I want to believe that God is real. I want to believe that He created us in His image. I want to believe that He loves us unconditionally. I want to believe that everything is just a piece in the grand scheme of events. That everything that has happened will not be for naught.
It should be easy to have faith. After all, we have been taught this since we could speak. He loves us. He died for us. Then why is it so difficult to have this faith? To believe that God is real. But in believing that the all loving God is real, I will also have to admit that He doesn't give a damn about me.
I have often wondered what it was like to drown. I have held my breath long enough to hurt, but I could never hold it long enough to drift away. Water is unpredictable and when you're under its silence is calming. I have always loved the water, the silence it brings, nothing compares to it. It sounds like a good way to go.
When you drown, I believe it will hurt. It will hurt because you're denying your body that what it needs. But without oxygen, anyone would dream away. Once that happens, the pain will end. Peace will flood into you with the water that enters your lungs.