The Strider - Blog Posts
Part 2 of this
The FateStuck Humans
The FateStuck humans are all fusions of John, his friends, and their guardians, made via button mashing in the Ecto Biology Lab.
Thankfully, due to the lab's nature as both a cloning facility for Carapacian Soldiers, and a means of repopulation for victorious Sburb players, the lab itself can compensate for a lack of variety in gene selection, and apply mutation where necessary to create healthy Paradox Clones, making incest impossible. Were it possible, John's button mashing would have had MUCH darker implications.
Each human is not necessarily a perfect mix of their host parent's abilities and personalities, though they may share certain qualities that flavor their own perspectives and sense of self. The cast is, as follows.
June Sassacre. Fusion of John Egbert and Jane Crocker, made by John Egbert via button mashing.
Chumhandle: dectectoBiologist
Strife Specibus: Zapperkind
Fetch Modus: Mint in Box
Herself and her Twin Sister were found by and adopted into the eccentric family of pranksters known as the Sassacres. Their grandfather, Colonel Sassacre, is the titular writer of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery. And this text in particular was the foundation of a lucrative empire of toys, prankster's guides, costumes, and puppets.
June, the heir to this great prankster's empire, is not so much invested in her destiny as a Princess of Pranks. Rather, she just spends her time (and sizable allowance) collecting and studying retro video games, merchandise, and technology. She even themed her Strife Deck after Light Gun accessories from old Shooter Games.
She's raised by a lovely pair of mothers, Mom Sassacre (A very stylish "down to business" kind of businesswoman.) and Mum Sassacre (A muscular POC harlequin who NEVER stops being a proper goofball for the Sassacre name.)
She has a strong connection to her online friends, both her human ones AND the Trolls that her bestie introduced her to, and is looking forward to playing the Prototype for the upcoming game Sburb, which will help them all to meet up and have fun adventures together.
Though in all of this, she feels a particular sense of danger. There's a foreboding atmosphere surrounding this game, and especially around her sister, who seems to know more than she's letting on…
Halley Sassacre. Fusion of Jade Harley, and Jake English. Made by John Egbert via button mashing.
Chumhandle: eschatonDisciple
Strife Specibus: Garandkind, Clawkind
Fetch Modus: Pentagram, Squiddle
June's Twin Sister, and another potential heir to their empire, though she has no interest in it.
While June was holding down the fort at their extravagant mansion on Sassacre Island, Halley and Grandpa Sassacre went to another island in Canadian territory for an expedition, Sassacre seeing connections between there and the mysterious Frog Temple that resided close to his family home.
Grandpa Sassacre dies of old age on this journey, leaving Halley to be looked after by the Family Pet, a mysterious two-mouthed white furred cat named Pounce. Halley was 6 when this happened, by now she's 13.
Pounce himself was gifted by some distant family friend, Grandpa described her as a "very blue elderly jokester." I wonder what she was so sad about?
Halley became hyperfixated on all things spooky, inspired by local Wicca culture villagers on this island practice. She considers herself a Satanist, and is actively seeking darker and darker forces to guide her on a path to glory. This has only gotten worse recently, now that she's been dreaming of a mysterious Violet City ruled by Crustaceans with black shells, which lay close to the domain of ancient primordial gods. Their guttural words are VERY soothing to her.
Nobody really knows what to make of her. Halley comes across as a girl who actively wants to seem strange to everyone she talks to, and while half the time she's clearly just pretending to be some kind of mad cultist, sometimes she seems to know MUCH more than she should.
One thing everyone can agree on, that old Puppet she carries around with her is very creepy.
The Strider. Fusion of Dave and Dirk Strider. Made by John Egbert via button mashing.
Chumhandle: daedalusDeified
Strife Specibus: Dual Blade
Fetch Modus: Clock
He has no standard name. You can try and guess what his first name is all you like, but even if you're right it makes no difference. He slashed that half of his own Placronym into dust ages ago.
The Strider lived a carefree existence under the watchful eye of his ghostbro Dave Strider, known by some as Davesprite. For the longest time, The Strider looked up to his bro as the perfect teacher, he taught The Strider everything he knows about wielding his awesome retractable double sword. That is, until a particular falling out.
One day, The Strider suddenly found his friends had ghosted him. At first he thought nothing of it, but soon he'd found his internet was having some serious problems, and it wasn't a wifi issue.
Dave, in all of this, shrugged and brushed aside any worries. He was acting suspiciously, and so The Strider suspected his weird techy ghost powers were involved.
This began The Strider's rebellious tendencies, which itself evolved into a philosophy on living. Namely, irony is worthless and genuine enjoyment is always the better way of doing things.
The Strider began genuinely enjoying bad movies, outsider art, shitty obscure soda brands (Kooba Cola is the BEST), and any and all works that go against convention.
And Dave… could not fathom ANY of this no matter how hard he tried, which quickly began to widen the gap in their relationship.
What finally got Dave to start taking it all seriously was when The Strider came out as gay, and made it completely clear he wasn't joking. That… took some time for him to process, but ultimately he accepted it.
Things were going well, and it almost seemed like they'd be bros again… Until Nannasprite hacks into their system and helps RR chat with him again, where he learns Dave DID mess with all the tech in the house, AND the TVs, AND the mailbox, and basically ANYTHING he could modify.
The reason? To hide ANY knowledge of Sburb, a game that Dave REFUSES to let his bro play, claiming that game will be the death of him and everyone he loves.
Not one to give up, and especially after being gaslit by his own ghostbro for so long, The Strider makes it his mission to play the game with his friends, the only ones he trusts.
… now what's this about "Trolls" joining the friend group?
Roxy Rose Lalonde. Fusion of Rose and Roxy Lalonde. Made by John Egbert via button mashing.
Yes you ALWAYS say the full name, she's always ROXY ROSE Lalonde. There is no middle name, and neither is an individual first name.
Chumhandle: tonicTroublemaker
Strife Specibus: Fistkind, Seltzerkind, Needlekind
Fetch Modus: Bottle
She's an aspiring Pranksmaster, and one of the few folks who know how to ACTUALLY use Prankster's Gambit as a battle system. She even has an alternative leveling system to work towards a powerful Joke Build, a "Low Tier God Tier" if you will.
With her understanding of Prankster's Gambit, and her wide array of Strife Weapons, Roxy takes fun and games VERY seriously, like competing in an arcade tournament with the joke character.
As to be expected from the girl raised by Nanna and Jaspers, a girl's bound to go through life on weirder paths when a grandma and tentakitty ghost are her parents.
She's a wizard at tech, a chemist of Tonic Mixology, a bundle of pure charisma, AND she introduced her friends to the Trolls!
That story aside, she's also kinda-sorta an heir to the Betty Crocker company? Apparently Nanna did some kind of "hostile takover" back in the day. And apparently that also ended in saving a stray cat? (Not Jaspers.) Anyway, now Nanna can buy out obscure brands and keep them on the market! Which is why EVERY subscription to the brand for monthly goodies comes with a free crate of Kooba Cola! (Whether you want it or not.)
She loves soft drinks, has her own dedicated """bar""" fulla fun mixins and syrups. She's staunchly against booze, even when she grows up she'll never partake, that's her solemn vow.
Plus, the extra seltzer makes for great spare ammunition! Efficiency always has a place in puns and pugilism.