Tw Australian - Blog Posts

What if I threw up rn

i cannot stop thinking about this lore drop atm:

so many messy thoughts about this argh.

firstly, there's so much repression in that statement. the way it's stated so factually, no feelings. he's completely dissociated himself from the trauma of it; he is aware that it happened, but it happened to a child who's no longer him.

medicine to fill the hole of family dysfunction -> using work as a fucked-up found family. the visual of bookshelves of medicine cradling him softly to sleep rather than his own mother (thoughts on wire vs cloth mother, and nature vs nurture).

chase going into the study of healing to distract himself from the pain of neglect, and because he never knew how to heal himself.

spending his formative years in a prison of books, of knowledge and facts. until one day he decided to make a home in it.

living in the permanent reminder that his father is never home, as he's locked in his father's cold and empty study. a permanent reminder of his neglect, that he is always alone.

"[life] is a series of rooms, and who we get stuck with in those rooms with adds up to what are lives are" (s3e12 one day, one room).... chase spent his childhood in that study, alone. in adulthood he's always ended up alone - abandoned by his parents, house, cameron - with his work the one constant.

it's like he's still trapped in his father's study to that day. it's like he never got over it.