There were several things about mini-me that were embarrassing. First of all, I was held back in kindergarten for being “too small.” My teachers were worried that me, a tiny brown girl with curly hair bigger than her head, would get bullied if I wasn’t the same size as the other kids. I waited the extra year in hopes of catching up, but I got bullied anyways. Secondly, I was a nerd. Not a cute quiet nerd, mind you, but an obnoxious, always-carrying-a-book-and-reading-aloud-to-herself type of nerd. Finally, and probably most insufferably, I was known as the teacher’s pet. If all of that wasn’t enough, I was that kid. I was the kid in school who peed her pants.
After the first few accidents, Mom found that I was simply unable to ‘hold it’. She chuckled as she wrote the note to my teachers that made it official: I had to go when I said. Because my hand was annoyingly stuck in the air anyways, it made notifying teachers easy. Once I hit middle school, my reputation preceded me. When I wiggled around in my seat like I had ants in my pants, and waved more fervently that normal, the teachers would sigh and point to the door. My wiggly dance down the hall was a sight to see.
Tiny me thought this worked pretty well. I was getting out of class as much as I could want, no questions asked. Since I was a ‘good kid’, I never took this for granted (Of course I did, how could you believe a child?!). Mom and the doctor had other plans for me. Something about getting a diagnosis for what made my bladder weak, but I think the word they were looking for was ‘Loser’. I peed in a cup seven times before starting treatment. Most people never have had to pee in a cup once. I’m jealous.
Homework was not foreign to me. In fact, homework was my favorite pastime (I told you I was insufferable), until the doctor gave me bladder homework. Did you know you could educate your bladder? After weeks of this at-home ball-squeezing and hip-flexing homework, I went back in for testing. My new routine was: get to the pee doctor’s, drink as much water as I could hold, get the cup from my mom, and send my pee away for Science. That day held other plans, for which my mom promised me McDonald’s. Before I even processed how these new plans would help me exactly, five extremely sticky nodes were attached to my butt.
If you’re wondering how terrible it is to be hooked up to the Butt-o-Matic, I couldn’t tell you because I promptly zoned out for the rest of the visit. All I knew was that I was being rewarded for this discomfort with salty fries and a thick shake. I pictured bringing my meal in when I was dropped back off at school, flexing on my classmates with the greasy bag. For once, I would lord over my class.
After a half an hour of doing the exercises with nodes hanging off my butt, I was finished. On my way out, I was offered a Princess Jasmine sticker. Letting my face show my sadness and, blinking at the doctor, I asked if I could also have the Princess Ariel one. The doctor’s face shifted into one of pity. She gave me both stickers.
Mom fulfilled her promise, swinging by the Drive Thru while pulling her Aldi’s employee sweater on. The water I’d had from the water fountain was starting to make its appearance and, since I hadn’t peed in the cup, I had critically miscalculated. As she pulled to the first window to pay, I leapt out of the car, slamming the door shut on my mom’s surprise. I barely made it in time. She was laughing when she swung the car around the front of the building and I came out. “Welcome back, Sticky Buns,” is all she said before driving me the rest of the way to school.
I sauntered into the building with the aromatic McDonald’s bag swinging from my grasp, my tattered Percy Jackson book in the other, and my buns still slightly sticky.
Forever Writing,
Let’s see if we can make a trend of this.
Prompt: Mindless
Title: The good of mindless entertainment
The grandstands of the arena were filling up. Eager KFL fans, with their banners and signs, took their seats and prepared for the night of fights. The classic rock jamming over the speakers played background music for the excited chatter of the spectators.
Arriving to their designated seats, Victoria tossed her bag full of cheering section gear on the fold-up bench seat, her date, Mitch, dropped himself into the seat adjacent. She stripped off her jacket to reveal her limited edition “Quake in Fear ‘09” Cassidy Quake T-shirt. She did a quick pose to show off the fruits of her fanaticism. For his part, Mitch managed a gentle applause.
“Oh come on, you can do better than that.” She said, grabbing some of her banners and thunder clappers. She handed the merch to him, “Tonight’s match-up is a toughie and Quake’s gonna need us in his corner to cheer for him.”
He took the themed items and sighed, “I don’t think he’ll be able to hear us.”
“You say that,” She countered, “But this one time.” She said, opening her hands in front of her, the way one does when they are about to wind up into an enthusiastic story. He leaned his head into his hands and watched her with a weak smile.
“Quake was on the ropes, right?” She said, “Baron Thuggly was about to barrel into him.” She mimed winding up a big punch. “But then! I called out,” She cupped her hands around her mouth, “‘You Can Do It!’” She said in a raspy scream-whisper voice.
Mitch nodded along. “And did he do it?”
“Not only did he whip around and catch Baron Thuggly right in his big ugly jaw,” She swatted at the air, spinning her around to put her back to him. “But then, Quake turns around and,” She turned slowly and looked at him. She smirked and gave him a slight nod.
He laughed, “Wow, all that for you huh?”
She spun back around to face him, “You better believe it!” She grabbed the edge of her shirt, “I bought this shirt after that match, as a memento to how awesome that moment was.”
He sat back in his chair. “I dunno, all this stuff just seems like mindless violence. I mean, isn’t it all fake?” He said, looking up to her.
She glared at him. “First of all, I’d like to see you back flip off a skyscraper and body slam through a monster truck and tell me its fake.” She put an arm on his shoulder, “And second, you could stand a little bit of mindless fun.”
He patted her hand and let out a slow breath, “Yeah, maybe.”
She smiled, and the lights cut out.
The music went from banal classic rock to driving hip-hop hype music.
The ring lit up with spotlights and the announcer stepped out to the center of the massive ring. He raised his microphone and the crowd went wild.
“Ladies and Gentlemen and everything in between.” He said, his voice echoing through the arena “Tonight’s fight will be one for the record books. Coming in for the Red Corner,” He gestured to the red colored entrance. A massive stone-statue looking creature lumbered onto the runway. “The mountainous stone soldier, clocking 3 stories tall and weighing a mind-bending 100 tonnes! Your challenger tonight, GARGOYLE!”
The statue charged down the runway, each heavy step causing the whole arena to shake. He hoisted himself through the sturdy gate and stepped into the ring. He raised his massive fists in the air and roared. Some people in the audience cheered. Victoria applauded politely. Mitch followed suit.
“And now,” The announcer said, the music dropping out again, “Please welcome. Your champion in the blue corner!” The blue entrance lit up and showed a silhouette. The coils of the figure’s long whiskers were unmistakable. The music started low as the audience started to whoop and holler. Victoria was already on her feet, waving her arms and cheering.
“The Kaiju that shifts the very world. The beast who bested the Gorgon and toppled the 100-Man Mountain challenge. Everyone, please welcome, CASSIDY QUAKE!”
The spotlights went wild, revealing Cassidy, standing valiently at the entrance. Empowering and brassy music kicked on. The arena went absolutely wild. Victoria was waving her banner and screaming. Mitch waved the banner he had been assigned and whistled through his teeth to join the crowd. The energy was tangible as Cassidy confidently hustled to the ring, his catfish whiskers trailing behind him. He stepped to the edge of the ring and hung off the gate before swinging himself inside. When he landed, the impact made the arena shudder. Even the challenger had to steady himself.
The stage was set.
“Now, fighters.” The announcer said, “I want to see your warrior’s spirit tonight. Don’t hold anything back!”
The two competitors tapped fists to signal their agreement and went to their sides of the cage to prepare.
A large timer above the ring ticked down the final minute before the fight would kick off. Victoria waved her banner. Mitch couldn’t help lean forward, his heart racing. The anticipation in the air was making the hair on his neck stand up. A small grin slipped on his face.
When the bell rang, there was no time to waste. The two competitors came out swinging. Even in the first round, resounding strikes made the cage shake and shudder. As Quake went to work, Victoria would take breaks from her cheering to point out common tactics and strategies, and the signature moves of each fighter. He nodded along and did his best to keep up, she was rattling off information between cries and cheers.
“Wait, so, why can’t he use the Quake Buster there?” He said.
“Cause he was caught in the guard. He had to --YEAH! RIGHT TO THE HEAD!-- Sorry, he had to clear the leg first.” She said, her eyes staying on the battle.
“Clear the leg?” He said.
“Yeah, like, watch, see that? That’s clearing the leg, oh here it comes! Watch!”
Cassidy wrapped his arms around Gargoyle, lifted the massive kaiju into the air, and brought him down with a thunderous impact. The ring rattled dangerously, fighting to constrain the incredible force. The shockwave sent a wave of air pressure that knocked nearly everyone off their feet.
“Whoa,” Mitch said, his heart fighting to catch up with his adrenaline. “That was awesome.”
“I know right!?” Victoria said, she grabbed the thunder sticks and banged them together. “GET HIM QUAKE!”
Mitch got to his feet, knees wobbly, and waved the banner. “Get him!”
Round 10, the challenger had managed to get a lucky sweep that brought him into a tough grapple. Less than a minute on the clock, but if Gargoyle could sink the choke, it could be over for Cassidy. The champion was pressed against the cage, struggling for a hold.
Victoria was screaming, her voice going horse. Mitch waved his banner frantically. He could see the energy draining away from the champion. With the banner clenched in his sweaty grip, he worked up all the energy he could and screamed, “YOU CAN DO IT!”
Cassidy’s eyes snapped open and he grabbed through the gaps in the fence and lifted himself up, pulling gargoyle off the mat. The pull of gravity and tired limbs loosened the challenger’s grip and he slid just enough for Cassidy to slip his way out of the hold and get his arms around Gargoyle again. With an ear-splitting shout, Cassidy jumped into the air, lifting the massive kaiju with him and bringing them both down for another clutch Quake Buster. The arena shook, the cage rattled, the crowd cheered. Cassidy rose to his feet, Gargoyle did not. The officiating robo-ref rushed to the downed fighter’s side, scanning his battered body. He straightened up and waved his arms in the air, signalling the end of the fight.
Had you been pressing your face against any of the windows for the arena, you may have felt, in that moment, the windows buckle outwards. Because the combined roar of every voice in the arena was like a physical blast. Within the cacophany, the robo-ref lifted the hand of Cassidy and the announcer cried through the din.
“Your winner and defending champion, CASSIDY QUAKE!”
In the stands, Victoria and Mitch had embraced each other and were leaping about. He looked back at the ring and to the hero who pulled through in the end. Cassidy, looked over his shoulder and into the stands and gave a single nod and smile.
Mitch clutched his chest. “I think,” He said sheepishly, “Do you think he heard me?”
She patted him on the shoulder, “You better believe it.” Her voice was ragged, but she spoke with a smile. “Come on, let’s go get you a shirt.”