Tism - Blog Posts

the-weiner-master

1 year ago

Eeh.... yeah

served my duty as an autistic artist and made a bunch of autism creature reaction images

Is this a 'tism thing, or am I just overacting?

Hello!!! I just got back from taking a shower and also having a full blown meltdown because of said shower. For some context before we get started, my showers are typically scorching hot. A few more details include:

cold water drains my spoons in a way it has absolutely to right to.

I have curly hair (important for later)

I had attempted to take a shower already today.

I went to a baseball awards ceremony for my cousin, three resell stores, and gone swimming at a family member's house.

I've been out of spoons for the past several weeks. I cannot remember the last time I woke up and felt like I had enough to get through the day.

Okay, back to the present. I get home from swimming, scroll on Tumblr for a bit, then decide I'll try taking a shower again. I'd tried already this morning and no matter what I did I could not get the water to heat up, the nozzle was being weird, and I was low on time. I threw my hair into a brain, deciding it wasn't a battle worth fighting. I went to the ceremony, had some fun shopping with my mom for the first time in a while, and had a great time swimming with my siblings. Overall, it was a great day, but even things that make you happy can take up your spoons (or so my therapist said), and it checked out because I was pretty done with all the excitement of the day. I love Saturdays, but they're me time, and I don't really like having plans when I should be reading dark romance novels and marauder fanfics to scrape up what little energy I can manage. I decide to try out my shower again, hoping that maybe it was just a one time, leave it alone for a bit and it'll be fixed thing.

It defiantly wasn't.

The water was still cold as fuck and the nozzle was doing a weird 360 thing and I just wasn't having it. Still, I needed to shower. So I stuck it out for a bit and just dealt with it.

I got my body washed without any big problems (keyword big. I'd been on the verge of tears basically the whole time), but then came washing my hair. First and foremost, I was now shivering my ass off and very much done with cold water. Secondly, I'd been swimming in a salt water pool, which made my hair clump together and dense. Overall, just not an easy task to wash it. By this point, I was sobbing, clutching a towel clutched to my chest because my emotional support 3D printed T-rex was on the counter, had soap in my eyes, and didn't want to be doing this anymore, so I finished up as quickly as I could. Obviously, my hair isn't as well washed as I would like, so I'm not too pleased with that, but I have to work on calming down and washing soup out of my eyes.

I manage to calm down, but now, if I wasn't before, I'm definitely freezing my buttocks off. I speed through getting dressed, putting on the warmest clothes I have, and them work on getting products in my nightmare inducing hair.

It doesn't help, because I now have gross, sticky stuff on my hands, and I have REALLY bad sensory issues regarding my hands in particular. Still, I push through it because I'm still working on unmasking when i'm alone and not forcing myself to do what I know is too much for me. I then get more frustrated because my hair is too wet for it to defuse and I have to dry it again, with gross stickiness still on my hands, and whoops, I'm crying again because I stepped in the tiniest fucking puddle, and of course I'm at that point because why wouldn't I be?

Anyway, am I overreacting?