I should’ve jumped when the ball-point pen across the room started scribbling
scratching the surface of a worn down notepad
hovering over it, I saw my name
in bolded letters I read the word ALONE
how dare a mystery writer reach into my soul
ripping out my deepest feeling
addressing it like you would the day’s weather
I would’ve complained, if there were anyone to hear me speak
the invisible critic marked another word
AFRAID
my hand connected with the paper as an arrow pointed to my destroyed nail beds
I guess the analysis wasn’t wrong as I drew back my shaky hands
oh lover,
how I miss us
things were simple
the world wasn’t so big
we didn’t have to be anything to impress
it was just you, me, and a sky full of newly named stars
i’m sitting here in the peace of midnight
just trying to reciprocate the terrible feelings i’ve felt
never will i be able to comprehend how i felt with you
and nothing will be said about how my heart shattered when you left
all i have left is the darkness welcoming like an old friend
i’ve dreamed of death countless times
oh how i wish to not have woken up in the last moments before my demise
the sweet seconds before a forever peace are whispering to me
taunting me to stumble into deaths eternal embrace
how beautiful is it to be lonely
whenever the air you breathe has only been touched by your lungs
the emptiness in the echo behind your screams
thoughts to be sorted in the cavern of your cranium
how beautiful is it to be by yourself
i found myself ripping out my eyelashes
blowing them off my finger
wishing that you would find yourself falling in love with me
hoping that star that i pray to every night
would take pity on me
granting my wishes true
i told you i loved the night we spent together
i wish i could have captured the grin you wore
so proud of the terrible things you did to me
how i love that smile
the same lips that grazed my skin not long ago
the same hands that caressed my body
the same hair that I tugged on as i made a show of your acts
it was only an act
all of the good things came to an end
the heavy breathing started
my lungs were collapsing
my heart forgot to beat
it was too busy aching to love you
wishing to be more than just a body
how i envisioned the night sky sitting next to you was so much more beautiful when i hadn’t experienced it
whenever i felt my dream coming true there was a different feeling in the air
you were never there to watch the stars and fall in love
you were there to push me to your car
to rip off my clothes and promise me sweet nothings
i couldn’t see the sky from the backseat, as my heart sank into the driveway below us
all i wanted was to fall in love
you wanted was to fall into the rhythm of sex
making love they call it
we didn’t make love that night
my love was lost somewhere out in that bright beautiful sky that i wanted to experience with you
i wanted to feel the rise and fall of your chest not feel the rise and fall of my body on top of you
we had very different plans for that night
i just wanted to see the stars