Bluejay stared down at the body in the bed, an emotionless expression on her face. Cosmo had finally passed and suddenly Bluejay was faced with everything that had led up to this moment, from her birth to Cosmo’s sickness, and now here. She felt many things- distraught mostly, but she also felt a strange sense of calmness. The kind of calm that comes with the answer to a question you’d been asking for your whole life.
It was no secret among her friends and her siblings that Bluejay hated Cosmo, to the point she even refused to call the woman her mother. Most of the time, if someone asked, she called her her ‘birth mother,’ not that that helped much either. She didn’t feel like she had a mother. Sure, Winter raised her and her brothers and sisters, but she wasn’t motherly. She was a caretaker.
Not a mother.
And it took Cosmo’s final breath leaving her body for Bluejay to realize why she’d done this. She had always resented her real mother for not caring for them beyond preparing them- her sisters, specifically, Cosmo couldn’t care any less about her sons- for the throne. The classes and disappointment weren’t out of love, they weren’t because she was their mother and they her daughters; it was because she had to. And Bluejay hated her for it, and she would continue to do so. No matter what she felt watching her in the eerie stillness of death.
There was a reason now, and it wasn’t because Cosmo hadn’t loved them. She had, but it was too dangerous to show it. Standing there, watching her mother, Bluejay felt no sadness. Quite frankly, she didn’t feel anything about her mother being dead.
She was distraught because this meant it was now her responsibility to care for the country and its people.
And suddenly, she wasn’t ready.
Bluejay barely recognized the sound of the door shutting before realizing she’d left the room. Shaking her head, she didn’t think as her feet led her to her comfort space.
Azrael. Rosemarie. The two doves amongst a flock of pigeons in Bluejay’s humble opinion.
“Hiya, Bluejay!” Rosey chirped as soon as the door to the two girls’ home opened. Since Bluejay couldn’t live outside her designated floor, the other two got their own home on Azrael’s level so Bluejay could visit whenever she needed to.
Azrael’s head appeared from the kitchen. “You aren’t looking so good, dove, why don’t you sit down? I’ll bring you some tea.”
“Thanks,” Bluejay breathed, tired eyes landing on Rosey lounging across the couch, the book she’d been reading now face down on her chest.
“Hey, what happened?” the pink-haired girl questioned, her bubbly happiness vanishing the second she noticed her friend’s face. “We’re here to listen, any time.”
“I know,” Bluejay murmured, laying back on the couch with her eyes closed. “What are you reading?”
Rosey was quiet for a moment before answering, likely noticing the change of subject. “It’s The Tails and Tales, it’s a collection of fairy tales. The original ones meant to scare kids.”
Azrael entered the room with a kettle and some cups. “Those kids have it so much nicer these days. No more terrifying stories about why you shouldn’t try flying earlier than you’re meant to.”
Rosey snorted. “That’s just because they know better now.”
“We were dumb kids,” Bluejay huffed, her laugh nearly humorless. “Only takes seeing your siblings or cousins falling to their deaths a couple of times before you realize what not to do and teach that to your own kids.”
Warmth spread across Bluejay’s face as a piping hot cup of tea was held underneath her nose. She thanked the beautiful ginger quietly as she took it, relishing the warmth of the cup in her hands.
“Are you gonna talk about what’s wrong or do you just want us to be here?” the girl asked, her voice as soft as the expression on her face.
Bluejay sighed. “You can’t mention this to anyone else until it’s officially released, okay?” The two females nodded. “My mother just died, about two hours ago. Before you say anything, that’s not why I’m… not happy.”
“Then what’s making you unhappy?”
“Well, since Cosmo is dead, there’s a need for a new Queen, which, me being the oldest, falls onto my shoulders. And I don’t want it.”
Rosey sat up and turned to face Bluejay. “Why not? Everyone dreams of that kind of stuff.”
“Well, yeah, it’s all well and good until you realize the true responsibilities that come with it. The whole ‘heavy on the heart but light upon the head’ kind of thing.” She sat back further into the cushions. “No one in history has declined the throne. Makes it hard to say no. But I don’t want it. I bet I’m not the first, everyone else was just a bunch of cowards, too afraid to be the first.”
“Then be the first.”
Bluejay’s eyes looked to Azrael’s, searching for any ounce of uncertainty. But there was none. Only clarity. Confidence.
“Every day, I strive to be like you,” Bluejay smiled. “Winter’s gonna strangle me when she hears this.”
“Don’t think about Winter, or anyone else really.” Azrael’s hand gently tugged on one of Bluejay’s ears. Clarity. “Think about yourself, how you feel, and what you want. Don’t let what others want dictate your future. It’s not selfish to yearn for something else.”
Bluejay was desperately holding back tears. “Stars, you gotta stop that kind of stuff. I’m gonna cry.”
“Cry, then,” she shot back with joking cruelty. “It’s not shameful to have emotions, you know. And you know I’ll never stop. You’re my friend, it’s my job to know you practically more than you know yourself.”
Cosmo hadn’t kept her distance because she didn’t love them. She’d done it so they wouldn’t be blinded by grief before taking the throne. And that wasn’t the kind of future Bluejay wanted with Azrael.
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