Tw Panicking - Blog Posts

So, as I've stated in my last post, I've began to write my final draft for the first chapter of my AU's fanfic. However, I added a "(?)" because I figured, knowing myself, there would most likely be a couple of things I would remove to add in. And I was correct. There was a portion I initially liked, but realized seemed so random in the chapter, so I removed it. However, I didn't just want to delete it altogether, so I'm posting it here. Enjoy!

TRIGGER WARNING: Panic Attack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Out-of-Context)

Cut Content From My Fic:

When he first entered the elevator, he was extremely confident and optimistic about how his first impression would be recieved. Now that his thoughts had been given some time to simmer from the long ride, he couldn't help his worries piling up at the front of his mind. What if he messed up? What if he said something wrong and offended everyone there and he had no genius to blanket his fall, since intellect wasn't vital the acting industry? Or, furthermore, what if it turns out he's not at all the good actor Stan assured him he was and made an utter fool out of himself? He could just picture the headline: "Dr. Ford — Brilliant Scientist Turned Actor Laughingstock."

Oh, Moses, what was he thinking! He had to leave this elevator this instant, one way or another.

His fingers resumed the activity of tapping the shiny, metallic railing attached to and surrounding the glossy walls of the elevator — this time at a much rapid pace than before. (He hadn't even realized he had stopped.)

Tappity-tappity-tap.

His brown eyes scanned through the assortment of buttons, searching for something that would allow him to pause or stop the electrical contraction. It didn't matter what it did as long as it would save him from future humiliation.

Tappity-tappity-tappity-tap!

He couldn't go through with this. Moses, for someone so smart he was so stupid. Why did he ever think this was a good idea?

TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAP!

Why did he decide to go through with this? Why did he decide to go through this? Whydidhedecidetogothroughwiththis? WHYDIDHEDECIDETOGOTHROUGHWITHTHIS?

TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY—!

...

His entire body was frozen as still as a statue, yet it felt as if he was shaking and moving so much internally.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fun fact about me: For some reason, I have a tendency to write my protagonists having mental breakdowns in the first chapter of my fics (original and fanfiction alike). Usually, it doesn't feel random and fits in quite well, since those first chapters also tend to be very dramatic and impactful on my protagonist's emotional state. Here, it doesn't work. Stan has already assured him he'll do fine. Sure, he still can worry and be anxious about his reception to everyone (I know I would *cough cough* anxiety disorder *cough cough*), but it doesn't feel too in character for Ford, especially at the moment. So, I'm deleting the scene.

Things were getting too wholesome, TIME TO PANIC-

.

Aka: the consequences of having a power so heavily dependent on the user’s feelings of trust and connection to their family. What happens when they no longer feel they belong?

Idk where this is in the timeline but it definitely takes place a few days/a week after this.