Suicde - Blog Posts
I used to feel at home whenever I talked to you. But now it’s more like when you check into a motel; familiar, yet cold and neglected.
Things Change #3 // @im.not.living.im.surviving on ig
I don't know how to do this whole "life" thing.
Everyone is always better than me at everything..
You already knew that though // @im.not.living.im.surviving on ig
I have a bad feeling that my good mood is going to be destroyed when I go back to school tomorrow...
When school vacations end so do my normal thoughts // @im.not.living.im.surviving on ig
I don’t think you will ever fall as deeply into this depression as me. Want to know why?.. Because every time you’re sad, I know exactly what to say… All the things that you didn’t.
You never helped me, but I’ll help you because no one deserves to feel this way // @im.not.living.im.surviving on ig
When you came, my nightmares turned to dreams. But when you left, my daydreams became my nightmares.
I want my dreams back
Whenever Things Seem To Be Getting Better
Me: Wow, I'm actually happy.
My Brain: ha! No you aren't
Me: What do you mean?
My Brain: Here are memories of all the things that you fucked up. Oh! Don't forget about the people that used to be a big part of your life but aren't anymore!
Me: ........oh yeah........
Maybe you wonder why. But mostly.. You try not to think about it.
Short film "ReMoved" by Nathanael Matanick
It seemed like it was always night time and nightmares and never morning.
Short film "ReMoved" by Nathanael Matanick
Sometimes someone hurts you so bad... It stops hurting at all.
Short film "ReMoved" by Nathanael Matanick
I hate watching people go down the same road as I did...
Does that make me a hypocrite?
I'm not okay but you are so it's okay.
You will always be more important than me anyways
They say suicide is never an option, but they never give you a better one.
Unknown
Everything seems so hopeless...
Looking For a Way Out
You don’t deserve to be in this mess.
I’m only going to hurt you. I hurt everyone.
You used to love me as more than a friend, but I guess things change..
Things Change #2 {via idoubtanyonecares}
And when you’re finally happy, you’re scared. Because every time you feel happy, something bad happens and ruins it.
When will things ACTUALLY get better? {via idoubtanyonecares}
I can feel myself spiraling out of control but I have no idea how to stop it.
Make It Stop {via idoubtanyonecares}
I used to be your first choice. But then she came along. I don’t blame you for choosing her though. She’s so perfect, and I’m so….Me…
No Longer a First choice {via idoubtanyonecares}
Maybe if I physically damage myself they’ll listen.
My thoughts are spirals
of feelings cross linked
with other’s perspectives.
I don’t get what you say
and you don’t get what I say.
My perceptions are right for me
But it just leads to misunderstandings,
i din’t mean to hurt you
or prick you by my words.
Its not that I don’t understand
But all I seek is answers
to questions in my head.
Maybe I should not have asked,
Shutting my mouth would have been better.
Now its all shattered like glass,
too hard to replace.
I don’t have the energy to do it.
I wish it all ended,
or rather
I wish I could just sleep
for days and years altogether
never waking up to another day
never having to deal with the chaos.
I know I’m running away
but i don’t have the strength to stand
to deal with this
I feel hopeless
I wish I could sleep
not just tonight but forever.....
schizo-wonderland
in schizophrinic symptoms people may experience….
Behavioral: social isolation, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, compulsive behavior, excitability, hostility, repetitive movements, self-harm, or lack of restraint
/he dropped the axe. Picking up the empty tea cup to bring it to his chapped lips. drinking out of a tick, not actual want. bloodied gloves smeared the crimsion fluied over the chipping, baby blue, tea cup.
“drink your tea alice…its rude to waste…” he said through a crazed grin. the people at his table slumped over and lifeless. alice in her blue blood stained dress… her head on the floor/
Cognitive: thought disorder, delusion, amnesia, belief that an ordinary event has special and personal meaning, belief that thoughts aren't one's own, disorientation, memory loss, mental confusion, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority'
/his smile was one of insanity. the grin showing every one in group therapy that jervis was now the hatter. no longer in arkham, but in his own wonderland./
Mood: anger, anxiety, apathy, feeling detached from self, general discontent, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, elevated mood, or inappropriate emotional response
/“NO NO! its ALL WRONG!” the small man yelled. scaring the tightly bound, masked, hostages. “your supposed to say, yes sir! its so very very rude alice! wehave been over this over and over!” he steps closer towrared the shaking blond headed girl. “thats it…tea party over… your ruined it ….” he muttered. pushing the knife into “alice’s” throat so he could paint the roses red/
Psychological: hallucination, paranoia, hearing voices, depression, fear, persecutory delusion, or religious delusion Speech: circumstantial speech, incoherent speech, rapid and frenzied speaking, or speech disorder
/“Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun The frumious Bandersnatch!” he whispered. clawing at his hair, pulling chunks of blond hair out. “He took his vorpal sword in hand” he muttered, taking a small razor into his shaking hand. “One, two! One, two! And through and through The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back” he cut into his wrists. his blood pouring out onto the cold floor. that shaky smile softened as he paled. the world growing cold… “And hast thou slain the Jabberwock? C…come to m..my arms, my b..eamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” darkness took over his sickened mind/
Hurt ; a poem by me
Broken ; a poem by me