Text Post - Blog Posts
Beware the ides of march they say. Perhaps we should beware every month, as we the participating audience watch this pantomime play out on insta reels and YouTube shorts. Meanwhile groceries prices go higher, innocent people die trapped under the rubble of their homes and country relations are haywire，all because the man on stage wants to pretend everything is satire. And he does this while the world catches fire, calls it progress. Calls it great T.V. But will call foul play when shots are fired when the people he hurts grow tired.
In about ten minutes I'm going to receive a phone call and I probably shouldn't be making a post, because I always start freaking out just before (so rn). but I'm doing this to trick my brain into being semi productive, basically I'm getting the ball rolling and hoping I can cling to whatever motion is left for the phone call.
I usually sit in literal silence for hours before any call so that I can store up social energy and mentally prepare myself, but sometimes I instead start getting more anxious the closer it comes to the call time, and when that happens I just don't pick it up. It feels like there's a wild animal waiting on the other end but also one looking over my shoulder ready to get me if I don't pick up.
So I'm going to just make this random rambling post and hope I stay out of my amygdala. Gosh I hate this lol, I've been through way scarier things but waiting on phone calls always feel like falling down an elevator shaft.
I just awoke from a nightmare. Absolutely horrendous I tell you. There was a koala sized rat/tarantula hybrid and it kept running at me and clamping it's fangs into my hands. This being. This fiend just wouldn't let up, it was relentless, I have phantom pains in my hands. But To be fair it might have just been extremely pissed off and offended, because the moment it toppled out of a backpack, I gagged and held up a blanket like it was garlic and a cross.
I want to write about the pain of it all, I want to write about the people I qued with outside of food banks; there was an old man who looked like a wise wizard with his long white hair, he waited for a small portion of pasta most days and offered me advice on the best times to turn up, there was a group of polish men with cans of alcohol shared between them, who at first assumed I was polish aswell and tried to talk to me, but all I could say was Przepraszam, nie wiem Polski the old man told me to stand next to him after that, there was also a brother and sister who where both addicted to heroine, most days they seemed to be going through intense withdrawals. We would all wait in a old medieval churchyard, some sat on toppled headstones while others leaned against stone angels with their faces covered. I want to write about what complete isolation and poverty does to you, how eyes don't meet yours and voices talk over you. But when I do, the room goes quiet and people look away, suddenly i feel the need to awkwardly laugh and say so yeah anyway.
Does anyone else feel a bit overwhelmed when a post u make gets more notes than your used to, like there's hundreds of people just suddenly in your room looking over your shoulder at your Mediocr post and by exstention you.
Last night I had a dream where a group of three people entered telephone boxes and where transported to a white room/void space and then the women in the group spotted someone in the distance, it's seems like she had past disagreements with this person because she full on ripped their limbs off with her teeth, the white ground was spattered in red. She then turned to the two guys in the group, who had just watched casually like this was a regular thing for them and hissed "Justice!" with blood spilling from her mouth and dripping down her face. I woke up tasting iron. Anyway.
I'll do it on Monday. I'll do it on Tuesday. I'll do it on Wednesday. I'll do it on Thursday. I'll do it on Friday. I'll do it on Saturday. I'll do it on Sunday. I'll do it on Mon–and the cycle continues and nothing changes.
The bad news is that it sometimes feels never ending and apathy whispers into your ear that this numbness is peaceful and to just sink into it's depths.
The good news is that apathy is a cold filthy liar. They want you to drowned, but they don't know that happiness is always around the corner, and it will yank you out of the dark water. I swear one day you will laugh so hard your sides start splitting and the pain will leak out of you. I swear you will sing and dance and feel something other than heavy numbness, the sunrise is golden and it burns, it heats up your heart until you feel like there's something to live for and it's just on the horizon. Wait for it. Please.
Do the people we drift away from ever return to us.
When my parents spilt up I didn't see my dad for months, during this time I would spend nearly every day playing with my friend Kelsey. We would get our hair caught climbing trees or make terrible perfume from her neighbours flowers. One time she pulled out a box from under her bed, it was filled with snails of different sizes collected from her garden "we're going to colour the shells". So that's what we did, we gently coloured around 20 in bright orange, red or purple, after that we put them near a tree by her house. We did all this to see if the same ones would come back, we thought at least 5 would. Weeks went by and we didn't see any colourful shells in her garden, they had moved on. Sometimes people leave and they don't come back, but you still hold the memories close, you still carry their mark on you and maybe they carry yours too.
Maybe somewhere out there, there are snails with brightly coloured shells and maybe carrying a piece of someone with you is enough.
I went to an all girls secondary school, I remember my mother telling my primary school teacher that there would be no boys to distract me there. That it was better and it's true that there where no boys, well no cis boys. But there where men. Men who walked up the stairs too slowly behind when you wore a skirt, men that leaned over you to correct math mistakes that didn't exist, men that made girls loudly spell out why when they needed to use the bathroom. Men that shouldn't have been anywhere near a school. There wasn't many boys to distract us, but there where men that betrayed us.
It's bonfire night. Remember remember the fifth of November. Remember a failed Act of rebellion: I remember my only act of purposeful destruction, of physical rebellion. I was 12 or 13 and you had let him back in the house again, you invited him in with a smile and avoided my eyes. So I threw a vase down the stairs, I wanted your attention, I wanted you to see that shattered vase and realise I was breaking apart. I didn't break it out of anger, I broke it in despair and desperation. I thought if I break this you'll wake up, you'll believe me. But you mocked it and laughed with him instead. Maybe you where so broken at that point, so broken that shards of porcelain and glass only looked like soft disagreement. Maybe you needed him to fill your cracks with his sharp edges.
A lot of the time I don't feel like I've matured past 16. I still feel just as scared and even more lonely. They say your twenties are when you'll feel more steady, but I feel like I'm being swung into space and there I float suffocating in the void.
I don't let myself look up what my school friends are doing now, I'm afraid. Afraid I'll find pictures of a something I missed. I remember us at 11 crowded around a school library computer, you both looked up your favourite wedding dresses most of them mermaid and lacy white, you picked out our bridesmaids dresses and talked about how we would find a colour that at least looked good on us all; I thought powdered blue. I miss being that young, when the only worries where our homework and hoping we where first out for lunch. Maybe you did get married, maybe if I log in to my socials I'll find an invite. Or maybe time has changed too much, we aren't eleven anymore. I wonder if you picked powdered blue or a mermaid dress in lacy white, I wonder if something remains the same.
Sometimes this comfort rots. Sometimes this resting mocks me (about the life I want to live).
Playing Rivals rn
tw-bugs if you wanna play 👉👈
I don’t really play comp since I always solo cue. Not great in tank, support main but I do flex
Had the idea to set up my sonic au like an ask blog. I know that probably sounds like the work would be all up to you guys for just short text answered but it would be more like the white Diamond au blog where it’s kinda story driven and has art and stuff and I’d keep info going with smurfs and my friends if no one had any asks in or knew what to ask to get the info I wanna give
That also means I might save some people’s asks for if I wanted to use them strategically to show the world and characters
I still want to do my big plot comic but this could be dipping my toes in the au waters on tumblr without commuting and introducing everyone to the au in Vite sized pieces
But idk it’s a half baked idea rn
What do you think?
How would you guys feel about a Sonic AU where Eggman wasn't the bad guy
Dear artists on tumblr,
How do you decide what to do with character art backgrounds? Leaving them white just hurts my eyes and feels boring, I like the no background look but it didn’t always save right and I can seem to send those without them turning white
I have no idea what to do with it and character art is like all I do
Immediate update I just realized that the specific example that set me off today is in fact a user and not Tumblr itself and I partially apologize, it’s still a problem but not this one specifically. That being said, WHY HAVE THEY POPPED UP THREE TIMES IN MY “FOR YOU” SECTION
I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT STUPID HEDGEHOGS LEAVE ME ALONE
Dear Tumblr,
As one of many small, faceless users on this hellsite I would like to discuss a matter of annoyance I have with your app and its ad services. I do not have a problem with the ad service itself, I understand that it is a necessity and the revenue you get from it is needed to keep the site going. No, I do not want you to stop the ads per se. I would, however like to address the elephant in the room, or should I say, the tits out, feet first, full nude, gagged and bound, AI Asian girl in the room.
I am scrolling my carefully curated tumblr feed of Sonic the Hedgehog, and Steven Universe, original artists, and that one guy who makes The Owl House comics I follow even though I have never and likely will never actually watch the Owl House, when I am suddenly and jarringly interrupted by the full image of a real life naked woman, no censorship, bound and gag ready for some adult time presumabley with the viewer which is me and I do not appreciate that. I am a child, not literally I am 24, but a child at heart the last thing I want advertised to me is literal porn. This isn’t new either. Everyday I get ads for ai porn bots with naked anime or poorly generated ladies, webtoons that show people grinding on eachother, and so much more. I still have seared into my brain an image from a year or so ago of naked Velma Dinkly showing me her vagina. There’s no censorship, there’s no warnings, it’s just naked ladies all day everyday.
I don’t know if tumblr ads are like other sites where the ads are curated to the person via the algorithm or not but if so that makes it so much worse cause how do silly sonic memes and shit make the system think I want this?
I love tumblr and I’m not going anywhere but goddamnit get yo tits outta my face
Sincerely,
Your local sexually harassed ace user
Dear Tumblr,
As one of many small, faceless users on this hellsite I would like to discuss a matter of annoyance I have with your app and its ad services. I do not have a problem with the ad service itself, I understand that it is a necessity and the revenue you get from it is needed to keep the site going. No, I do not want you to stop the ads per se. I would, however like to address the elephant in the room, or should I say, the tits out, feet first, full nude, gagged and bound, AI Asian girl in the room.
I am scrolling my carefully curated tumblr feed of Sonic the Hedgehog, and Steven Universe, original artists, and that one guy who makes The Owl House comics I follow even though I have never and likely will never actually watch the Owl House, when I am suddenly and jarringly interrupted by the full image of a real life naked woman, no censorship, bound and gag ready for some adult time presumabley with the viewer which is me and I do not appreciate that. I am a child, not literally I am 24, but a child at heart the last thing I want advertised to me is literal porn. This isn’t new either. Everyday I get ads for ai porn bots with naked anime or poorly generated ladies, webtoons that show people grinding on eachother, and so much more. I still have seared into my brain an image from a year or so ago of naked Velma Dinkly showing me her vagina. There’s no censorship, there’s no warnings, it’s just naked ladies all day everyday.
I don’t know if tumblr ads are like other sites where the ads are curated to the person via the algorithm or not but if so that makes it so much worse cause how do silly sonic memes and shit make the system think I want this?
I love tumblr and I’m not going anywhere but goddamnit get yo tits outta my face
Sincerely,
Your local sexually harassed ace user
Somehow I’ve ended up on Fakemon Tumblr and Sonic AU Tumblr and it’s giving me ideas
Ever since I started doing commissions I stopped drawing for me. Mostly because I’m in the middle of an identity crisis, and I don’t know what i want (or what people want to see). I’m trying to get back into animation but that’s slow going, I’ve all but abandoned The Breakfast Guild because it felt like no one wanted to see it, and I don’t know who I am as an artist.
I used to have ideas and now I just feel useless and boring. if you have suggestions for what I should do, I’d love to hear it.
RIP Lunchly 2024-slightly later in 2024
Instead of doing Inktober or whatever I was considering doing a form of OCtober but instead of focusing on one of mine I’d drawing someone else’s oc for each day
Thinking about trying to do that November instead but idk
Do you think Tails would have nose art on the Tornado? What do you think it would be? Would he paint it himself or would he ask Amy to do it?
Cosmo art would make sense in the X universe but what about idw or modern?
Like classic ww era art was usually pinup so probably not that but there are so many good options
Like the two hurricanes hunters planes are named Kermit and Miss Piggy and even have nose art if them
Is there like a discord or someplace for character designers and oc designers and artist or something? Idk I just want to share and talk to people outside my Unser circle (my roommate, our friend and my mom)
Maybe I should make one. Would anyone be interested in joining if I did?