Bart: This is totally absurd!
Tim: No, it’s really not.
Kon: This is for your safety.
Bart: Oh, What, next you’re going to tell me that skateboarding on top of titans tower on a ramp I made myself is “Dangerous”. Psh…
Kon and Tim simultaneously: YES.
Tim, Bart and Jason all hanging out:
Tim on his phone: ...
Jason, braiding Bart's hair: ...
Bart happy about the attention: *speedforce actin' up*
Jay: Did... did you just fucking purr?
Bart, panicking: uhhHHHH EVASIVE MANUVERS! *full force slams a tissue box in Jay's face and runs away*
Have you considered JayBartTimKon polycule?
Bart being loved by everyone
I would like to see it
OMA Okay, so, YES! I have! I’m a fruitful believer in TimKonBart, but after building the foundation of JayBart, it’s been on my mind non-stop. Starring: Kon being the hotheaded-himbo™, Tim as the Idiot with brains, Jay as the Classy Motherfucker, and Bart as the glue that they literally all depend on and will fight(kill in one case) anyone for. Bart is totally oblivious to his role.
How their polycule works in my mind are like so 💕 (Side note: a Polycule is a network of people connected in a large scale relationship, but not all persons are connected the same way for those that don’t know)
All three Jason, Kon, and Tim have a current romantic relationship with Bart. Kon and Tim are primary partners to each other, with Bart occasionally joining their group. Jason and Kon are more distant; their standpoints vary on each other depending on mood and day. Tim and Jay are brothers, adoptive or not, so there's no relationship other than platonic; I don’t ship any batcest.
Some common occurrences with these roles:
Bart, casually suggesting to Tim and Jay, on separate occasions, that they should work things out and the story is a lot deeper than it may seem. Jay gets pouty about it for a week, and Tim puts it off until he can’t stop thinking about what Bart said until surprisingly, Jay calls him first. The moral of the story, they all take Barts's opinion of them VERY. SERIOUSLY. When it happened after a week, he figured he had nothing to do with it since it was muuuch longer to his perception of time.
Kon and Tim get into another argument because Kon’s being stubborn™, and Tim is also stubborn. So as Bart does, he becomes stubborn about people getting along. He approaches Tim first, giving Kon time to cool off and him an opportunity to catch Tim off guard while he’s sleep-deprived. He talks in his usual upbeat way, asking questions on top of questions faster than Tim can answer so Tim tries answering everything, not even able to process their questions about the argument that just occurred. After he’s satisfied he goes to Kon, knocking on his door politely (something he didn’t do with Tim) and when he’s invited in, he lays out Tim’s side of the story in a much more emotionally heartfelt way that Tim usually isn’t able to put into words. He then leaves and lets them apologize to each other.
The first time Bart dies, and then closely after with Kon’s death, with Tim going through his phase into Red Robin, Jay actually COMFORTS him. For the first time. When Bart did come back, he saw that they got much closer and Jay’s excuse was “You fucking DIED. Never do that again.” and they cry. (Too Bad Bart dies four more times after that)...
I have sooo many ideas on this but I hope you’re satisfied! ❤😊
Bart: *holding a piece of pizza but staring at Tim*
Tim: what?
Bart: just debating if i wanna eat this or kiss you rn.
————————
Kon: morning Bart.
Bart, without skipping a beat: you look great today. New hair gel?
————————
Jason: why are you so close-
Bart: nothin’. You just have really pretty eyes.
You cant tell me he wouldn’t.
Tim: Bart, progress report.
Bart: *goes into a long and detailed spiel about the mission word for word how Tim wrote it looking bored the entire time*
Tim, in the middle of battle: I need the file on [insert villain name]
Bart: *recites the strengths and weaknesses off the top of his head like a pro*
Bart: Wally and I had a fight.
Tim: I’m sure he didn’t mean it.
_
Bart: Wally and I had a fight.
Kon: did you win?
-
Bart: Wally and I had a fight.
Cassie: next time, go for the eyes and then strike the throat-
I just imagine how Jay and Bart meet being something stupid.
Bart’s visiting the manor to chill cause they understand his trauma and pain better than any of the flashfam, who also kinda disowned him.
They started a harmless “drink if you have” game and so it begins.
Jason, being a little shit that likes making people uncomfortable by bringing up his death: alright. Drink if you’ve died.
*both Jason and Bart take a shot* (obviously Dami can’t cause he’s underage and not playing)
Duke: dude, you died?
Bart: *shrugs*
*room is silent for a bit*
Bart: *nervous sweats*
Bart: alright so, drink if you’ve been to space-
So on so fourth.
*In the middle of a briefing*
Batman: Our target is a man by the name of Percy Dunn, he's the gangs runner and will be the most likely lead to the main operation.
Bart: Percy Dunn? The Lightning Thief.
Tim: That's Percy Jackson, Bart.
Kon: You don't feel anything?
Tim: closure. Indifference... Hunger.
Kon: Wow, you're like a robot.
Tim: Thanks, I got the same comment on my tinder.
Bart: So have you told Dick about us?
Tim: What? No. That's like posting it on my Facebook page... if I had a Facebook page.
Tim: or had any desire to share intimate life details with people I'd avoid on the street.
Kon and Bart: *eating insane amounts of Pie*
Kon: Tim, you gotta order a piece of this pie.
Tim: I did. You guys immediately ate it.
Kon: What would make you possibly believe I have any idea that I knew where this "wolf" is?
Tim: Oh, well first off, somebody called in an anonymous report that some masked teen was flying through Metropolis with a moving tarp. Secondly, I'm dating you and I know when you're lying and third, there's around 300 packets of tarter sauce on the doorstep.
Kon: You're right... I'll start watching my cholesterol.
Tim: Kon.
Kon: Bart was here?
Tim, walking to a walk in closet and opening it so the wolf tumbles out: Kon.
Kon: ... Whaaaat? Bart must've... hid that... there. Without me knowing... Crazzzy.
Bart: I'm the best observer you know!
Tim: Last week you thought that a sponge in the tower was an owl.
Bart: If you'd stop buyin' ‘em in bird colors, that would stop happening.
Bart, trying hard to be the distraction: I'm so sorry about this. It's my assistant that makes all the reservations, and she's been under heavy medications. She was recently diagnosed with Parvo.
Bad guy: Isn't that a dog's disease?
Bart, watching Tim sneak behind the desk: Yes, yes, it is. My assistant is a Golden Retriever. Adorable, but dim. Her whole keyboard is just three big buttons. She has very large paws. I should have fired her years ago, but she's a rescue and I just didn't have the heart.
Tim: Alright, I hope you all payed attention to my presentation. Bart, how can you tell that one is a compulsive liar?
Bart: Assuming that their pants aren't on fire.
Tim: Bart, this is serious.
Bart: I'm being completely serious.
Tim: Comm check. Red Robin.
Kon: Superboy.
Cassie: Wonder girl.
Bart, in autotune: Impulse.
Everyone: ...
Tim: Bart, please tell me you did not-
Bart, still in autotune: Hack the commlink and program it in autotune? ...No?
*Tim sighs heavily*
The only reason there is cameras set up in wayne manor is to make commentary on Nerf wars. The announcer sits at the batcomputer and commentates on everything.
They also like to play irl Five Nights At Freddy, Flipping through the camera, and it's kinda like red light green light. Whenever a camera is in use, the little red light goes green and all movment in that room must stop. If it goes off again they're free to move about the room.
Change my mind
A lot of the times speedsters have a certain something about them when they sleep that's caused by their powers. For Barry it's sleep (speed)talking, for Wally it's exsessive figiting, but Bart has a particular case.
Bart tends to get very emotional and when he feels extreme emotion his powers react with him and he starts to vibrate uncontrolably. This is normally a problem. But When he's asleep, he feels safe and happy, so much that his powers react but it's normally a small controlled vibration but enough that when he breaths it comes out choppy.
I repeat: BART ALLEN PURRS IN HIS SLEEP
It was noticed, and recorded durring one of the very first core four sleepovers by Tim, our notorius Insomniac, that overheard.
Just when everyone thought Bart couldn't get any cuter, that video 'mysetiously' surfaced on the phone of everone they knew.
Damian : You use emojies like a straight guy.
Tim : It's literally the worst thing you ever said to me.
Bart: *has a straw in his french fries cup and trying to drink from it*
Tim: What happened to him?
Kon: He learned about Star trek and has been awake for four days to watch the series and all the movies.
Tim:...
Tim: The /whole/ series??
Thad: Ever hear of Guy Fieri?
Bart: No? I don't think so.
Thad: How unfortunate for you.
Thad: He was an especially degenerate piece of filth.
Thad: He used his connections and guile to wriggle his way into fame, and other positions of power.
Thad: He somehow landed on the U.S. supreme court. Over the years, other Justices started mysteriously disappearing without means to replace them.
Thad: After helping rewrite the constitution to form an incomprehensible patchwork of fascism, theocratic mandates, recipes, and bad rap lyrics, he weaseled his way up the ranks to become the High Captain of Interstellar War.
Thad: I'm going to cut to the chase, cause really this doesn't need to be a full History lesson. Especially with your attention span.
Thad: He eventually came to be regarded as the third and final antichrist.
Thad: No human in history was responsible for as much pain and suffering.
Bart: Is that why REACH attacked our planet? Guy Fieri, High Captain of Interstellar War?
Thad: Yes.
Bart: ;-;
___________________________________________________________
-Kaldur joined the chat-
-Batman joined the chat-
Wally: Mom?
Dick: Mom?
Kaldur: Wait, If you're mom
Kaldur: and IM mom
Kaldur: Then who's flying this plane??
Wally: I change my mind, I want a new mom.
___________________________________________________________
Jay: Hello Tim
Tim: Hey Jay
Tim: How's the best brother in the world doing today?
Jay: Best brother in the world, hmm?
Tim: Of course, who else could I mean?
Jay: What is it you want from me?
Tim: You know what I want, Jay
Jay: Money? Affection? For me to write your essays?
Tim: its all I've ever wanted from you
Tim: *he leans in close to him and gently strokes his face*
Tim: *whispers* I want my fucking coffee back.
Jason: Hey, I wanna tell a joke.
Tim: ?!?
Dick: Ok?
Jason: What did the kitty cat say to the clown?
Dick: what?
Jason: I'M GOING TO DEVOUR YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS, YOU MURDEROUS SON OF A BITCH.
-Damian has left the chat-
__________________________________________
Bart: Holy Shrap
Kon: yeah
Tim: What?
Bart: so uh I need to borrow apples
Greta: Okay *opens her suit coat and infinite apples pour out*
Cassie: Oh my gods.
Greta: How many do you need?
Bart: 4
Greta: I have them all
Greta: I own all apples
Greta: take as many as you wish
Bart: Incredible
Greta: Isn't it just
Bart: *inhales the apples* fantastic
-Tim has disconnected-
-Kon has disconnected-
____________________________________________
Jay: roy, help
Jay: i broke my fucking caps key
Roy: Whats wrong dude?
Roy: oh
Roy: ha
Roy: youre so calm
Jay: shut the hell up and help me you god damned fruit cup
Roy: hahaha
Roy: its so weird
Roy: youre trying to yell at me
Jay: stop the ass hole antics and help me
Roy: Its like being yelled at by a librarian
____________________________________________
Wally: i mean what are regular towels even made of?
Dick: cotton
Wally: oh shit really, I thought it was wool..
Wally: okay new idea
Dick: Im sure both exist
Wally: make a towel
Dick: alright new idea?
Wally: that you can eat
Dick: what the fuck
Wally: In flavors of bubblegum blue
Wally: and strawberry pink
Wally: boom
Wally: Cotton candy towels
Dick: No???
Wally: yes
Tim: Bart, you have to stop stealing my siblings.
Bart, leaning on Dick, legs over Jason's lap, getting his nails painted by Steph, getting his hair braided by babs, and showing cute animal pics to Damian: I have no idea what you mean.
Putting the annoyed in paranoid since the day he was birthed
Tim 500% calls coffee "Anti-Murder Juice" and with every cup is another dodged attempt at everyone around him ending up in some type of harm. Depends on his mood.
If he's really pissed, broken sOmetHing.
If he's a controlled level of pissed, bruises. Don't get in his way.
If he's paranoid, probably some accidental bruise infliction.
If he's annoyed, he'll kill you emotionally.
Those cups of coffee saved lives.
Dick: You little shit.
Jason: They just like me better!
Dick: Right, and how much did you have to blackmail them to believe that you little gremlin.
Bruce: What's going on here?
Dick: Jason stole one of my best friends and Ex girlfriend!
Jason: I plead the fifth! Can't steal what you never had!
Dick: Why you-
Bruce: Dick, maybe consider that they do like Jason for his... personality.
Jason: Why you gotta say it like that?
Dick: This is ridiculous. *storms off all dramatically*
Bruce: Maybe for future reference, don't steal any of Dick's friends.
Jason: Fine, I won't steal any more of Dick's best friends. Yeesh.
[One week later]
Jason: *casually sitting on a seat enjoying hot cocoa*
Tim: *slams the door open* YOU BITCH!
Jason: *smirking* Hi, Timmy.
Tim: DoN'T Hi TiMmY mE, YoU tOoK BaRt FrOm Me hOw CoUlD yOU!
Bruce: Jason, this isn't what I meant when I said don't steal any more of Dick's friends.
Jason: You should have specified.
Tim: It costs 400 dollars to go see a therapist but it costs 0 to tell yourself "It be like that sometimes"
Kon, softly: Wha- No. Are you okay?
Cassie: Aren't you rich?
Bart: But, what if I start taxing you every time you say that?
Tim: Do you wanna die, Bart?
Bart: This is an economy, Tim. Nothing you do is free.
Cassie: Bart, who taught you that?
Bart, shrugging: I read it in a book somewhere.
Kon: uhm...
Cassie: Tim, you're literally rich, just pay for therapy.
Tim: No.
Bart: Why not?
Tim: Cause eat the rich.
Tim: Also student debt.
Bart: You're gonna eat somebody??
Kon: Bart, remember when we talked about metaphores?
Bart: That makes a lot more sense.
Cassie: You all need therapy.
Kon: And you don't?
Cassie: I punch things. That's theraputic.
Bart: What's therapy?
Kon: ...
Cassie: ...
Tim: ...
Cassie: Tim-
Tim, dialing Black Canary's number: Already on it.
Kon: Are you telling me you've never talked about your problems to anyone?
Bart: Why would I? problems are meant to be solved by yourself as a self discovering journy and bottled up emotions.
Kon: where'd you learn that?
Bart: Steven Universe.
Cassie: Guys, can we focus please?
Tim: She's on her way.
Bart: Who's on her way?
Cassie, wrapping a blanket around Barts shoulders: Shhh, we're gonna take care of you now.
Bart: But I'm fine-
Tim: There there, speed demon. You're in good hands.
Bart: ... sniffs thank you.
Kon: nods approvingly
Tim: I'm at that age where I have only one thing on my mind.
Bart: Your massive crush on Kon?
Cassie: Student Debt?
Tim: holding a birdarang Homicide.
Tim: I'm about to stab someone.
Bart: Please don't.
Cassie: slowly takes the weapon
Tim: on the couch texting
Kon: floating behind the couch watching him What are you doing?
Tim: Trying to convince Jason the get me a cool gun I found.
Kon: ...
Tim: ...
Kon: You're adorable but you scare me.
Tim: I know.