taking a behavioral pharmacology class for my psych degree? no. taking a behavioral pharmacology class to write a scientifically accurate matt engarde overdose.
How they drew Matt in AA is really just like so funny to me because in what world does he have the dorito body proportions that the art gave him . he's a 21 year old junkie . like yes he's got the slutty waist but broad shoulders?? nah man he's too malnourished for that
Mind boggling to me that most people don't actually recognize the true weight of what Inpax did to Matt and Juan.....
With Matt specifically you've got the age thing and the fact that he was certainly a child when he and Inpax, a whole adult woman, got together but it's not like Juan being 19 was much better. Technically he's legal when they're together. but he's a child star. and she must have known him before he was 18.
And then you get into the power dynamics of it all. Dating your manager??? "Dating"???? Being groomed to think you love the person that has a major hand in your public reputation, your appearances, your career trajectory...... Inpax didn't want boyfriends, she wanted boys—BOYS. NOT MEN.—that she could sculpt into something that benefited her. The manager of a star, that's what she wanted.
I just. I really don't think people talk about her enough. This woman was not the victim in her situation!!!!!! "Oh Matt was a bad boyfriend" . the child. the child who has spent his youth on screen. was immature and not the best romantic partner for a woman that's bound to be mid-twenties at least ? that is so shocking . i can not believe the kid is acting like how a kid would act . -_-
Anyway . Matt and Juan deserved better.
Thinking some thoughts about Matt at this fine hour of the afternoon.
- boy division by my chemical romance
- castles crumbling by taylor swift ft hayley williams
- just the concept of matt engarde with a navel piercing
- the multitude of reasons why he tries so hard to hide his scars (his body is the one thing he's got going for him and now he's screwed it up, the false promise of hollywood glitz and glamour has betrayed him)
- constant nightmares of his own body being puppeteered on a stage and he's tied down to a first row seat
I need to get over my writers block and make more Matt content dammit
Waterparks Songs That Make Me Think Of Matt Engarde because I Said So.
Hawaii (Stay Awake) — "A hurricane lives in my bedroom, it keeps me up and awake for round two. And I just wanna sleep but that's all too much."
Stupid For You — "I'll be your new favorite tune, I'll be your black cloud by June, but only when you miss the rain like I miss you. Just double-dare me and I promise now that I'll stay. It's not like you're married but I still got carried away."
Royal — "I fall in love with everything that wants nothing to do with me. I know that there's no dealing with the way I'm feeling, I'm so out of touch with everyone and everything's a blur to me."
Dizzy — "I wanna pour my feelings down the drain, but I just take another sip until my eyes drip, 'Stay the same.'"
It Follows — "Kiss me like nobody would when I was fifteen, I'm tired of the waiting and the wondering. If I could find my something to burn out these feelings, I'd cut them out completely and I'd stop this reeling."
Plum Island — "It's harder than it should be for me to be straightforward. Like even when I did, I couldn't tell her I adored her, which I know is messed up, and I know I messed up, but at least I 'fessed up, now of course it's too late—"
Blonde — "I never wanted to be thinking this loud, I never asked about the when, why, or how. I wanted privacy, routine, and everything between while they're just finding me out. I never wanted to be thinking this loud. At least it's all about you."
Not Warriors — "There's nothing in my system so I'm feeling what I feel for you. There's nothing left to miss except the shots I take and phone calls with you, and I just need you to feel it too."
Sleep Alone — "I distract myself awake but in my dreams you're playing a song. I'll tell my friends we made amends tying up loose ends in the sand. But if you want it, you can have it, you can have me in full."
American History — "We are expected, but only in the best way, to live a small time—a year: expired. We are supposed to fall into exposure, we have the biggest sparkling eyes."
Turbulent — "So fuck yourself and fuck your feelings. I believe, but not in you and me, so I'd unfuck you if I could, I'd unlove you like I should have, months before I did in the months before I split."
War Crimes — "Behind my forehead's an assortment of things I'd like to forget. I wear a smile that's about a mile wide, I'd like to sport it. It's my fault I miss my friends, I'm lonely every day."
Worst — "It was me or whiskey, now you're pissed I wasn't bluffing. Fuck it, took a couple shots, don't you dare fucking miss me. Miss Unfaithful hit the backboard breaking bed springs, so delete us from your phone and never look back, fuck you and your friends and LA."
Snow Globe — "In the daytime I get to debate myself and quiet all the evil things I say, like 'Everybody hates you, people miss the old you, they hate everything that they all changed you into.'"
Magnetic — "But you said it, I'm magnetic to the things I hate the most. I spent today insubordinate, yeah I'm fucking up, I'm recording it. I'm projecting big through a tiny screen where I'm stacking up my reality."
Real Super Dark — "I'm out of the cage and I'm on the stage, I'm dying to give you a show. I'm alienated, way overrated, here are a few of the notes: my fans are the best, they'd love me more dead."
Self-Sabotage — "What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm on my way to you, but I self-sabatoge, so I might drive my car and crash into your garage. To get away from you, I'll self-sabatoge."
Ritual — "My inner child needs a bulletproof vest and a phone that can't text and 20 years rest. Build a bomb shelter, bite a belt for the stress, never know what's next. Sleeping with my clothes on in case—goes wrong."
Fuck About It — "We can fuck about it later if you want, because we never fix the problems that we got, baby, you don't seem to like it when we talk. I guess I'll see you later."
A Night Out On Earth — "I wear my red flags like a cape, it gets so fuckin' hot under all this shade. Everywhere I walk's a toxic parade, the glove don't fit but I wear it anyway."