Trauma - Blog Posts
Literally almost my main ocs who has trauma:
Kaito:
literally no trauma at all just living his life
Kaito after one of his friends got killed by one of the entities, seeing his friends suffering, and just living his life at the age 16:
so ye he literally have no trauma growing up like no trauma until Darker find out he exist and start making his life a living sh-
speaking on what i posted earlier, i’ve been working on allowing myself to verbally shut down/freeze up when something bad happens because when i overreact it hurts my head, makes me cry, brings a lot of stress, and makes me feel anxious. i recently found out what AAC devices are and SGDs are! i use weave chat on my ipad when i verbally shut down and wow it has helped so much!
I thought that I was better
I genuinely thought that I was getting better, that I was moving on from my past. That I wasn’t the same 83 pound ball of depression and suicidal thoughts. But now I can realize that recovery isn’t a liner line, it’s a wave that has high highs and low lows. Some days it’s be a high, while others are a low. I may be depressed and doing things I shouldn’t do, but I’m not starving myself and I’m not cutting myself. And for me that’s a win. Yes I’m hurting in other ways, but I’m not bleeding and I’m not skin n bones anymore. I have scars that show I lived and I’m 105.8 pounds now. Technically I’m still in the bmi underweight category but not by much. I’m at a happy weight. And while yes sometimes I forget to eat, and others I say that I don’t deserve to. That’s all a part of my recovery, it might not be how others recover as each and every person handles things differently. All forms of moving forward- yes even the ups and downs- are a valid form of healing and progress. It shows that you are strong and kicking whatever it is that you are facing in the butt.
Sorry that this was so long, I’m on day three of not sleeping and needed to get this out. Good night or good morning, I hope you all have a lovely time. -3rat
memories fade (fears don’t)
author:
DeviBlue
summary:
“You refused to take the mandatory swim test,” Mori said suddenly. Chuuya lifted his head up at the sudden topic change. “Are you afraid of water, Chuuya-kun?”
Chuuya didn’t like where this was going. “No, sir.”
A small ‘ah’ of understanding left Mori’s mouth. “So just afraid of being submerged then?”
His heart skipped a beat. “N-no, Mori-san.”
Mori chuckled. It felt like a death sentence. “Don’t lie to me, Chuuya-kun.”
OR
Mori knows Chuuya's worst fears and uses them as punishment.
Being touch starved and touch repulsed at the same time is such a weird combination, as if two totally different entities reside within me, one part loves hugs, holding hands, etc, another part is scared to even give a simple high-five.....like how do I deal with it I want a partner to hug her, give her hugs and kisses but at the same time i am like ew humans ew :( such a dilemma
My heart refuses bend to your words, but my body is reluctant to follow it, fearful of your sharp tongue. I despise you. I despise you a lot.
Being the most mature in ur class to then still cry to all dogs go to heaven because it hits too close to home
kardeşim
Annemin rahminde yedi dakika boyunca beni terk ettiği için ikiz kardeşimi asla affetmeyeceğim.
Beni orada, karanlıktan korkarak, o yapışkan sıvının içinde bir astronot gibi yüzerek, diğer tarafta onu nasıl öpüp ona taptıklarını dinleyerek yalnız bıraktı.
Bunlar hayatımın en uzun yedi dakikasıydı ve onu ilk doğan ve annemin gözdesi olmaya adayan şeydi.
Bundan sonra, her zaman Pablo'dan önce bir yerlerden ayrılmaya özen gösterirdim: yatak odası, ev, okul, kitle, tiyatro… bu filmin sonunu kaçırmak anlamına gelse bile.
Bir gün dikkatim dağıldı ve kardeşim benden önce gitti ve o sevimli gülümsemesiyle beni izlerken bir araba geldi ve ona çarptı.
İkiz kardeşim öldüğünde, annem cesedini tuttu ve adımı haykırdı ve ben şimdiye kadar ona söylemedim...
Ben öldüm ve kardeşim yaşadı.
Rafael Noboa - My Brother
My Brother
I will never forgive my twin brother after abandoning me for a whole seven minutes inside my mother’s womb.
He left me there alone, terrified of the dark, floating like an astronaut in that viscous liquid, listening to how on the other side they were kissing and adoring him.
Those were the seven longest minutes of my life, and which destined him to be the first born and my mother’s favorite. After that, I would always make sure to leave places before Pablo; the bedroom, the house, school, the theater… even if it meant missing the end of a movie.
One day I got distracted and my brother left before I did, and while he was watching me with his adorable smile, a car came by and hit him.
When my twin brother died, my mother grabbed his body and yelled my name. I have not corrected her since then...
I died and my brother lived.
My Brother – Rafael Noboa
Do you have to shed tears to cry? Can't one cry when lips are smiling? Do you have to look beautiful to love? Can't a beautiful soul on an ugly skin bind the heart? Should a weapon be a dagger to kill? Can't eyes be a gun, smile a bullet?
Bak Milena,
"En çok seni seviyorum." diyorum ama belki de bu gerçek aşk değildir.
"Sen bir bıçaksın ve ben hep o bıçakla kendime saplarım",dersem belki de gerçek aşkı anlatmış olurum.
Ve Milena, kalbimde seninle her şeye katlanabilirim.
| Franz Kafka
Look Milena,
"I love you the most." I say, but maybe that's not true love.
If i say, "You are the knife I turn inside myself", maybe I would be explaining true love.
And Milena, I can bear anything with you in my heart.
| Franz Kafka
Had I told the sea
What I felt for you
It would have left
it’s shores
It’s shells
And followed me
- Nizar Qabbani
I HAVE NO POWER
"I have no power to change you or explain your ways Never believe a man can change a woman Those men are pretenders who think that they created woman from one of their ribs, A woman does not emerge from a man's ribs, not ever! it is he who emerges from her womb, like a fish rising from depths of water
and like streams that branch away from a river It's he who circles the sun of her eyes and imagines he is fixed in place.."
- Nizar Qabbani
I can't promise to be calm,
dignified, and indifferent.
like a rock by the sea...
If my heart's going to break,
let it break from anger, grief, or joy.
― Nâzım Hikmet
The most beautiful sea, hasn't been crossed yet. The most beautiful child, hasn't grown up yet. Our most beautiful days, we haven't seen yet. And the most beautiful words, I wanted to tell you I haven't said yet...
― Nâzım Hikmet
The night looks like you
Quiet, crying, far away… It looks as though your eyes had flown away and it looks as if a forced kiss had sealed your lips. Where the sun swears its love to the night the sun is exhausted, and the night is suffering.
