Laravel

Worst Part Of It Is Knowing That I Have Messed Him Up And There's Nothing I Could Have Done About It - Blog Posts

2 months ago

tmmys visit to pandora gets me so horrifically bad as someone who was an unstable child forced to hold responsibility over my younger brother, i cannot even begin to try to figure out how to visualize the fucking terror in a way that makes sense.

(Gets kinda heavy so read with caution)

Whenever i get reminded of that scene all i can think about is being like 11 and crying so hard i threw up when he was being a menace and i couldn't stop thinking about how much i wanted to hurt him.

He would regularly mess with me to the point it triggered a panic attack. My fight or flight would go off so hard that i couldn't speak or recognize anything happening around me, it would often also make me really aggressive and ig he found that entertaining.

Guess it really messed with me cuz i still can't get angry without shutting down from fear/adrenaline, best way i can describe the feeling is to imagine being a wild rabbit that's been picked up and knowing you will die if you can't claw yourself out of the hands.


Tags
Loading...
End of content
No more pages to load
Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags