This Line!!!!!!!!! - Blog Posts
15/08/2022: holy shit. okay. i stumbled upon this a couple of days ago and as soon as i saw it was inspired by chemtrails by lizzy mcalpine i had to take like 15 minutes to mentally prepare myself to read it. HOLY SHIT!!!!!!! that song IS rooster. it’s him and his relationship with his dad and his grief and the weight he carries and all these frustrations. AND THEN YOU GO AND WRITE IT ALL DOWN!!!!!!!! this one was intense and so beautifully written. i haven’t read the series it’s connected to (but i wasn’t confused without context or anything like that, i feel like this could be it’s own seperate little thing) but i just might because this was so beautiful??? i’ll never be able to listen to chemtrails the same way again.
“How does he even begin to describe you? How you put all your might into your work —whether it’s Top Gun or a romance with one other actor and a piano— without any pretense, emotions running high and mind going a mile a minute at work —a delicate art of letting go and reigning it back in—, and then come home and just be… human with him.” i love the way you described acting here. a delicate art of letting go and reigning it back in!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then she goes home and she can just be HUMAN WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
“She’s pretty badass,” he smiles a little. His hand picks at the grass under his palm, suddenly nervous about what he’s about to say next. “I think she might be it.” SHE’S IT!!! YEP!!!!!!! i love it when authors make their characters say the most meaningful things in the world with such little words!!!!!!!
“He doesn’t know why he’s saying it. For celebration, having made a very big, grownup step in his life? For comfort, because he doesn’t admit it to anyone (not even to himself) but he’s so scared he’s nowhere near grown enough to do this? Maybe for reassurance, because he so wants it to be true.” i love him so much, i desperately need him to be happy. this happened to make me emotionalllll because i’m also scared of everything all the time and no matter how many years go by i’ll never feel i’m grown enough for anything. i get him!!!
“White clouds paint the sky in an array of lines. A gentle breeze sweeps across his face, and the trees nearby whisper in rustles, and Rooster swears he almost hears it.
And so he asks.
“Talk to me, Dad.” no because when i noticed at the beginning that he was actually talking to goose… i’m not kidding, i’m not exaggerating: I GASPED!!! chills all over my body. it was so smart of you!!!
“The sight he finds upon opening the door isn’t surprising —you sat on the bench, fingers working the piano keys, phone propped on the music stand— but his heart catches anyway.” but his heart catches anyway ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ love it when men are whipped and head over heels in love.
“He kisses the top of your head and sits next to you.” such a tender moment. it’s very rooster. i’m in love with him.
“It just happens to be his dad’s first (and only) big purchase for the house.” NO STOP MAKING ME CRY IF IT’S HIS DAD’S OF COURSE IT’S IMPORTANT AND OF COURSE YOU GUYS SHOULD KEEP IT.
“You pause for a moment, and he squeezes your knee in reassurance. For you and for himself.” FOR YOU AND FOR HIMSELF!!!!!!!! my favorite detail!!!! my eyes are filled with tears i swear to godddddd. this is too sweet.
“Rooster collapses his head on your shoulder, and kisses you there in thanks. For understanding. For seeing right through him and communicating it in the exact way that he would understand.” beautiful. i love love. would love to be loved someday.
“The boy who grew up there is taller now. Older. Smarter, wiser —or so he hopes. A spitting image of his father —and yet, everything he wasn’t.”
Angrier. Older. Carrying a bigger chip on his shoulder.” favorite fucking line in the entire world. ANGRIER!!! OLDER!!! CARRYING A BIGGER CHIP ON HIS SHOULDER!!! my heart dropped. you managed to put rooster into words. and even more… you managed to put bradley into words. i like to think there is a little difference between who they are on the job and who they are at home. you summarized them both. perfectly. in the most heartbreaking way possible. seriously, you kind of changed my life with this one. i’ve been thinking about it for days. will be thinking about it forever probably.
“And yet… maybe, hopefully, he’ll hold up just fine.” by this point, i was bawling. i read this around 1am (i think) so i was feeling very emotional and i just love the song you based it off so so much so it was all perfect.
“Are you okay?” your hand slips into his, so easily and effortlessly that it just feels like it’s where it should be.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
“He brings up your intertwined hands to his lips, and presses a kiss there.” SO ROOSTER!!!!!! ALWAYS SO ROMANTIC!!! THESE LITTLE DETAILS ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!
“I love you so much, you know that?”
“I think I might’ve had a clue or two?” your voice, bright and laced with humor, rings almost out of place in the solemn stillness of this house. This moment.” they are very silly i literally just got this glimpse of their relationship and i already love them. i’m so fucking happy for them.
“Will you marry me?” DUDE HOLY SHIT- I WAS NOT EXPECTING A PROPOSAL!!!!! I GASPED FOR A SECOND TIME, THIS WAS PERFECT. I’M A SUCKER FOR SIMPLE PROPOSALS LIKE THIS MY HEART GREW 3 SIZES.
“I haven’t even got a ring yet.”
“That’s fine. We can always get it later.”
“I’ll get it, not you,” he corrects firmly, and it makes you laugh. It’s the most beautiful sound he’ll ever hear, and he finally pulls you in for a proper kiss. It’s not planned, it’s far from perfect, but he wouldn’t ever have it any other way.” HE’LL GET IT!!!!!!! HE’LL GET THE RING!!!!! OH PLEASE STOP!!!!!! ADORABLE!!!!!! HE’S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!
i feel this is almost a character analysis of rooster in a way. of who he could grow to be as well. he’s such a complex character and every retelling of his is always so so sad that it’s heartbreaking because he’s a really tragic character at the end of the dag, we can’t really change that, you know? so reading this, KNOWING IT’S BASED OFF CHEMSTRAILS FOR GOD’S SAKE, feeling all the grief he carries, and then you go and give him these very tender moments filled with love made my heart almost burst out of my rib cage 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞 it was beautiful and i’ll treasure this forever!!!!
i’m almost scared to ask because this song kills me but i just need to read this fic for blurb week- chemtrails by lizzy mcalpine?
bro i gotta admit... this is killing me too. i cried basically the whole time im writing this, but i hope you like it bc im pretty happy with how it turned out. also! the music here is extra special bc i sang and played it myself <333
warnings: fluff, grief, this is very goose and rooster-centric, im just a big ball of mush guys <3
***
“Man, I forgot how nice it is out here.” Rooster leans back, hands propping himself up as he sits cross-legged on the fresh green grass. The clear blue sky sprawling over his head. Maybe it’s the peace and quiet, maybe it's the fresh air, but this is one of the few places where he can actually…
Breathe.
“We’re nearly packed up now. Found this nice place in San Clemente with a nice deck out, maybe even a fire pit —you’re gonna love it,” he chuckles, resigning with the fact that he’s excited about the stereotypically dad stuff now, like decks and barbecues.
“Yeah, it’s a bit of a drive to North Island, but we wanted a place somewhere in between there and LA.” It was an extensive discussion to say the least. You work in completely different fields with equally grueling and unusual hours —if not days, or weeks, or months. “I thought maybe we should keep our own places, so she can be close to her work and I can be near base, but… I don’t think I’d want it any other way?”
He’s already away from you so much. What’s an extra hour-and-a-half drive if it means he can crawl into bed and fall asleep in your arms? He wouldn’t want it any other way.
Not when it comes to you.
“She’s great, by the way,” he perks up immediately at the thought of you. “She does these musicals that Mom liked, and actions and all these cool stuff —I’ve even taken her flying for one of her movies. She’s, uh…”
How does he even begin to describe you? How you put all your might into your work —whether it’s Top Gun or a romance with one other actor and a piano— without any pretense, emotions running high and mind going a mile a minute at work —a delicate art of letting go and reigning it back in—, and then come home and just be… human with him.
Kind, caring, funny, imperfect, human.
“She’s pretty badass,” he smiles a little. His hand picks at the grass under his palm, suddenly nervous about what he’s about to say next. “I think she might be it.”
He doesn’t know why he’s saying it. For celebration, having made a very big, grownup step in his life? For comfort, because he doesn’t admit it to anyone (not even to himself) but he’s so scared he’s nowhere near grown enough to do this? Maybe for reassurance, because he so wants it to be true.
The earth below him is warm. Steady. The grass layers as a soft place for his hands to land. For his body to ground. White clouds paint the sky in an array of lines. A gentle breeze sweeps across his face, and the trees nearby whisper in rustles, and Rooster swears he almost hears it.
And so he asks.
“Talk to me, Dad.”
******
His childhood home, a modest two-bedroom with white-paneled front, sits on a quiet street in the suburbs of Virginia Beach. The maple tree out front has cuts and carvings on its trunk from when Rooster got into throwing knives (a hobby his mom had an ulcer over), and a broken branch from when he installed a makeshift swing and tried to get himself and two other friends swinging on it back in 8th grade. He hears the piano playing as he walks up the steps —the old, secondhand upright that’s a little out of tune now.
The sight he finds upon opening the door isn’t surprising —you sat on the bench, fingers working the piano keys, phone propped on the music stand— but his heart catches anyway.
“Still think we should keep it?” he pats the flat surface on the top, leaving his keys and his sunglasses there.
“Oh, definitely. This baby…” you thoughtfully stroke the lacquered wood finish, “She’s a gem. Nothing a little tuning can’t fix.”
He kisses the top of your head and sits next to you. Both of you know there’s nothing special about this piano in particular. Not when it comes to its sound or feel or anything taken into consideration for an instrument.
It just happens to be his dad’s first (and only) big purchase for the house.
“Hey, uh…” you pipe up gingerly, “I wrote something for you. May I…?”
You may be a lot of things, but shy isn’t one of them. At least not with him. He just throws you a funny look. “Babe, of course. What—”
“Okay.” With that you shift into a straighter position, fingers hovering just above the ivories. You’re quiet —hesitant, almost— before you play the first line. Pressing just one key at a time.
“I see chemtrails in the sky, but I don’t see the plane.”
Rooster’s breath catches in his throat.
“I know the feeling, but I don’t know the name.”
A simple melody, floating like a question, and he doesn’t understand how you could explain it before than he himself does.
“I still play with my food, and then I… throw it away.”
An admission so simple, it almost sounds childlike. You pause for a moment, and he squeezes your knee in reassurance. For you and for himself.
“It’s so hard to believe I had to grow up this way.”
The piano picks up, a simple sustained pattern, and he can hear you try to keep the emotions in your voice at bay. A valiant effort that even he fails to do at the moment.
I moved out and I made some new friends
Sometimes when I shout it feels like no one hears it
And there are some days when I that somewhere you’re watching
As I grow up without you
I miss it, I miss you.
Rooster collapses his head on your shoulder, and kisses you there in thanks. For understanding. For seeing right through him and communicating it in the exact way that he would understand.
For letting him know that his dad’s listening.
The childhood home, now bare —save for stacks of moving boxes and an old upright piano in one corner of the living room— sits quietly in the suburbs of Virginia Beach. The boy who grew up there is taller now. Older. Smarter, wiser —or so he hopes. A spitting image of his father —and yet, everything he wasn’t.
Angrier. Older. Carrying a bigger chip on his shoulder.
And yet… maybe, hopefully, he’ll hold up just fine.
“Are you okay?” your hand slips into his, so easily and effortlessly that it just feels like it’s where it should be.
“Yeah,” he answers, heady and dazed. He brings up your intertwined hands to his lips, and presses a kiss there. “I love you so much, you know that?”
“I think I might’ve had a clue or two?” your voice, bright and laced with humor, rings almost out of place in the solemn stillness of this house. This moment.
But it’s not. It falls perfectly in place as life breathes back in, a familiar little laughter shared between the two of you. Warmth in the face of grief and hurt and loss.
He straightens up and takes a good look at you. He’s not sure why, but at the moment, it feels right. And as it falls out of his lips, he doesn’t feel an ounce of regret.
“Will you marry me?”
And he’s not sure whether he should be more surprised by his question, or the fact that you answer so easily, so surely, so matter-of-factly. “Roo… Of course.”
“Yeah?”
You nod.
“I haven’t even got a ring yet.”
“That’s fine. We can always get it later.”
“I’ll get it, not you,” he corrects firmly, and it makes you laugh. It’s the most beautiful sound he’ll ever hear, and he finally pulls you in for a proper kiss. It’s not planned, it’s far from perfect, but he wouldn’t ever have it any other way.
Romano: You killed the love of my life!
Spain: I’m the love of your life?
Romano: I don’t know, I’m still angry at you!