Tw Ableism - Blog Posts

If you think c!dream deserves torture because ‘he doesn’t have any empathy’, you are not an ally to autistic people.

Autistic cptsd culture is being terrified to talk about your abuse because people on tumblr will call you ableist if you mention how your abuser might have been a narcissist. Even though your abuser targeted you directly because you're autistic :/

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[TW: Ableism] [TW: Rant]

Begging y'all to not say 'It's a miracle' when someone stands up from a wheelchair or spends 30 minutes without their mobility aid—  I'm so fucking tired of being accused of faking pain, I've already been refused disability accomodations and can't bring my cane out during my work shifts because "you can walk around just fine without it" or "I saw you doing ___ yesterday!"

There's a spectrum of people who need mobility aids.  

Brought this up before in a non-ranty way, but just damn sometimes it gets a lot.  Just so damn much.    It's frustrating knowing that I end up worsening my own physical condition because others don't think I "really need the support."

hot take but neetcore is appropiating and distorting the struggles of actual neets, making neetdom look like some „uwu otaku nerd anime fan” shit, making the result of severe disabilities (unclean rooms to the point of mold) an „aesthetic”

fuck neetcore and fuck you rich white kids who turn struggles into aesthetics

disabled people shouldn't have to sacrifice their privacy for your ableist ass to prove their age when joining an adult-only space, especially if it's centered around disability support

in fact, nobody owes you their personal info. go fuck yourself, cop

Some of you are only cripplepunk until it's about disabled people with deformities, until it's about disabled fat people, until it's about disabled trans people, until it's about people with "gross" or "unrelatable" symptoms, until it's about rare, severe and life-threatening disabilities, until it's about seeing disabled people being bitter and angry because the system fucked us over. Cripplepunk is about not giving any shits about the ableds discomfort and it is about uplifting our voices. Otherwise you are just a poser.

Angst and hurt/comfort are some of my fav things to read but Jesus Christ the near constant “uwu poor little Viktor” attitude some ppl have is so fucking annoying.

“The Lives in Time of Katherine Kaye”

A silly story about my silly OCs! (But there is also Drama and Angst!) I’m posting this in case anyone has heard something about my soulless mad scientist and her chaos-gremlin younger self and wants to know more, or just for anyone who may happen to be interested lol.

This is kinda a draft/summary of the story so far and as such, it’s a mess, but it’s still very long so I’ve put it under a readmore! (TW for (fictional/fantastical) medical stuff, medical procedures without consent, self-harm, internalized ableism of the anti-neurodivergent variety, identity confusion, and child harm/endangerment)

Some characters and a little worldbuilding, before the story gets started:

Beastfolk/Auracai (a weird fantasy race I made up that’s kind of like elves crossed with catpeople):

Beastfolk age at about half the rate of humans and look like normal humans, but with semi-retractable claws, thin catlike tails, red eyes, and sharpened canines.

“Beastfolk” is what humans call them, referencing their “animal” traits. They call themselves Auracai (this is both singular and plural)

They’re originally from another dimension that contacts the human world (the main story’s world) only occasionally - essentially rare but not unheard of immigrants in this world. 

Sometimes people end up in the wrong world by accident, without a way to get home, as travel between worlds is more “randomly/accidentally slipping through the cracks” than intentional, reliable travel.

Beastfolk can sense souls when in direct contact with someone, humans can’t. 

Katherine Kaye (the main character/characters)

2 versions of her in the story, the emotionless mad scientist adult and the adolescent little chaos gremlin

Auracai/Beastfolk

Has Autism + ADHD + Anxiety

has a much older brother, Theodore, who’s been taking care of them since they ended up in the human world together

KT (the adolescent chaos gremlin version of Katherine)

28 (equivalent of 14)

Mischievous streak

A prankster

Really intense emotions, prone to overreacting

Senior in high school because of weird aging

Amateur singer/songwriter/musician and this is a major part of her personality

goes by KT because “it’s like ‘Katie,’ but cooler!”

Both a STEM nerd and an artist

Dreams of having an impact on the world, both of changing things for the better and of being cool and famous

Self-perception swings with her moods: often confident to the point of arrogance or overconfidence, but during a breakdown she’s full of self-loathing and shame.

Wants to travel, explore, and live a somewhat adventurous life; an ordinary office job would never satisfy her. Boring AF and a total waste of her potential.

Pigtails/twin tails

Likes to act cute to get what she wants

Dr. Kaye (the soulless mad scientist/adult version of Katherine)

Removed her own soul (heart/emotions/creativity/etc.) in an experimental process, which she tested on herself in a frustrated attempt to prove herself and to stop having such intense mood swings + be more productive and “better” without her emotional overreactions.

Ended up getting stuck in the past because she was researching interdimensional travel in an attempt to find a reliable way to get back and forth between the human world and the Auracai world (in this story time travel creates a new timeline/slightly different reality)

creepy ever-present smile (this was a form of masking and a coping mechanism, and remains a habit)

egotistical and doesn’t really realize the extent of it: she thinks that without a soul she’s become perfectly logical and efficient and immune to emotional biases. (This is revealed to be untrue when she has to reevaluate the idea that her current “emotionless” state is an improvement.)

now has really limited emotional range and is coldly logical most of the time

still has a few common emotional states though: excited/passionate/enthusiastic about her work, frustrated/annoyed/exasperated with people who are “not smart enough to see her vision” or “keep getting in the way,” amused at others’ incompetence or at messing with people, and a state of discomfort/guilt/concern about what she’s lost and what things have come to that is usually easily repressed and ignored, triggered by reminders of who she used to be

Really any emotion she feels is almost always mild enough to easily ignore.

Started promoting her soul-removal procedure as a “therapy” for anxiety, depression, various other mood disorders and emotional issues, and autism-related intense mood swings.

tends to dismiss other people as running on “mere irrational emotion”

Age: ~80s (early 40s) (She basically has a midlife crisis after getting stuck in the past lol)

she doesn’t tend to go by her first name and absolutely refuses to answer to the nickname “KT,” even from Ted.

almost completely lost her creative, playful side. No interest in anything artistic, including the music she used to love. “Fun” is not only unnecessary, but largely impossible for her, and anything involving conveying or coping with emotions? Forget it.

KT’s brother/guardian: Theodore Kaye

Perpetually exhausted, at the end of his rope

Nicknamed Ted, rarely goes by his full name Theodore

~ 50 (equivalent of 25)

Responsible because he has to be

Introverted

Low energy

Autistic (I love giving everyone the ‘tism lol)

Loyal to his sister, has a special connection with the one person who was there for him both before and after getting stuck in a different world

The story so far:

KT sees something about Dr. Kaye in the news and it mentions that she’s Beastfolk, which makes KT think that maybe she and Ted have a relative they didn’t know about. So KT goes on a bit of a wild goose chase trying to contact this person who might just be someone who happens to have the same last name. They meet, and Dr. Kaye explains the time stuff. Ted is looking for help and Dr. Kaye is like “oh yeah should probably do that, younger me will probably be a great collaborator when she’s a little older.” Ted gets the feeling that something is off about Dr. Kaye, but kinda doesn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Clearly, this is his sister, or a version of her anyway, and although KT is a prankster, she’s a good kid. It’d totally be fine to trust her with… herself. Right? Right?

Time passes, Dr. Kaye recommends KT books, KT gets increasingly curious about Dr. Kaye’s weirder habits. She plays pranks on her, thinking her future self will laugh. She’d laugh. Dr. Kaye pretends to be amused the first time, then doesn’t react at all. She doesn’t react to a lot of things, actually, seeming to have no interest in much of anything, not caring about the things KT has liked her entire life. Something must have happened to her in the future that she refuses to discuss in order to create this weird disconnect, right? 

Meanwhile this entire time Dr. Kaye has just been… watching KT be herself, which causes her a slight, odd feeling of discomfort that she can’t seem to explain. 

Beastfolk, unlike humans, can sense someone’s soul when in direct contact with them. Dr. Kaye is careful to avoid touching people and not make it weird, a habit she formed before getting stuck in the past in order to avoid making other Beastfolk uncomfortable with her soullessness, and has become more important now that she’s stuck in the past and is attempting to hide her lack of a soul.  She also usually locks her bedroom door at night, but one night the door is accidentally left unlocked, and KT notices and tries to play a prank by putting a fake bug in Dr. Kaye’s bed while she’s asleep. She touched Dr. Kaye by accident  - she didn’t really mean to violate her boundaries, but she made the necessary contact and what she sensed was terrifying. 

KT: *screams*

Kaye: *wakes up confused* what the hell are you doing???

KT: *too scared to react*

Kaye: I forgot to lock the door, didn’t I? And now you’re in my room staring at me like a deer in headlights. Just what do you think you’re doing?!? 

KT: I, uh, it was just a prank, I didn’t mean to wake you up, you- your soul…

Kaye: *finds the fake bug* you touched me, didn’t you, as you were messing around trying to plant this ridiculous plastic bug for me to find in the morning… and I suppose I should explain things now that the cat is out of the bag, shouldn’t I? 

She explains to KT about removing her soul and KT is horrified, but even more fascinated. She wants to know more, even though she also wants to run very fast in the opposite direction, and her other self is happy to explain.

KT: *holding Dr. Kaye’s hand, still fascinated by the strange emptiness inside of her* Does… does it hurt? Not having a soul, I mean…

Dr. Kaye: It doesn’t hurt anymore… but it did, at first. I won’t lie to you, removing it was… an extremely painful process. Of course, in most cases it’s done under anesthesia… though I obviously didn’t have that option. After the procedure, there’s definitely some pain, some lingering soreness, which is rather unresponsive to painkillers, but the worst of it fades naturally fairly quickly, and in a few weeks it’s entirely gone.  There’s also a certain sense of emptiness, afterwards… it feels like something is missing deep inside of you, which I suppose is true, but it’s a feeling I didn’t find it hard to get used to. That empty feeling never truly goes away, but it’s distressing at first mostly because it’s disconcerting, rather than being painful. It’s something I can sense even now, if I’m thinking about it, but I no longer find it bothersome, and I haven’t for a long time. 

KT: That… kinda makes sense? And you said you don’t really feel emotions anymore? 

Dr. Kaye: Yes, and that’s been an immense relief. No more anxiety, no more meltdowns. 

KT: … no more happiness, though? 

Dr. Kaye: I suppose you could say that… but I would say that might simply be the cost of being free of emotional bias. I do find I sometimes experience mild emotion-like states… I’ve found it unpleasant to be interrupted while I’m working, for example… but such experiences are transient and low in intensity, and as such they are easily dismissed. 

Dr. Kaye then explains her plans to republish her discoveries in this timeline and promote her soul-removal procedure as a “therapy” for a variety of emotional problems, as she did in her own time. KT, understandably, freaks out further. 

Meanwhile Ted starts realizing that something is deeply wrong with Dr. Kaye and wants his sister back. Eventually Dr. Kaye decides her kid self needs her “treatment” a little early because she keeps “being difficult,” as well as wanting to spare her younger self the suffering of having to live with her emotional overreactions. She tries to figure out the best way to present this to KT so she’ll agree to undergo the procedure willingly, but also prepares to do it by force if necessary, convinced that she knows what’s best for them. KT asks Dr. Kaye about her regrets, which with everything makes the repressed issues come back to the forefront. As she tries to say she regrets nothing and to ask KT to follow in her footsteps, these words somehow seem like a lie. KT is horrified, but her screaming and freaking out just solidifies in Dr. Kaye’s mind that she’s overreacting. She lets KT wear out her panic until she breaks down in despairing tears and states that if KT doesn’t stop resisting, she will force her. 

“KT, listen to me. I’m you. I know what’s best for us. This is for your own good. Now, you can be good and listen to reason, or you can keep fighting and I will have to forcibly sedate you. Either way, when you wake up you won’t have to be sad and scared like this ever again. The pain you might feel now will be nothing compared to all the suffering I’m sparing you.” “W… will… I’m never going play pranks or sing or play music or draw or play pretend ever again will I… but I guess I have to grow up and give that stupid stuff up anyway… I… I have to grow up faster like you and stop that nonsense…”

Dr. Kaye realizes in that moment that she hasn’t done a single creative thing, hasn’t hummed a tune, doodled in the margins of a notebook, made up stories to fall asleep to, anything, since the day she cut out her soul. Is that worthless, or is that something she’s subconsciously missed for a very long time? She remembers that cutting out her own soul was originally an act of desperation and self-hate. She reconsiders everything.

 Meanwhile KT is escaping. She runs home to Ted and cries in his arms. Dr. Kaye realizes that she doesn’t actually want KT to end up like her, and tries to apologize for everything, but is pushed away by Ted. Not wanting to waste this chance to tell her past self what she wishes she’d known, she disappears, but begins to write a diary/memoir of all the regrets she’d never let herself “waste time” dwelling on and all the useful life things she knows from experience that were hard or impossible to find in books. She leaves it for KT one day, around the time of KT’s high school graduation, and KT reads it and tries to find her again. Despite Ted’s deep distrust of Dr. Kaye, they reconnect, originally through email because Ted understandably doesn’t want Dr. Kaye anywhere near his sister. KT really wants to apprentice under Dr. Kaye, as working and training under an experienced mentor is common practice for young people in the Auracai world, and she argues with Ted about it. 

“I thought you really wanted to go to a human university? Wasn’t that your big dream?” “Well kinda, but that was before I met Dr. Kaye! She’d be the perfect mentor because she’s doing so many things and they’re all the things I’m interested in!!!” “Are you completely forgetting that she tried to take your soul?!?? As far as I’m concerned, she’s unstable and dangerous.” “Okay yeah maybe she’s a little unstable but she wouldn’t be dangerous at all to me, she didn’t take my soul because she actually listens to me, remember?” “Katherine. Stop for a moment and listen to yourself. I can’t believe this is a conversation we even need to have.” “I’m trying to listen to myself, that’s kinda the whole point! ;) Someone keeps saying it’s a bad idea!” (KT doesn’t consider herself and Dr. Kaye to be fully one and the same the way Dr. Kaye does, but the joke was far too good for KT to pass up.) “You know what I meant, and it did not involve the potential future you that’s a soulless lunatic!” 

Dr. Kaye starts asking KT for advice on moral and emotional matters, and KT feels needed. Ted begins to relax a little, though he still really doesn’t trust her. Dr. Kaye invites KT to join her on some kind of research trip, and KT sneaks away to do so against Ted’s orders. He is livid with her… but it is a little reassuring that she’s quite unharmed and had a good time. Eventually Ted’s attitude of “I am not letting you walk to your death” softens into “I’m not sure if I can stop you, and it’s really on you if you get hurt after I tried to stop you, but please text me every night with an update on your latest song or art project or whatever or just something about your day, something that’s you, so I know you’re okay.” So KT gets her apprenticeship, and the Katherines end up forming a sort of symbiotic relationship, with Dr. Kaye acting as a mentor, guardian, and voice of reason to KT, and KT acting as Dr. Kaye’s heart and soul and conscience. Dr. Kaye is still soulless but is starting to come to terms with it now… not exactly “okay” but no longer ignoring that there was a loss and more willing to listen to others or at least to her kid self. Although she also likes to say that if she regained her former emotional range now, she’d probably have a heart attack… especially when KT is causing trouble.

WIBTA for running away with my soulless, potentially dangerous future self? [OCs]

[OOC: tw for fictional medical procedures without consent, fictional self-harm, implied mental health issues, implied ableism, child endangerment/potential child harm, souls being treated in a way that might be taken as religiously insensitive]

I (14F in human years) have been living with my older brother (equivalent of 25M) as a guardian, because we got interdimensionally lost together several years ago and have been trying to make lives for ourselves in the human world. It hasn’t been easy, but recently my successful future self (equivalent of 40sF) showed up and offered to help us out! She’s a scientific genius and is kinda stuck here in the past because her work on time travel didn’t go the way she hoped (maybe with her help I could do even better someday!)

But she also acts really creepy and weird, and I found out that it’s because she removed her own soul somehow? Apparently the procedure was one of her discoveries, and in her time it became some sort of therapy for emotional issues because it basically gets rid of all your emotions. She almost tried to do the same to me after I freaked out about it, but luckily I managed to convince her otherwise, and I’m pretty sure she’s started listening to me now and taking getting stuck in the past as a chance to make sure I don’t end up making the same mistakes she did. But my brother doesn’t trust her one bit and refuses to let me contact her anymore. I feel like I’m the only one she’s willing to listen to because she thinks a lot of herself (I mean, from how she tells it she made major breakthroughs in several scientific fields) and I’m basically the same person as far as she sees it. It feels like I’m the only one who can make sure she doesn’t do something that changes the world for the worse like she did in her timeline. So I’m thinking of working with her, but after the incident where she was going to take my soul, my brother thinks it’d be way too dangerous for me to contact her again because she might try to take my soul again or trick me into helping her with something bad. However, I think she’d listen to me like she did before, and I could learn so much from her, keep her from causing problems, and maybe change the world for the better with her help on technical stuff and knowing what not to do! 

Would I (current me, I know future me is kind of an asshole but I don’t really blame her for it) be the asshole if I disobeyed my brother and ran away after my mad scientist future self?

I'm 26, this isn't an age thing, you're struggling to understand the emotional issues with your post and you're an adult. Maturity doesn't immediately correlate to age, these childred as you so aggressively put are more polite and mature about interacting with others online than you are.

Also issues around empathy are common to many people with or without disorders, being super common in autistic people, this is ableist rhetoric, whether you want to or not you're being ableist. Do some research and learn some tact.

Tumblr doesn't have an algorithm, you see what you follow. it’s the internet, if it exists there's porn of it. Its puritanical to pretend we all weren't looking at the same shit when we were minors. Its just as bad to assume that they must be here, in the site that bans anything on the basis of being minimally erotic, for porn of all things. You don't want to talk to them then disengage and use your block function. Use your so called high ground for something useful and remove yourself from the situation if you think all that people need to reach your level is a handful of years.

I very much will be more preoccupied that you're being ableist and demeaning to someone that clearly doesn't deserve it.

PS: TOS age is 13 🙄

PPS: would you rather them be where? On twitter with all the nazis?

I can’t stand CaitVi

I’ll never like Caitlyn or her and Vi’s relationship. People like to say “oh you just can’t handle complex characters” or claim lesbophobia/misogyny when you criticize their ship or Caitlyn as a character. Like no bitch I just don’t like her as a person and think Vi, despite her mistakes and wrongdoings, deserves way better than Caitlyn 😭 also I am a lesbian so wtf

Also I raise you this:

Caitlyn is not a complex character at all. Maybe in season one she was, cuz you had to dig a little deep and really pay attention to understand her motivations and what drives her to act the way she does and make the choices she makes.

But in season two, however, it not hard to understand why she did what she did. I know why she gassed parts of Zaun and why she went after Jinx, and I don’t like her!

One thing I don’t understand is why Caitlyn hit Vi after Vi didn’t let her take the shot. That’s the main thing that makes me a Caitlyn/CaitVi hater. To me, Caitlyn had no logical reason to hit Vi that would’ve made me go “ohhh okay, I understand”.

People like to justify Caitlyn hitting Vi by saying “it was one time, it’s not abuse!” As if they wouldn’t leave their partner if they were hit, even if it was once. As if they wouldn’t be encouraged to leave the partner who hit them.

Saying “she was frustrated, she was upset” is still completely fucked because what happens when she gets frustrated again? Is she gonna resort to physical violence once more? People who hit others when they’re frustrated fall into a pattern of doing that when there’s no one to stop them, don’t they? 

I get that her mom died but come on, girl. She was raised with damn near all the tools one could need for processing her emotions, and in this moment, she chooses to hit the woman she supposedly loves in the stomach with the back of her gun. And her dick riders will still say that CaitVi isn’t oppressor x oppressed, like oh okay!

Vi put on the uniform of the people that killed her parents, threw her and jail and oppressed her people for years and Caitlyn never took off the uniform for Vi, but it’s not oppressor x oppressed? Vi never raised her hand against Caitlyn once, not even when she was frustrated, and Caitlyn seemed perfectly okay with hitting Vi, what, three times, but they’re not oppressor x oppressed? Caitlyn also threw that boat in Vi’s general direction the second Vi said something she didn’t like, but y’all like to gloss over that because it’s something small. Idk about y’all but I don’t throw things at people I love when I get mad!

And then, you know what really takes the cake for me? The fact that Caitlyn apologized for/brought up sleeping with Maddie out of all the fucking things in the world. She didn’t apologize for hitting her or leaving her, just for sleeping with Maddie. Does none of that other shit matter to her?? Idk I just thought that was fucked. I think their whole relationship is fucked, and I think the only reason they’re even together is because Cait was the first person to show her kindness in a long time and she got attached. Add on the fact that they went through something traumatic together that brought them closer and there ya go, there’s CaitVi. I’m sure there was real love there at some point, and they were physically attracted to each other but idk, after Caitlyn asked Vi to become and enforcer knowing that those people killed her parents and practically ruined her life, that made it clear to me that Caitlyn no longer cared that much about Vi and was more focused on what Vi could do for her.

And don’t even get me started on that godforsaken jail sex scene. That was beyond gross and inappropriate for the context of the whole situation, AND considering Vi’s history with prison cells. Genuinely what the fuck.

So yeah. I heavily dislike CaitVi, don’t like Caitlyn either. TimeBomb has my heart, I fear (I am well aware of their flaws so don’t be in my comments talking about how they beat each other up. I know. At least it was mutual and at least they had a reason to be fighting. Just saying!)

This. This is the post I need to show my family. Thank you for putting this into words.

Explaining autism to an allistic is exhausting.

Because most of the time, in my experience, they don't listen to what I'm telling them that it's a disability and that we force our square shaped selves into the circular world everyday and that slowly erodes the edges of who we are.

They're looking for hidden meanings in order to get Autistics to behave more neurotypical. They want to see us become circles.

I explained why we don't use functioning labels any more. And they will say "yes, but you do function more than some." As if it's an "Ah ha! Caught you!" moment.

I was even told today that I obviously find this all easy. Because I hold it together at work.

And I just get so tired trying to explain that I'm not "Aspie". I'm not "high functioning". I'm not "on the spectrum". I'm not "mostly neurotypical".

We're Autistic, goddamnit.

one day i’ll make an in depth post about how i went to get a professional autism diagnosis and the lady gave me a whole battery of irrelevant tests and only ONE autism related test (the AQ) which i scored a 39 on, and then proceeded to write in the report “her overall score on this instrument was below the significant range.”

UMMMM

ONE MORE TIME FOR THE CHEAP SEATS IN THE BACK.

so professional diagnosis is garbage and a huge waste of my time.

she was happy to give me an ADHD diagnosis though 🙄🙄🙄

Person: Hey, don't call that MLP character 'Derpy Hooves', that's insulting and ableist! Me: Oh, okay, what should I call her, then? Person: Call her 'Ditzy Doo'. :) Me: ...How is 'Ditzy Doo' less insulting than Derpy Hooves? Person: Well, 'Derpy' is ableist towards people with mental disabilities. Me: And 'Ditzy' is a misogynistic insult towards a woman perceived as stupid, especially if they're a blonde (Which Ditzy happens to also be). ...And you think naming a FEMALE CHARACTER 'Ditzy' is fine?

Can someone explain why people say this? How is 'Ditzy' less bad than 'Derpy'? /gen

   Why is it every single character I find that seems neurodivergent is always specifically targeted by fans/critics/etc as being annoying?Especially so if they seem like they have ADHD and/or Autism especially?