that keeps me up at night and each time starts a fire in my heart. Am I becoming too soft for them? Old man told me about that feeling when he met grandma. It was similar to what I felt towards them now. I envied them before but now I see that we have some things in common. They're like a sea of emotions and hobbies I wish to find myself swimming in everyday, even dive in the deepest parts of it if possible. So mysterious and dangerous, I want to be able to seek for answers on their behaviour. I need to know that they're okay.

That realisation was the reason why I let myself slip a small smile, also in response to them lifting corners of those lips that said so many nice things to me, to all of the crusaders or other people I never cared to acknowledge. And now, those specific lips opened up a little to leave only a few quiet words for me.

"Thank you, Jotaro" - was what they whispered this night. I didn't do anything and yet they thanked me for it. Why did it leave a warm feeling in my chest? They were just appreciating the silence that fell between us. "It means a lot" then they added. I smiled up even more after those words, but quickly hid my face under the brim of my hat.

"Don't mention it." I told them while still having my arms around them. Since when was their touch so addictive? It's like I didn't want them to leave my arms. "Do you.. want to talk about it?" was what I said next, not being sure of what's bound to happened next.

All they did was shake their head, I didn't push any further, knowing how I myself didn't appreciate others doing it. Minutes has passed and we lied down on the mattress, it was a cold night after all, that was why we lied down together. I decided to sleep next to them that night. Why? Even I have no idea. The feeling of not being there for them hurt a lot more than one could've imagined. They didn't seem to mind me sleeping next to them so.. I believe it's alright.. for now. As long as I get to be their safe spot in those dark times, I'm sure we'll be fine.

That night I promised to keep them safe, no matter if their problems were huge, or trivial. I refused to believe that I could be no longer next to them to spend similar moments like these. That was another reason why I wanted to keep on fighting. I wanted to help my mum, save those who are dear to me and to have this ability of seeing Y/N next to me, simply having them close around and safe.

I felt their arms sneek around my waist. I smiled under my nose and put my other hand around their frame in hesistation. That feeling was satisfying. And it was mutual, I felt them relax under my hand which resulted in me taking a deep breath and surprisingly finding myself also relaxing in their touch.

That night, was also the night they both finally got a good sleep while being on this journey for about a month now.

so yeah this is it, I hope this small piece brings some comfort to your lives, cus I know things can get tough.. to anyone who needs this: im proud of you and hope youll be doing better soon! i believe in you guys so much :D and thank you for your time!