A minute by minute summary of my thoughts during bio class.
Countdown begin.
This ain’t gonna be fun.
Only two min in.
She’s late.
How am I already bored?
That guy’s late.
Cal/Boba handcuffed together, working as allies?
Melidaan joins Mandalorian Empire?
I’m bored.
Clones’ first time hearing music
Clones eating real food for the first time?
Clones tour temple? (Where they hear music/eat real food for first time?)
I was right. This isn’t fun.
Soulmate AU for Charles/Erik?
Erik’s POV for first meeting?
Immediate aftermath of said first meeting?
Erik and Raven visit after Cuba?
They meet babies Kurt, Warren, Jean, maybe Scott.
They miss the sign, don’t realize it’s a school?
‘Did Charles have kids?’ moment, especially after realizing Jean’s a telepath?
Jean recognizes them from memories? All recognize them from photos and/or stories?
All the guilt when Erik sees Charles.
Cells. The powerhouse of, mitochondria is.
Phospholipid. Now there’s a word to make people flip a Scrabble board with.
Nigh impossible, you’d need lipid down first, then add phospho-, but a girl can dream.
Kurt and Warren would be adorable as childhood friends
That guy’s playing Wordle.
That guy is really, really, really bad at Wordle.
People realizing how insanely dangerous Charles is?
Erik realizing how lucky humanity is for Charles’ morality? and being very attracted to that?
Quiz on Friday, 45-50 questions, 50 points. Study slides.
Erik getting attacked by another telepath, Charles going territorial, has other telepath screaming/crying on floor, living worst nightmares, clutching head and begging for it to end, while Charles is gently comforting/fussing over Erik?
That girl is texting.
Is that guy watching Gravity Falls? Great taste.
Aw, why’d you turn the screen that way? Now I can’t see it.
Quinlan switching out Fox’s caf with decaf, letting him fall asleep, tucking him into bed?
While Fox’s asleep, using Shadow Training (TM) to do paper work? (Forgery/Ability to have multiple styli (plural of stylus) filling out multiple data pads simultaneously? (Force use?)
Quinlan leaving five min before Fox wakes up. Fox finding his paper pretty much done, crying because he’s still out of it and doesn’t want to wake up?
Quinlan making this a habit when he’s on Coruscant? Stone finding out, not telling? Fox scared if he talks about it, it’ll go away? Unable to believe it’s real?
That girl’s doing a crossword. Badly.
The answer is Lobelia. “She stole Bilbo’s spoons” is Lobelia Sackville-Baggins.
Where in Middle-Earth did she get Tauriel from? Even if she hadn’t been added solely for the purpose of paying less in royalties to Tolkien’s family, even if she had existed in the book, when in the name of all that is precious and beautiful, would she have stolen Bilbo’s spoons?
I might kill myself. This is why I shouldn’t have sat in the back row.
Only 6 min left. Heh. +60, Execute Order. I know I’m not funny.
So close, yet so far. So unbearably bored.
Is this what stream-of-consciousness notebooks look like?
I have a very odd stream of consciousness.
We get to leave early? Hallelujah!!
Goodbye!
December 12, 2023 8:47 pm
Me and a friend of mine were discussing about my train of thoughts. i told my friend that my train of thoughts doesnt necessarily need to be defined as over thinking. the track of my train does go in a continuous loop from time to time but most of the time it goes straight with slight bends and curves.
I told him there were happy thoughts in here too. nice and comforting ones. and the ones that save me too. And he asked me if i could give him an example.
I told him about one of my realization thoughts i had recently. it was one of those thoughts that just stuck with me. I realized i find my cosmic insignificance very reassuring. We are always waiting and ready to be alive and do something and exist. I know I am. To the point where it drives my anxiety. Existing becomes my greatest fear. Existentialism, something i have craved from as long as i could differentiate souls and objects, becomes so horrifying. So, at times like this, it is comforting to realize that universe might just not give a shit about me. Like the universe doesn't care that i messed up that one time two days ago. and the stars dont care wht i do. i exist on my on terms so i don't owe this life to anyone. and sometimes that thought really helps calm everything down.
you will immediately turn to the right of the front door, where the dog bed was. sorry. force of habit. there is a side table in its stead. it has a cherry finish. mom has moved the radio into your room.
you keep your old house as the primary shipping address “just in case.” your new sunglasses will have come in and are waiting on the front step. the old ones broke when you were pawing through your work bag trying to find that pack of gum.
the house will be silent. it’s never been this silent for this long. every few minutes over the last 13 years, your dog would snuffle and bite at that one spot on his stomach. the tap tap tap of his toenails against the floorboards heralded his arrival. in high school, you learned to shut your bedroom door at night. sometimes you’d forget and you would wake up to the jingle of his nametag. you don’t realize you’re looking for something until you find yourself surprised that the living room is empty.
you will live out of your suitcase in your childhood bedroom and stub your toe against the new exercise bike in the corner. you forgot to put your laundry away before you left. the wrinkles that form on your favorite work blouse (the one you got for $8) will remind you of the river you learned to swim in. your cousin is going to grad school out west. you should reach out. you’ve been telling yourself this for over a year.
you will think about bringing back the lamp by your bed to furnish the living room but ultimately decide to leave it here. just in case. you will find your dog’s harness buried in the second drawer of your grandmother’s dresser and sniff it cautiously. don’t worry— the smell will linger for months. you will make a to-do list for work tomorrow and watch the sunset. you used to keep a spare pen in the desk drawer. it’s run out of ink. you thought you were done grieving.
in the evening, you will bump into your youngest brother outside mom’s room. oops sorry. my bad. mom is quietly reading in her room. your brother will continue transporting boxes from the attic. he is moving out in two days. the last time you heard the cicadas sing was also here. you can’t hear them in your new apartment. mom declared how happy she was for everyone at dinner. you thought she might be holding back tears. you wanted to ask if she would be okay by herself. you will instead ask her what she did with the dog bed.
the first time you go home after your childhood dog dies, you let the rest of the song play out before turning off the car. you text your roommate that you made it back safely and that traffic was horrible. you check your email and pin a message from your coworker. you wish mom was home already. you draft a text to your friend: i’m scared that my house won’t feel like home anymore. you add red onion to your grocery list. you should have stopped for a bathroom break an hour ago. you miss how things were last august. mr. rodney waves at you as he makes his way up the block. “how long are you here for?” he asks. you tell him just a few days. you delete the text. tonight you will sleep with the door open.
but my thoughts deceive me
my tongue betrays me
and i am once again left at a loss
for words
which come at all the wrong times
like in the bathtub
but never in the classroom or the corridor
and why is it always me they seem to blame
when i am just an existence
a small amount of energy that grows
smaller and smaller by the second
period time for math and i used to like
the universal language
but i am just a burn out now
a former child genius a gifted kid
who got lost in the fractions
of their broken mind somewhere in the space
between innocence and grief
grief for the lost past tense that they will never
ever
recover
Hero was so normal about this.
Hero was a very normal hero, with a very normal fan base and a very normal power and they could remain normal about this situation right here in front of them.
It... It wasn't exactly a surprise. Hero has always been incredibly capable, how else would they have sped through the training program and earning their license despite the suddenness of their choice?
(I mean... Having a "motivation" probably helped but even then it's still impressive.)
But back on topic. Hero has had a nice career of being a normal if skilled hero and they can remain normal in even the most chaotic situations.
They can be normal about this.
...
They can be! Don't give me that look.
They can be normal about this.
....
-Someone help why can't they be normal about this.
This is not how they thought this would go, they were expecting since sort of secret high tech lair and an epic confrontation! Not this.
Not a messy and cluttered one bedroom apartment and...
And Villain. Passed out on the couch.
They were... Concerned, let's go with, when they found them passed out in costume, window left open behind them. Hero had honestly only barely passed first aid with a makeup project done hurriedly in the last few weeks and they were not confident that would be reliable if Villain was injured.
Luckily, it seemed they were fine, if a little bruised. Just tired.
But that leaves Hero freaking out about how to react to this discovery.
Backtrack? How did I get here? Why did this happen?
Better then panicking they guess. Sure, let's do that.
Wait but did this start Wednesday or this Morning? Cause technically this all started with-
Focus, Hero! Focus. Relevant recaps only.
Hero was relatively skilled at tracking. Or- well maybe it's defined as locating? Idk, they're good at overanalyzing crumbs of information and finding guesses of people's locations. Wish they could say Hero training thought them but really it's a skill from childhood. Don't worry about it.
(They are not a clingy friend, don't listen to a word BFF says.)
Regardless, it's very handy for their career of choice. They're relatively freelance for a Hero so it's not like it's too time consuming and often it's led to many a capture. They even earned a small reputation.
But, you see, Hero's gotten themself a rival of sorts. Villain has been around a little longer then Hero and has forged a reputation of being sneaky and slippery. Hero want afraid to challenge that once they got through schooling and they've been a recurring encounter ever since.
But Hero has been bored lately. There's no big drug rings or fights in the street or anything.
So they thought they'd see if they could.
Find Villains lair, that is.
They narrowed it down to a few and was planning on leaving it at that but...
Unfortunately they have a best friend they share everything with.
(Yes this all started because of a dare. Wh- I'm not stubborn you're stubborn.)
Enough rambling. They just recapped everything and it still explains nothing.
Why is Villain using what's supposedly their CIVILIAN APARTMENT as a secret lair?! How has no one managed to catch them yet? All Hero had to do was walk in here! There wasn't even an alarm system.
Their eyes catch the closed door of the bedroom.
...A peek couldn't hurt, right?
Snooping around their rivals apartment seems like a much better thing to figure on then trying to figure out what to do. Everyone gets curious and after the mental tax this has been, they deserve the compensation.
It's normal to take time to sort out your thoughts. They're very much being normal about this.
(They ignore the tiny voice saying the normal reaction would have been alerting the hero corp to Villain's location. Or tying Villain up while they were vulnerable.)
They're being normal about this.
They open the door to a small and crowded room that clearly isn't big enough. Though whether that's the fault of the room or the immense collection of metal and electronic parts scattered around is anyone's guess.
The furniture's been shoved to one side, so as to have floor space for inventing. Hero hardly needs to take another glance around the room to realise that probably didn't last long, what with the unopened Ikea shelving box laid on the bed just as covered in parts as everywhere else.
It's a mess. Hero knew Villain had a knack for trinkets and inventions that were a little unorthodox, but they had kind of imagined a more impressive lab-
This is the lab. This mess of a room that's very floor is a walking hazard is where all of Villains crazy weapons are made.
Is this apartment really all Villain has to practice villainy in? This tiny, two-room and a bath room with the smallest shower known to man apartment that hardly fits one person?
They can't believe that the reason they became a hero is using this as their base of operations.
Hero makes a noise that's somewhere between a sigh and a groan. Curse BFF for daring them to actually check. How are they ever supposed to take Villain seriously again?
(This is why you don't suddenly change your entire plan for the future for the chance to interact more with someone cool. The more you learn the more that illusion wears off.)
This is not helping them with their effort to have normal thoughts.
They shut the door and return to the living room/kitchen/ main room so small it doesn't even have room for a dining table.
Their eyes drift to their rival, noting the fluffy hair escaping their hood. It's that brown-blonde color. You know, the one that's like blonde but if it was on a brown color scale? It tumbles from it's hiding place and obscures the side of Villains face, fluttering slightly with their slight exhales, catching on the edge of their mask. Villain shifts slightly, and Hero can feel their mask digging into their skin.
Hero grimaces in sympathy. They wonder for a moment why Villain didn't take their mask off, but honestly they're more grateful about that fact. This has been enough of a emotional rollercoaster, don't need to add unintentional exposure of someone's identity to that weight.
It's funny, what originally drew Hero to them was their sharp edges, how they never let their guard down and never grew cocky yet still had this air off confidence. And yet the sight in front of them can't be described as anything other then soft and vulnerable.
Hero doesn't mind it though.
(they're honestly unsure which side they like more.)
They pause, before an exasperated sigh escapes them.
So much for being normal about this.
They glare at Villain half-heartedly. Well, if they can't be normal about Villain, then Hero's decided they're going to be not normal in a way that could almost be normal if in different context.
They pull a blanket up over Villain, before looking at the counter.
Well, if no one else is going to do it, might as well tidy this place up.
Cleaning's always been a productive way to pass time anyway.
And what else are they supposed to do, take a seat and wait? No way.