Teen Wolf The Movie - Blog Posts
I need to know what kind of blackmail Jeff Davis has on Ian Bohen to make him get down on all fours and SNIFF THE GROUND IN THE YEAR 2023
Also guys… uh Eli isn’t “the middle letters of Stiles backwards” that’s so obscure, his grandfathers name is literally Elias. Elias, the one who went by “Stiles” first. Eli and Stiles both have the sherif’s father’s name
love that the coach is still an absolute mad man. only knows the names of like six of his students and they all graduated 15 years ago. doesn’t recognize derek hale unless he’s wearing all black and stalking said students by the bleachers. let’s 32 year old scott mccall play in the lacrosse game. may or may not remember that scott is a werewolf. just an absolute gem, rock on cupcake
Look, i was never a sterek shipper but there were some real strong sterek vibes in the movie...
The jeep - like why is Derek so hung up on Stiles' jeep that it's literally the emotional center point of his relationship with his son in the film??
Also Eli looks and dresses so much like Stiles. He's a sterek lovechild
The first point at least had to be intentional right?
The Movie
As someone who is a big Stiles fan, and appreciates a good Stiles-led fic.. the movie isn’t bad because Stiles isn’t in it.
The movie is bad because it should be a TV show season. It’s too complex for the timeframe. If it had been an extended film, like three hours, it could’ve been FINE.
The movie is bad because it has so much going on in the worst way, half of the characters get left behind and nobody is happy about it.
The movie is bad because Jeff Davis’ writing is questionable at best sometimes, and he’s determined to have a more confusing timeline than fucking homestuck.
The movie is bad because the lore of Teen Wolf is inconsistent and every time something is established, Jeff Davis has to piss on it.
The movie is bad because it has so many plot holes and loose ends that I don’t think will ever be tied up in a way that is satisfying.
The movie is bad because Jeff Davis seems to have forgotten all the character development we got in season six.
The movie is ‘bad’ because some fans cannot accept that it has been roughly fifteen years since the end of the show in world (not including the time skip) and they don’t like that their favourite couples didn’t work out, even though that is realistic. (Sure maybe one would’ve worked out, like stydia maybe, but certainly not all of them).
The movie is ‘bad’ because some fans will not be satisfied unless it’s the Stiles Show.
Just trying to picture Allison trying to mom Eli like, “I know how you feel, I was your age about six months ago.”
Sorry but this is so fucking funny. This is supernatural levels of funny. You take one of the shows that showed every other 2010s media how queerbaiting is done and revive it six years later just to kill one half of the ship while the other character isn’t even there, but still can’t resist adding a not so subtle reference to how ACTUALLY the fans were right and the ship was true (possibly, hilariously one sided) all along. Incredible. Truly one of the masters of the game
SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE TEEN WOLF MOVIE:
Ok so first of all, the Nogitsune's "divine move" didn't make any sense, wtf was that? They broke all the rules. You can't be a fox and a wolf
Then, there's the lousy excuse for Stiles and Lydia breaking up. The hell. I don't even ship them, but like NO. What, it was too hard to say that he was on an important FBI mission? Losers
Liam, Mason, Hikari, Jackson? What were yall doing here? What purpose did you serve my dudes? I freaking love Liam, and I was so excited for Hikari, and then they give us this. They barely even talked.
I was so confused during the entire movie, I didn't know whether or not Chris and Melissa were still a thing??
It wasn't explained properly enough that Malia was actually kind of Eli's aunt/cousin/sibling, like it took me a while to figure out he had grown up in her presence
Btw who tf is Eli's mom??? When they started mentioning Harris I was like oh we're probably gonna see Jennifer again right it's all linked, she came right before the Nogitsune it would make sense that she has something to do with his return and maybe she's also Eli's mom, like it was the most logical explanation if we think of the timeline but no, nope, Eli just doesn't have a mom!
Also what was Harris doing here? And the acting of the guy who plays him was weird (sorry to hate but not sorry it was really bad)
Allison coming back to stay just ruined her previous departure
They should have implied Thiam was a thing not give Liam a f*cking girlfriend
The way Allison came back was laughable
Why did they have to make Malia and Parrish a thing they interacted like twice
The random swearing every five minutes just because they could put it there smh
The way they explained Eli's reluctance to transforming being trauma and then Derek doing just the thing that traumatized Eli in order for him to transform and it working???
I'm so sad and disappointed we didn't see more Malia/Derek interactions it would have been f*king hilarious
Last but not least, Derek. Derek dying, after everything that he'd been through. After all the abuse and years of fighting. They pulled an Enzo St. John fr. Derek dying in the same way his entire family died. Burned alive. And the writers being like "Yeah but look it's okay he became a true alpha" IDGAF. HE PROBABLY DIDN'T GAF EITHER. MY DUDE WANTED TO LIVE. HE WANTED TO RAISE HIS KID. AND THEN HE DIES AND ALLISON AND SCOTT JUST KISS LOVINGLY LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED, LIKE ELI ISN'T CRYING ON THE GROUNG TRAUMATIZED AFTER WATCHING HIS FATHER BURN TO DEATH?!?! Also Malia was the one who had the most appropriate reaction like thank you for being the only one to be shocked and crying, queen. Your cousin deserved better
i’m not gonna lie liam somehow acquiring the nogitsune jar thing that isaac literally took with him when he moved to france and deciding to keep it on a spice shelf in his ramen shop of all places is a hilarious way to open your movie
okay now that i’ve processed the teen wolf movie i can confidently say it’s dog shit
like literally it’s so bad and it makes me so mad i watched it for eli and the swearing that’s it
the only thing i took away from the teen wolf movie is that they should have also been able to say fuck in the show
We got Allison back just to lose Derek?
love that in the movie jackson is walking around saying dumb shit like 'what do detectives even do' and then proceeds to know exactly the smell of a specific tree burning
Eli in the past.
So I had to make this, because let's be honest the movie was...I can't find the words to describe it. The only good thing about it, is Eli.
"So you are telling us…That you are the son of Derek" Stile asked unsure of what reaction he should give, he was happy for his sour wolf Did he just call me him his ? and as much as he wanted to deny the pit in his stomach but he couldn't.
It may sound selfish and heartless, but Stiles wished this was all a nightmare or that the boy was maybe one of Derek's one-night stands, or that the mother died while giving birth. Unfortunately, this was all a wish from a broken heart.
"Who is your mother?" Lydia asked when she notice how silent Stiles become, and before Eli could respond the door opened.
"Dad!" Eli happily called seeing Derek at the door, "MOM!" That earned everyone's attention.
Eli throw himself at (Y/N) and Derek who just stared at each other completely clueless about what was happening.
If Stiles was feeling awful, he just wished for one of his crushes to die.
"What is going on?" Derek questioned without letting go of the child in his arms.
(Y/N) walked to Stiles putting a comforting hand on his should as she noticed his dejected expression.
When did she get here? He thought.
"You're okay?" She asked her tone soft. Like always when she talked to him.
Okay, now he felt much worse. He stood up abruptly leaving the place before any could stop him.
"Is he okay?" (Y/N) asked, and no one responded. Not even Scott. Who knew about Stiles feeling for you two.
"I will go talk to him" Scott left giving everyone an apologetic smile.
"So…Can someone explain what a kid doing in my loft, and why is he calling me dad?" Derek raised an eyebrow completely ignoring the kid that left him to hug (Y/N), and the oblivious blush on his cheek.
"Kid, I'm sorry to say this but I'm not your mother. I'm tto young to give birth." (Y/N) explain to the kid tryingto get him off her.
"Not yet, but soon" He pointed out, smiling shiply.
"So what's your name and why are you here?" (Y/N) shacked her head putting the groceries away with Derek. She decided to take things slowly and maybe understand the boy.
"I'm Eli (last name) Mieczyslaw Hale" He happily introduced himself arms spread wide, and from your chock you let the plate shatter on the ground.
"I don't believe you!" You whispered.
Eli turns your way, lifting his shirt to show a half-moon shape on the middle of his chest.
"Impossible!" You slowly walked toward him, before hesitantly tracing the mark.
"It looks just likes yours, doesn't it?" Eli asked smiling at you. You nodded silently. You didn't know what to say or if you were even capable.
"You are my child" You hugged him, tears falling down your cheeks, with the biggest smile on your face.
The half-moon shape, that looked like a burn was a symbol of your home, you pack. Unfortunately, an accident happened and they all die. You felt it as if your heart was burning more with their soul slowly leaving each one of them.
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"So you're telling me…I married two men?" (Y/N) raised an eyebrow, passing a bowl of fruit to the boy, who happily took it grinning.
Everyone had left except you and Stiles, with a promise of giving them details later, since they had school tomorrow morning. Eli had insisted that Stiles stays, and either way, he was your ride home.
"What's with the grin?" You ask, with a smile of your own, you were still not yet over the fact that you had such a beautiful kid.
"You always prepare, a bowl of fruits with some yoghurt for me and the twins. for our movie night. Each Friday." He looked down at the bowl sniffing.
"Used?" You asked worriedly about what have happened in the future.
"You fallen into coma after your saved dad from sacrificing himself" Eli wiped his tears, before giving a smile. He was obliviously trying to hide his fellings, and even if he wasn't your child yet, you hugged him burying his face in your chest.
Your motherly warmth caused all of his hidden emotions to explode. He couldn't help himself from crying, letting everything out. All the fear and all the frustration he buried for months inside of him.
You let him, until he calmed down enough to eat his fruit, and explain. With both of the men just watching you act like mother.
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"You married dad " He pointed at Derek, who was leaning against the wall, watching from a distance while the boy was still laying on your chest "You got married when you were fourth month pregnant, at that time you were already married to papa Stiles" This seems to catch all your attention, especially Stiles.
"Papa Stiles?" You titled your head.
"Yes,from I was told you had a big fight broke between you and Dad. He said some hurtful things, so you left with papa Stiles to study aboard" He hatefully glared at his dad, before turning to you with the biggest smiles "two months later you discovered you were pregnant..Papa Stiles took the opportunaty to marry you and protect you" He left your arms to go to stiles, who hugged him back with a big smile.
I married (Y/N). Stiles is over the moon biting his lips tp stop a giggle from escaping, at the thought of you two living together, with you wearing a ring, proof that you belong to him, just as how belongs to you.
Stiles didn't look much older than Eli. They looked more like brothers than a father and a son, yet your son seem to look at him with such admiration, causing Derek to clench his teeth, eyes turning slightly yellow.
"and one night he called Dad and told him about everything. He thought he deserved to know that you never cheated on him…You may guess what happened. Dad come and demanded a DNA test, and just like you expected I was his child, and you never cheated" He took some paper out of his jacket passing it to you.
The paper had your full name, with Derek's too.
"He tried to apologize but you refuse to even see his face, but papa Stiles convinced you…Few dates from here and there and you were back together just this time with Papa Stiles, by your side." Stiles was looking at Eli with so much love it warm your heart, yet broke you, you didn't want for Stiles to feel obligated to marry you just because of you been pregnant.
You wish it was his-the child-, because to be honest you always liked Stiles, yet you never dared to express those feelings, knowing well that he liked Lydia.
"What about the twins?" You questioned.
"They are my half-brother and sister, you had them from Papa Stiles" Your head snaps to Stiles, whose jaw dropped. You turned to Derek, and he give the same reaction. Not like it changed, since Eli explained that he was his son.
Oh my God, I have twins. Stiles thought.
"That doesn't explain why you're here?" You asked, and sudenly the boy got nervous.
"After you got on a coma our family start falling apart… Espacially after grandma came back." The boy buried himself in Stiles' chest.
"My mom?" Your voice cracked and your heart skipped a beat, earning you a look of worry from both men.
"She tried to make Dads divorce you, when they showed her that she already had children with both of them, she just laughed and asked them to keep us" Your grip harden around Stiles, making him pat him softly.
"I-I…I didn't know what to do, she already had everything ready, a lawyer, evidence to show that you were forced to marry them" You frowned, before softly standing.
"That's why you came here" You concluded, before wrapping your hands around him. The three of you hugged him, giving him a little comfort.
"I was in your room looking for something against her, when sudenly I was teleported here" You closed your eyes, searching in your mind before it hit you.
"Wait here!" You run to Derek's room,and few minutes later you came back with two books in hand.
"I think you were looking for those" you handed them to Eli, who opened one of them to see writings.
"What are those?" Eli asked, "Those are my journal, from when I used to live with my mom…I think it's more than enough evidance to use" Eli's eyes lit up.
"I hide them, in Derek's room since no one will think or dare to look for them there" You awkwardly laughed, looking away from Derek, who himself didn't know that something precious was hiding in his room.
"When did you put them there?" He found himself asking.
"After two weeks after we started dating" You explained going back to you previous position, stealing your son from Stiles.
You started dating Derek, giving him a chance, when you caught Stiles and Lydia kissing.
"Oh" He simply replaied.
"It's getting late, why don't we leave. We still have school tomorow" You yawned, eyes already closing.
"Can…C-Can we all sleep together?" Eli yawned too, refusing to let you go.
You three looked at each other and shrugged, but deep inside you all were excited to sleep together.
And God knows how fast you all had fallen asleep that night. All warm, with one wish, is for this moment to never end or at least last longer, so you can all graved in your heart and mind.
Okay ummm
Why isn’t there any Eli Hale stories ??? The last one was pretty much written last year ??? I would write, but I’m not very creative. Someone needs to start writing for him …
